Thursday, September 8, 2011

Death by Yoga

Today in yoga, I had a little scare.  I should say that on Thursdays, I always run then go into the class right afterwards and look at it as a 45 minute cool down.  So today, I finished my run and went into class.  I was perfectly fine until the last, like, 3 minutes of class.  Our instructor has us do this stretch where we place our left hand on our chest, then reach forward with the right and bring it all the way back behind us so that you're looking over your right shoulder.  Then you reverse it and we do that 2 or 3 times on each side.  On the first stretch, as I'm looking over my shoulder, I'm overcome with VIOLENT nausea.  Honestly, I thought the lady behind me was 20 seconds away from having puke in her hair.  Then I suddenly got so dizzy I was having a hard time keeping my balance while just standing straight.  I don't want to toot my own horn here (even though I deserve it), but I've got pretty good balance.  I've got better balance than everyone in that class put together, regardless of the fact that I'm younger than their grandchildren (NO it's not the Silver Sneakers class-I take that on Wednesday).  Anyways, my balance was way off and I was pretty sure I was going to fall face forward into the mirror and simultaneously break my nose on the ballet bar.  As the rest of the class continued on into the final stretch, I completely and totally lost my sight.  Everything got sort of pixilated, then went black.  I knew it would ruin the zen moment in class to yell "HELP ME, YOU IDIOTS, I'VE GONE BLIND!!" so instead, I just started bending over, violently shaking my head to get my sight back.  I must have looked like I was at a Pearl Jam concert in 1994.  I could hear people putting their mats away, so class was over, and I just crumpled onto my mat and thankfully my vision came back within a few seconds.  My instructor came over to check on me and told me I was way dehydrated from running before yoga.  I think the people leaving class thought I was some kinda wuss for nearly passing out during yoga.  "Boy that upward dog really gets me every time." Snicker, snicker, snicker.  I thought about yelling "Say it to my face, granny!" because obviously I could later blame it on the lack of blood flow to my brain.  All in all, I'm fine now.  I've had a pretty wicked headache all day, and I almost tossed my cookies onto a mail lady, but that's not unusual.

Jacob leaves for Vegas tomorrow for his boy weekend.  You know what that means for me....GIRLS WEEKEND!!!!!  hah. Just kidding, I don't have friends here (upside: I only have one enemy!)  The haggard lady at Walmart's deli counter was looking out for me when she over-sliced my meat and cheese, so I'll be consumed by the plethora of sandwiches I'll be making.  Cold-cuts are suitable substitutes for friendship, right?  Otherwise, I'm not sure what I'm going to do while Jacob is gone.  Ideas? Suggestions?  I'm thinking the boys and I might treat ourselves to some Saturday morning donuts from The Donut Hole.  Which, coincidentally doesn't sell donut holes- Bait & switch? False Advertising??

Jacob volunteered to make dinner tonight so I could go to my pilates class (which was much less eventful than yoga this morning), and that made me very nervous.  I realized I've got a lot of Monica Geller in me.  Side note: I have been watching entirely too much FRIENDS lately.  The tv situation here is.....not good.  Anyways, we were going to have a baked spaghetti dish, but I could not give up control, so I was boiling the pasta and browning the meat when he got home from work.  All he really had to do was layer the pasta, meat and cheeses, and stick it in the oven but the thought of that was giving me sweaty palms while driving to the gym.  I even called him when I got there to see if everything was going fine.  Even thinking about it now is kind of giving me hives.  It's not that Jacob can't cook, it's that the role reversal of him cooking while I just sit around totally freaks me out.  It feels like that episode of 30 Rock where Kenneth the page asks one of the actors what he should go get him for lunch only to have the actor say he'll get his own lunch, and could he get something for Kenneth while he's out.  With panic and horror in his eyes, Kenneth says:

Even though I hate cooking, it makes me very anxious when I don't do it.  Unless we're going out to eat.  And in that case:  PIZZA RANCH!  PIZZA RANCH! PIZZA RANCH!!

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