Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Meltdown #2

Winter meltdown number two is under my belt now. Last night I had a complete breakdown to Jacob on the way to the grocery store. I can't remember what even caused it, but I had a full blown hissy fit. My lip was sticking out and quivering, I was hyperventilating, and I couldn't get through a whole sentence because of my overwhelming sobs. Winter depression is totally real, you guys. I think I might have a more specific version called North Dakota winter depression.

Tonight was the most frustrating volleyball game so far. Before the game started, we only had three players there (you need four to play), meanwhile the other team had like 15 subs. The ref was a super stickler, and was counting down the seconds aloud before we had to forfeit the first game. Literally one minute after she blew the whistle that we'd forfeited the first game, we had a player show up, so we started game two. This team was young--all the girls were my age or younger and looked super athletic. We started the game in our typical fashion, losing the first 5 points because we couldn't even return the serve. On the sixth serve, we finally manage to string together two passes and get the ball over the net. What does the other team do? Set it up and barely dink it over the net so the four of us have no chance of getting it. Keep in mind, I'm the youngest person on my team by 15 years. No one on my team is going to be diving for any tipped balls. When that ball barely landed over the net, my boss unleashed a string of expletives to the other team you wouldn't believe. It was pretty annoying. So out of the two games we played, I think we scored a total of 12 points. At one point, this one girl, who was a killer server, had served 10 aces in a row and my boss just yells out "hey you wanna throw us a bone and serve underhand?". She didn't and I think she scored another five or six points. I can't imagine what we'd do if we ever won a single game. No, scratch that, I can't imagine what we'd do if we were ever in a close game. That's like one of those things your brain just doesn't have the ability to comprehend like eternity, or Heaven, or the chocolate wonderfall at Golden Corral.

Can we talk Dance Moms for a second? Those of you not watching this show are missing out. Last nights episode was incredible. Seriously, if you took the transcribed dialogue from the show, a college lit class could dissect it for its drama, intrigue, and themes. Some of the more prevalent themes include: good vs evil, racial oppression, betrayal, and heartache. Also there was a dog in a stroller. You guys--it's so good. I cried TWICE during the episode. Yes, Mom, I know, I'm very hormonal, but it was also so emotional! You need to be watching this show. Your only excuse is if you have an extreme aversion to listening to someone speak who obviously needs their adenoids removed. Because Abby is a nasal, mouth-breathing monster.

I decided one thing I'm going to do from now on (that won't be at all annoying), is to say "absotootley" every time I really mean "absolutely".

Last night for dessert I made blackberry and blueberry crisp and I hate to say its already all gone. It's just such a delicious treat, especially with some ice cream... Between the rice krispies I downed in like a day and now this crisp, I'm thinking I need to take a break from baking desserts. Otherwise it will be insulin- city for me.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Snow's the Worst

Today was not a great day for me.  I had my first winter breakdown when I was leaving work.  Back story: it snowed a few inches over the weekend.  Not a ton, but enough that the roads are all covered and icy, and the sides of the roads all have pretty deep drifts along the curb.  At work, we don't have employee parking, so we have to park in the street.  Normally it's not that bad and I can find a spot I can just pull up to on the curb (rather than parallel) and it's not a problem.  Today, I pulled up to my normal section along the curb, and as I was pulling up, I wondered if the snow would be too deep.  I tried to back up and pull out to test it, and it worked fine, so I pulled back along the curb and went on my merry way.  Well as I was rushing to leave this afternoon--I had stayed almost an hour late and was worried the dogs were going to wet their kennels--I tried to pull my car out and found it was stuck in the accumulated snow.  I can't even tell you the amount of frustration I could feel building inside me with each time I stepped on the gas.  There was so much ice underneath the snow that even though my car was in drive, I kept sliding backwards.  I couldn't get out of the rut I was stuck in to save my life.  Every time I stepped on the gas, the car would shake side to side and then hit the curb.  I didn't even know that was possible for the car to shake like that.  It felt like King Kong was hovering above my car and shaking it every time I tried to drive away.  After 20 minutes of very high blood pressure and whining to Jacob on the phone, I was finally able to weasel my way out and immediately broke down in illogical, heaving sighs.  To make matters worse, my car was parked in the line of sight of my boss's window, so I'm sure she and the guy I work with were watching me laughing, wondering when I would give up and come in and ask to be pulled out of the snow.  To which I say:

Anyway, I cried to Jacob the whole way home.  It's the things like that that make me legitimately hate the snow.  It's scary when your car is stuck and you have no control and your traction control light keeps coming on.  It's scary when you slip on the ice walking down your front steps and feel like you're going to crack your head open on the cement.  It's real reasons like that that make me want to punch everyone in the face when they say "oh I wish I lived somewhere it snowed."  No.  No you freaking don't.

