Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Bits & Pieces

Another day, another trip to Walmart.  I'm becoming great friends with the greeter that works on the non-food entrance, Peter.  By great friends, I mean he turns and coughs his SARS away from my face when I come in now.  I had to return a tank top I bought yesterday that was too small.  It's probably for the best, since it was a Miley Cyrus top.  Her face wasn't on the shirt, but her name was on the label, and it's a slippery slope, really.  So I got back my $1.07 AND my dignity.  I ended up getting Jacob another present for his birthday while I was there.  Check it out, a Lego Star Wars alarm clock.  Baller! 
I felt like I had a poor showing for his birthday presents, and who doesn't need a giant Darth Vader mini-fig?  I think Jacob's going to take it to his office, so between that and the Boba Fett candy jar I got him a couple of years ago, his coworkers probably think he's a big-time nerd.  Well guess what, clowns?  That's why he's awesome.

We've been having some problems with our Samsung Galaxy Tab (his name is Nermil), so I've had a few conversations with their customer service.  I had a long discussion with a lady last night whose "name" (more like stage name) was Ruth.  She ended up telling me that we had to send Nermil in to be serviced, and I had to box him up and take him to a UPS store.  Jacob printed out the shipping label and I was pleasantly surprised to see we had a UPS store in town.  And right across from Bonanza Steakhouse (the #1 restaurant in Dickinson according to trip advisor), Burger King and Dairy Queen!  You know, I've never noticed the royal theme among such terrible restaurants.  Is there a Prince Burger out there?  What about the Duke of Dairy?  The Viscount's Discount Hot Dogs?  If one of these pops up, I swear, I will sue.  ANYWAYS, back to the UPS store.  I'm a total rookie when it comes to mailing stuff, so I was asking the guy working there lots of dumb questions.  He was super nice, and I got the package mailed off without any problems, but when I got back to my car, I realized I had some crusty, dry milk above my lips.  Not only did I have a milk mustache, but I had crumbs from my sandwich in the corner of my mouth.  That combined with the workout I had before lunch had me looking and smelling like a first grader. 

I've been watching a lot of Breaking Bad lately.  It's not for everyone, but I think it's pretty good so far.  For those of you who don't know, it's about a high school chemistry teacher who learns he has terminal cancer and begins cooking meth as a way to provide for his family once he's gone.  It's not exactly good for chuckles, but it's interesting.  On the show, the main character buys a really old RV to drive out into the desert to cook his meth.  It's made me realize that at any given time, Walmart has at least 9 mobile meth labs in its parking lot.  I've also started paying more attention to the white trash that live in the apartment complex next door.  This apartment complex is really nasty.  I think to live there, you have to promise them you will smoke inside the apartment and always leave your windows open in the rain so everything inside gets soiled and mildewed.  Let me say this, Oscar regularly pees on the basement windows and I don't even feel bad about it because I feel like he's probably washing stuff off that's a lot worse.  So today when I took the dogs out to go to the bathroom, there were a couple jokers from this complex out by their garage.  They clearly didn't notice me watching them because before they opened the door, they did the ultra obvious look from side to side like you'd see in a movie to make sure no one's watching. Which I was.  They opened the door a little less than halfway, crawled underneath and stayed in their for a little while.  So either they are gay and embarrassed and chose a dirty garage for their affair, or something illegal is probably happening in there.  Later, when I took Oscar out again they were taking turns doing target practice with a cross bow.  Who owns a crossbow?!  Are those even legal?  I'm not too worried, though, because I think they're probably the dumbest criminals of all time.  They were trying to shoot a coke can, but they didn't stand it upright, and it was really windy and the can was blowing all over the place, so they couldn't get anywhere close to it.  Also, they seemed to be very discouraged with how frequently they needed to retrieve their poorly shot bows.   

Tonight for dinner, I tried this recipe for broccoli; it's supposed to be the best broccoli ever.  It was pretty good, but I wouldn't say it was the BEST, and I certainly wouldn't say it's better than a steak, which they claim.  Here's what they don't tell you about this broccoli--if you live in a small space with terrible ventilation, it will leave your home smelling like a dirty mop for the next four hours.   

I should mention, I just tried to finish off the orange juice I poured for myself when I started typing this.  The lights are off in the apartment because Jacob's in bed, so I didn't see that the glass was still completely full when I threw it back with full force and now I have a sticky face, shirt, shorts, and legs.  Ew.  And hair.  I have no idea how I did that.  Too bad the UPS store isn't open now.  I could really make a name for myself in there.

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