Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Hey Dana!

Well, here it is, first post.  Not sure exactly what to talk about, considering most likely only Dana and maybe Aimee (hey boogs!) will read this.  Let me start with the most important stuff: the juice I'm drinking.  I like to buy a different kind of fruit juice every week when I go to the store, normally some kind of cranberry mix (you can never be too proactive in fighting urinary tract infections), but this week I went too crazy.  I bought the Wal-Mart brand "Light Blueberry Pomegrante Cocktail".  I was worried when I opened it and there were black dots all over the top of the juice.  Naturally, I proceeded to pour myself a drink only to realize that it tastes like a mixture of socks and tree bark.  Anyways, I'm on my third glass now and still a little bit worried about what that black stuff is that's growing on the lid. 

Jacob's birthday is coming up.  I always have the hardest time buying him presents because he just never really wants much.  It should be a really endearing quality, but it isn't.  I decided to give him one of his presents early-- I splurged and got him a great pair of Ray Ban's.  He has NEVER worn sunglasses and drives a lot for his new job, plus he's going to Vegas this coming weekend, so he'll definitely need them.  Here's one thing I LOVE about Jacob: he's very easy going and easy to please.  Here's one thing I don't love about Jacob: he's a diva about sunglasses.  For whatever reason, he is very picky about these glasses and did not like them when he opened his present.  We got into a couple little tiffs over it, because I kept insisting that I could return them if he didn't like them and he would say in frustration "I'm going to hate any pair of sunglasses, so if these are good, I might as well keep them." And what gift-giver wouldn't want to hear such a grateful statement?  I should say, that once during the middle of one of these arguments, I accidentally started laughing in his face because I couldn't believe that he was being so particular.  I tried to play it off like frustrated laughter, but I think he's on to me.... So today I went out to see if I could find another pair of glasses for him to compare the Ray Bans to, so NATURALLY I went to Herbergers.  You know, every time I go in there, I have to eat my words about that place because they had the Fossil glasses that I was looking for.  AAAAAAAAAND the lady in front of me at the checkout counter (who I think might be a gypsy living at Walmart) farted, only to have her "daughter", who was easily ten years older than her, say "awww come on mom! That stinks!!"  I think the cashier was unsure as to how to proceed, so she asked them if they liked Clinique and told them about the bonus sale they were having.  I promise you this, unless that Clinique counter only sells navy eyeliner and hot pink blush, they will not be making any sales to these women.  Also, after she swiped her credit card and the cashier asked for her zip code to verify the card, the lady (let's call her...Patsy), spent two minutes trying to remember her zip code.  Finally she says "Oh yeah!  My driver's License! You should always carry your driver's license so you know where you live!".  Now, okay, I'm not sure if you don't need a driver's license to drive a pop-up camper, but I'm pretty sure if you're 40 years old and only carrying your license as a way to remember your address, you probably have dementia.  Poor Patsy, she probably doesn't even remember that the 50 year old wearing jorts and a velvet scrunchie standing next to her isn't her daughter.  Although it's occurring to me at this very moment that perhaps she didn't know the zip code because it wasn't her credit card....it was the card belonging to the person whose wallet she stole! PATSY'S A THIEF, Y'ALL! Holy smokes.  Okay, looks like I'll be watching the local news for the next few weeks. The good news is that I could identify Patsy, her daughter, and her stinky fart in a heartbeat.

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