Another example of why today was the pits is my dinner experience.  I've been out of a lot of things for the last couple of days but since the roads have been bad, I've been putting off going to the store.  Tonight for dinner I made a broccoli and chicken stir fry dish I've never done before.  I'm going to be kind and say it tasted like vomit.  I took one bite and gave up, but unfortunately we had no other food in the house for me too eat, so I ended up having half a peanut butter sandwich for dinner and half a glass of milk.  I'm still super hungry, but I think the only thing left in the house is microwave popcorn, and since I ate an entire package of hot dogs over the weekend, I think I should probably not eat anymore salt for awhile. 

Okay, on to important things--Oscar dresses.  I didn't end up watching the show because I was totally over the whole thing (and bitter only a couple of the dresses I picked got worn).  Anyways, here's my Top 5 Best and Worst Dressed.  Enjoy.

Worst Dressed:
5.  Rooney Mara--The thing that irritates me is that she could have worn ANY dress from ANY designer.  And she went with a boring and poorly fitted Givenchy.  Not nearly the best one in the collection.  Frustrating.
4.  Anna Faris--To be fair, I have no idea why she was there, but the whole thing is just...not great.
 3.  Viola Davis--Oh girl, I hate to do this, but it's true.  I just did NOT like this dress.  The top made me uncomfortable and I can't imagine she felt like she could move at all.  Not to mention the bottom of the dress is....weird.  When Sandra Bullock wore the red Vera Wang last year, it had the same top, and I remember thinking how uncomfortable it looked and how I was hoping it was taped down.  And she didn't even have the boobs Viola has!  I have no idea how Viola kept that thing up.
Here's Sandra from last year for comparison's sake:
2.  Sandra Bullock--Come on, lady!  This is disappointing.  It looks like she bedazzled an old t-shirt and tucked it into a black skirt. 
1.  Jennifer Lopez--It's almost like it was a caricature of Jennifer Lopez, instead of the real woman.  It's just waaaay too divalicious for the Oscars.

Best Dressed
5.  Octavia Spencer--This dress looked so perfect on her.  Brava.
4.  Ellie Kemper--I can't get enough of this color. I could do without those bangs, but the dress, I LOVE.
3.  Gwyneth Paltrow (sans cape)--Okay, here's the thing.  I'm not a GOOP fan, and that cape actually made me LOL when I saw it.  She's got a real pretentious and snotty attitude which grosses me out about her.  To me, the cape looks like one of her housemaids just rested it on her shoulders while the driver is fetching the car (just finished season 1 of Downton Abbey).  BUT, despite all that, when she took the cape off, I really loved that dress.  Striking and simple and super chic. 
2.  Milla Jovavich--What can I say, Elie Saab knows how to make a dress.
1.  Jessica Chastain--Seriously, love this dress on her.  The black and gold combo is perfect for her skin tone and hair color.  Taking notes, KT?

What about you, any favorites or ones you hated? 

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Oscars Red Carpet

6:20 Angelina, snoozeville.

6:14 I'm so bored with this round table and only showing one picture every six minutes. I'm going back to my boiled chicken.

6:09. Seriously, where did Ryan go? Why can we only get still shots of the celebrities?

5:59 eww Gwyneth. That's not helping with the pretentious vibe you give off.

5:57. Has Ryan decided the Bisquick on his suit was too much? Why aren't they interviewing anyone? So boring.

5:54. Really? A Vampire Diaries discussion? LET ME SEE GOWNS!!

5:42. I have to agree with Guiliana and Kelly. Emma stones dress is way to close to Nicole Kidmans Balenciaga.

5:34. "the perks of dating George Clooney" is what Guiliana said about Stacy Kiebler. I love that "she's a nobody but she's dating the biggest star in the world, so she is in the best dress here today". Jealous much, G?

5:27. Emma Stone, I really love you.

5:23. Jennifer Lopez looks exactly the way I would expect. Desperate and flashy. She doesn't disappoint, I'll say that.

5:22 Tina Fey looks awesome in Carolina Herrera.

5:16 Ryan is SO PISSED at Sascha Baron Cohen. Hilarious. That's amazing. Thank you, Sascha.

5:12. One day Kristen Wiig will wear something that isn't brown or flesh-toned. That will be a great day.

