Friday, September 9, 2011

Old News

Today was a pretty uneventful day- gym, taking Oscar to the vet, going to Arbys, hours on the phone with Dana....not much to report on.  SO I thought I'd fill you in on a fun tale that happened last month.  Some of you already know the story (sorry Dana), but for the rest of you (Angie), I thought you might appreciate the most awkward exchange I have ever had at Walmart.  And that includes watching the gypsy give himself a sponge bath in the parking lot.

Let me preface this by saying that I'm a pretty open person.  Besides financial stuff, I will pretty much talk to anyone about anything.  I'm more than comfortable to discuss periods, bathroom situations, and anything else that might be embarrassing and/or disgusting.  Male or female, doesn't matter.  I say, bring it on.  So here's a little back story: there is a college-aged Middle Eastern guy named Om that works at the Walmart here in town.  He's quite the chatty Kathy whenever I've gone in his checkout line, but he has a very thick accent, and unfortunately I have always had a hard time understanding him.  The first time I went though his line, it totally caught me off guard when he asked me a question and I had no clue what he was talking about.  I think he had to repeat himself like seven times while I kept saying "What?....Excuse me?....I'm Sorry?!?...Pardon?!??!?!..." before Jacob whispered  "He wants to know what kind of tomatoes those are" and I somehow managed to shout out "ROMA! They're Roma tomatoes!!!" all while my voice was cracking and the blood started slowly leaving my cheeks.  Needless to say, I am very awkward when I go through his line and I always have to tell myself "you are not racist just because you have a hard time with his accent." meanwhile he's probably thinking "here comes this crazy racist".  Another time, I made the mistake of going through his line while wearing an A&M shirt and he asked me if I was from Texas.  Me, being the deaf racist I am, thought he asked me about taxes.  I was very confused and started stuttering for what felt like 6 minutes before I was like "uhhhh I don't know about taxes".  To which he kindly pointed to my shirt and asked me again if I was from Texas.  Bless him.  Sooo....Om and I have a very awkward past.

Which leads us up to the events that occurred last month.  I was just picking up some things to make a pie for Jacob, and decided also to grab a pregnancy test (spoiler: it was negative).  When I got into the only open express line, I realized it was Om's line and told myself to be on my very best behavior and to watch his lips very carefully so we could finally have a normal conversation.  He was silent as he rung up all the pie ingredients, then, as he scanned the pregnancy test, he said "Are you planning on expecting?"  Now here's the thing.  YES I am buying a pregnancy test, but that doesn't mean I'd like to discuss the matters of my ovulating and menstruating with a complete stranger.  The personal question combined with his crazy eyes, which I felt were burning through my body to see the contents of my womb made me extremely uncomfortable.  So obviously I began stammering.  I was like "ohhh....not really planning, just kind of wondering...."  To which he responds, "Oh. If you are expecting, do you plan on eradicating it?".  HANG ON.  This is when my Quinn-genes came out, as I'm pretty sure my eyes were popping out of my head, my jaw had basically become unhinged, and incredulity was all over my face.  I was like "NO NO NO, nothing like that, I'm just...trying to figure out what's going on".  I just kept thinking, am I an idiot, or did he just ask me if I'm getting an abortion?! He seemed satisfied by my super awkward answer, which is good because I had no idea where it was going to go from there, and I have a feeling that if he had asked, I probably would have told him about the fact that I'd had my period for almost 20 days.  Keep in mind, there ARE people behind me in the checkout line, which was making this whole exchange that much more unpleasant.  As I'm swiping my credit card, he changes the subject to our housing situation.  I said we were building a house to which he said "Oh, well let me ask you, how much will it cost, like with the lot and everything, how much all together will you pay for your house?" ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME, OM??!?! I tried to get around answering by just saying things like "ohhh well you know, land is expensive here, and it depends on if you have them finish the basement."  He wasn't buying that, though, and he was clearly holding my receipt ransom until I gave him a number, so finally I threw a number out there, grabbed my receipt and ran off.  Thankfully a couple weeks after that, our Walmart got U-Scans (what, what!!!!) and I have been able to avoid him since.  My greatest fear is that the next time I see him, he'll say, "oh how wonderful, you're already showing!", and then I'll have to go to jail because Om will be dead.


  1. Laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes! Poor Om!

  2. You're awesome. And I think Om may be too.