5:11 Kate Mara's dress is baller.

5:05. I love Maya Rudolph. I wish we could be friends. Also, I love her dress.

5:03. Moment of truth--Kristen Wiig showed up. Wonder if she's wearing Zac Posen.

5:02. I love that Jonah Hill basically just admitted that 21 Jump Street looks terrible. That's very refreshing.

5:00 The scroll at the bottom of the screen says Jessica Chastain adopted a three legged dog. I HAVE A NEW FAVORITE ACTRESS

4:59. Dare I say, I think Glenn Close looks pretty dang good.

4:55 Rooney Mara couldn't have any less of a personality.

4:53. LOVE this conversation between Michelle Williams and Ryan. Trying to decide the color of her dress and she says "maybe pomegranate?" Ryan says "no, pomegranate is redder". SHUT DOWN! So hilarious.

4:49. Rooney Mara's hair looks like Olive Oyl. I'm sure that was intentional, but it takes her edginess away when you look like a wimpy cartoon.

4:45. How many kittens were in the limo with P Diddy? Why has his assistant been lint rolling him for the past three minutes?

4:42. Viola, I'm undecided on that dress. I felt like it was too much boob when Sandra Bullock wore the same top in red last (?) year. I just don't know.

4:28. Well Michelle Williams isn't wearing the dress I picked out for her. It's irritating, but it's the life of a fake stylist.

4:24. I am sad for Jessica Chastain and how star struck she is with seacrest.

4:21. Oh Shailene. You could do a lot better than that. "studying to become an herbalist". I was wondering why she seemed high.

4:20. Jessica Chastain looks FLAWLESS

4:20. Jane Seymour is a total cougar.

4:19 I'm sure the Fashion Police will hate Melissa McCarthys dress, but I think she looks great. She's got such a pretty face. Love her.

4:18. Stacy kiebler in the tacky Marchesa!!!! LOLOLOLOLOLOL

4:11. Bernice Bejo--she IS wearing my Elie Saab. Perfection.

4:10. Did Ellie Kemper get implants in preparation for the Oscars? Love the color of her dress.

4:07. Rose Byrne, I can see every bone in your body. You'd look beautiful with twenty more lbs.

4:06. Sorry Wolfgang, but that food looks gross. Here's why I couldn't be a successful actress. I'd show up and be like "lamb? No...are here any tacos?"

4:01. Ben Lyons, no one wants to see you. We're just watching for the gowns.

3:59. Mills jovavich looks baller in Elie Saab. Great pick.


3:51. Poor Missi Pyle. I can't look at her without seeing the gremlin she plays in Dodgeball.

I'm going to take this moment to brag on myself for a bit. While at the gym, I was watching the pre-red carpet show on E! and they were discussing which stars they were excited to see and picking dresses out for them. When they got to Michelle Williams, they picked out the same Oscar de la Renta dress I picked out for her!! That's legit you guys. She may not show up in the dress, but I would just it to go on the record that I picked out the same dress for someone as a professional stylist did.

I'm already live! I forgot how boring it is at first when no one has shown up. Looks like I have some time to sort the laundry.

Not gonna lie, I almost put the Badgley Mischka dress Kelly is wearing on my list yesterday.

Just got home from the gym. Time to start the red carpet coverage on E! I'll be behind for a bit. Here we go.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Oscar Gown Candidates

Okay you guys, here it is.  My short list of Oscar gown candidates.  After you're done looking at all these, you're going to think I was being sarcastic about this being the short list, but I'm not.  I had to cut out SOOO many dresses that I would love to see (I'm looking at you, Elie Saab), just because I felt like it's not really that impressive to pick gowns if you pick every gown done by every designer.  I should also warn you that for some reason I'm having a really hard time remembering who's nominated, so basically every dress I picked I had Angelina Jolie, Viola Davis, Tilda Swinton and Charlize Theron in mind.  And I'm not even sure all of them will be there!  Anyways, I hope you enjoy all the gowns as much as I do.  Most of these gowns are from the Fall 2012 Ready to Wear shows which just happened in New York.  I'm not sure if it's possible for them to get on the red carpet so soon after being shown, but if these stylists know what they're doing, they'll make it happen.  Okay, we'll go alphabetically, because it's too hard for me to go by preference.  Enjoy!

Carolina Herrera
More than anything, I want Helen Mirren to show up in this dress and just be all "bow down, mofos."  
Normally I'm not much for Carolina Herrera, but I LOVE this dress.  Sandra Bullock, you wanna put this on?  'Preciate ya!
Christian Dior
I'm not normally much on these poofy princess dresses, but I can see some PYT desperate for attention showing up in it.  

Elie Saab
I can't even tell you what I would do to wear this dress.  If someone I hate wears this (ahem, Gwyneth Paltrow), I think I'll cry.
LOVE.  I seriously have no idea how I cut Elie Saab down to two dresses.  

J. Mendel
I can't imagine anyone actually showing up to the Oscars in this, but if someone is desperate enough for attention and has a rockin bod, they could do worse.  Is Halle Berry gonna be there tomorrow?  I can see her in this.
I can hear trumpets when I see this dress.  I mean that in a very good way.
Someone said this on a blog I read and now it's the only thing I see with this dress--Tilda Swinton.  It's just bizarre enough that it would totally work for her, but it's also tacky enough with the lame and the cutouts that I feel like J.Lo would cut somebody to wear it.
Viola Davis, want to come pick up your dress? 

Heaven's knows I'm not a Marchesa fan, but since Hollywood loses their mind for over designed tulle dresses, I'm sure there will be a few of those floating around tomorrow. 
I don't mind this until you get to the Kleenex on the bottom.  It's kinda scroll-down ugly, but ehh..
The top is pretty enough that I'll excuse anyone who wants to wear this.  Hear that Hollywood?  I'm giving you the go-ahead on a Marchesa.  I'd take that, if I were you.
And then there's this...It's tacky, sure.  But hey, like I said, I think J.Lo will be there tomorrow.

Michael Kors
Angelina Jolie? 
I'm not sure who would wear it, but if no one takes it, I will.
Rooney Mara, perhaps? 

Monique Lhullier
I take it back, here you go, Rooney.
I take back everything bad I've said about you, Monique.  If no one snatches this dress up, Hollywood is dumber than I thought.
Emma stone?  I don't know, but I like it.

Oscar de la Renta
You're welcome, Michelle Williams.
Meryl Streep, bring it, sister.
If I don't see this tomorrow, my heart will break.

Ralph Lauren
I wish I could see it without the jacket, but I think I love it either way.

Reem Acra
Can we all just agree that if Angelina Jolie showed up in this, every head at the E! network would explode?

I'm not sure if Cate Blanchett is even going to be there tomorrow, but if she is, she could show up in this dress and everyone else would just be like " win."  Personally, I'd take off the hip accent, but she could make it work.

Zac Posen
Tilda, don't worry about fighting J.Lo for the J. Mendel dress!  THIS IS YOURS!
It's boring, but someone could make it pretty awesome.  Just not sure who.
I'm not much on Zac Posen, but I like this.  Lots.

Okay, what do you guys think?  Favorites?  Any you're desperate to see?  Think you know who would look great in them?  Don't you wish people wore gowns everyday?  I know I do.

Gown Research

Okay, time for me to hunker down in my cave and do some serious fashion research.  By that, I mean find gowns that I desperately would want to wear and curse famous people who don't take them.  I'll be back in a few hours with lots of pretty pics.

Thursday, February 23, 2012


BREAKING NEWS!  I just saw the Hunger Games trailer for the first time and my adrenaline is pumping like you wouldn't even believe.  I was in the process of rinsing out a bowl in the kitchen when I heard the commercial and I just dropped the bowl and dove headfirst at the remote to rewind and watch the whole commercial.  I'm actually not sure if I broke the bowl...I never went back to check.  After the commercial, which even Jacob admitted looked good (!), we got sucked into a conversation about Peeta vs Gale, and sweet Jacob kept calling Peeta, Peter, and was shocked when I told him he was wrong.  Whatever, anyways, I am so so so so so excited that there's less than a month left until Hunger Games comes out.  If you haven't read the book yet, READ IT.  So good.  Even Jacob, who dislikes books, literature, movies, and general entertainment, enjoyed listening to the audio book and will go see the movie with me (if they show it anywhere in North Dakota...)  Seeing that commercial is making me wish I hadn't lent the books to Dana because I want to read all three this weekend.  Dana, you still have my Hunger Games and Catching Fire, right?  PLEASE TELL ME YOUR MOM DIDN'T BURN THEM!!!

I skipped Bunco tonight because I was feeling really lazy all day and didn't want to have to go to the store and bake something and then stay up late pretending to be social.  So instead I napped, went running at the gym with Jacob, watched tv, and played a couple of you guys on Scramble with Friends.  All in all, it's been a pretty fabulous night.  Minus the super crappy dinner I made.  This week I did something foolish when I made my menu--out of 7 meals, I only planned for one that I've ever made before.  I seriously don't know why I did that because whenever I try new recipes, it normally doesn't go well.  I probably only repeat about 10% of the recipes I try.  Tonight's was definitely not a repeater.  It was a chicken and portobello stroganoff, and I just must have really messed it up because it never thickened up, so it was basically egg noodles in a creamy, brothy soup.  Not good.  Jacob was sweet and ate two bowls.  I ate 1/4 of a bowl, two packets of Fun Dip, and half a peanut butter sandwich.  My dinner was way better than his.

So let me tell you about the important things I'm preparing.  Boys, you're excused here. Anyways, with the Oscars this weekend, I'm working on going through some of my favorite designers from Fashion Week that just ended and picking out the gowns I REALLY want to see.  It's a tough and rigorous job, but somebody's got to do it, you know?  If you have any you're dying to see, let me know.  I'm always curious as to which gowns and/or designers stand out to people.  So here's the thing. While I was going through the shows that just wrapped up for Fashion Week, I came across the Monique Lhullier show, and had to had to be all "girl, why you doin this to me again!?"  You may remember, I've said this about her show before.  (NOTE TO MONIQUE LHULLIER LEGAL TEAM:  Please don't come after me!)  She does beautiful designs, but sometimes they feel a bit too familiar for my liking.  This year, I was especially struck by one gown in particular.
Now, if you had shown me this picture, I would have said "Oh yeah, typical Marchesa..." so I was shocked that this was Lhullier.  Equally shocking to me is that I didn't read anything from other bloggers about this dress being so similar to the Marchesa style. If I was doing a Rorschach test and someone showed me this gown, I would've said Marchesa before my brain even processed it. Just my gut reaction. For example, here are two dresses from Marchesa's Fall 2011 line:
To me, if you combine those dresses, you end up with something VERY similar to the Lhullier dress.  I don't know, maybe other people don't see it and I'm just biased because of the lace (especially the red lace) and tulle which are SO Marchesa, but I think this is just a bit to referential.  If you click on the pictures and look at the detailing, I just see a lot of similarities that surprise me.  If I were Georgina Chapman, I'd be waltzing over to Monique Lhullier and being all passive aggressive like "Oh hey girl, love your dresses.  I was going through a similar phase last year."

Anyway, you can see the important things I've been working on over here.  Typical groundbreaking material at our house.  Now time to get back to my Scramble games.  Seriously, I tackle a lot of really important things on a daily basis.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012


Well it's snowing here. Like real, actual, pain-in-butt snow. Like, Jacob will have to shovel in the morning. I know that's really dumb to complain about since we've had such a mild winter so far, I just can't overstate how much I hate snow. If one person at work tomorrow says "oh but it's so pretty!" I might actually punch them in the face. It's not pretty when you can't see in front of you when you're driving, or when your car skids off the road. You can see how the snow effects my mood.....

Now I'm not even in the mood to talk about how crappy I played in my volleyball game tonight. We got smoked again of course and I took a dive on my knees which are still bruised from last week.

Seriously, this snow has me so pissed. North Dakota, we are not friends.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Short Post

Today was a hectic day. I had to leave from work to go to the high school because the hospital sponsored the basketball games tonight, so a few of us were in charge of taking money at the entrances. For those of you who don't know, the high school mascot is the Midgets, and I have no idea how they get away with that. The character logo that's on all their paraphernalia is a squatty, stumpy, angry little man. It's awful and hilarious at the same time and I'm not sure how the fans can scream "GO MIDGETS" during tense moments without laughing.

Tonight after the basketball game, I had to do my grocery shopping. I was exhausted and NOT IN THE MOOD for Walmart. While walking to the cash registers, a little girl was running around like crazy and dashed right in front on my cart and I had to come to a dead stop. The mother looked at me, of course didn't apologize for her daughter's wild behavior, and laughed like "isn't she the cutest?!" I rolled my eyes and said "girl please". People need to be told when their kids are annoying and I don't mind taking on that responsibility.

Quick shout out to Dana and David. Three years ago, two of the coolest people I know got married and they are a pretty baller married couple. Even though I nearly had a panic attack before giving my toast, I had a great time at their wedding. Happy anniversary, Dana and David!! I'll just say, I called you guys getting married after knowing you for only one semester, and you weren't even dating,'re welcome.

Okay I desperately need to go to bed. Tomorrow's going to be another busy day, PLUS I have a volleyball game. I cannot wait until this weekend. I'm shooting for 12 hours of sleep Friday night.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Weekend Gym Excursion

Today work was super busy and I was given a to-do list of about 30 items to get done this week.  That may not sound like that much, but when you spend most days sorting your pens by color, that's pretty wild.  I have a feeling this week is going to fly by.  

Over the weekend I tried really hard to keep up with my workouts, but I was just feeling so tired and lazy and I was so sucked into Downton Abbey (more on that in a couple of days) that I did kind of a terrible job going.  I did manage to go to the gym on Saturday, but it wasn't a great workout.  I tried to do my run, but I swear, the track has completely killed my legs.  I got about two minutes into the run and my shins seized up so bad it felt like a gremlin had attached itself to my leg and was cutting off all circulation and movement.  I had to quit early, and everyday I see the Vancouver run slip further and further from my mind.  It's a terrible combination of being unmotivated and genuine pain when I run at the gym.  It doesn't make for a great workout.  Once I quit running and had spent 15 minutes rubbing the pain out of my shins, I decided I would get on the bike and elliptical to at least get some exercise.  To say there were some interesting characters there would be an understatement of epic proportions.
The bikes and ellipticals at the gym face the basketball court, so you can watch the tv attached to your machine, or you can just watch the people playing basketball in front of you. Since it was a Saturday afternoon, I opted to watch the pick-up game going on in front of me.  I did not regret that decision.  The first person that really caught my eye was a 30-ish year old guy, we'll call him Reggie (his friends call him Cornbread).  Reggie was probably 5'5 (GENEROUS) with bad teeth, a beer gut and neck tattoos.  Lucky for all the ladies in the building, Reggie was on the skins team, and I couldn't help but notice he had a very distinct wife beater tan.  Might I remind you that it's February in North Dakota, so the only POSSIBLE way he's keeping those tan lines is that HE'S ACTUALLY GOING TO THE TANNING BED IN A WIFE BEATER.  There are so many layers or white trash there that I can't even begin to dissect that.  To complete the look, Reggie wore super long and baggy basketball shorts, though in his defense he probably has a hard time finding any that aren't too long on him.  He had on shooting sleeves like Allen Iverson wore on both arms,
and he had on an NBA brand sweatband and about three wristbands per arm.  Dude--no one thinks you're black and tough.  If you look like ANY NBA player, it's one of the awkward white guys who play for the Jazz.  
 He was currently in the middle of a very intense pickup game with 2 forty year old men and 7 middle schoolers.  The whole thing really was just pathetic.  Not only did he look like a poser because he totally sucked, but he was losing to a bunch of 13 year old boys, not a single one old enough to have grown even an armpit hair.  Sorry Reggie, but it's time to give up the dream and accept the fact that you're a driver for UPS.  It's sad.

Once that game ended and Reggie's team lost, a bunch of new clowns showed up trying to get into the new game.  I couldn't believe how many 20 something year old guys were trying to get in the game to play with middle schoolers.  Maybe you should stick to playing full grown men.  (Sorry Reggie)  One guy joined in the next game was really fun for me to watch because he was obviously very pleased with himself.  I'm 100% positive he volunteered to be on the skins team because even before the teams were set, he whipped off his shirt and looked around, hoping to spot some of his admirers.  Well he spotted me, but unfortunately for him I was laughing so hard I was crying.  He was in good shape, but his pecs were just a bit too large for my liking.  I'm a flat chested girl and I really don't care to see a man work himself up to a C cup.  It was also clear from the way he kept stroking his stomach, that he probably sits at home, compulsively doing 8 minute abs.  "Okay I need to leave for work in an hour, so I can do 8 Minute Abs 7 times!"  The problem was (besides the disgusting vanity), once the game started, I realized he ran like a girl.  To be more specific, he ran exactly like cheerleaders do when they're running in place--chest leaning forward, arms clapping, feet kicking your butt.  I was surprised to actually see him move anywhere with that form because, like I said, I only see cheerleaders do it when they're standing in one place.  I would've thought it was impossible to propel yourself forward with that motion without falling on your face.

Once I finished on the machines, I went into the locker room to get my stuff.  There was a rowdy bunch of white trash in there, reeking of smoking.  In the 4 minutes it took me to change into my sweats and put my boots on, I must have heard the F word 75 times. From what I could gather, that's the only word in the English language they had a strong grasp on.  Everything else was either tensed wrong, misspoken, or used in the wrong context.  The ringleader walked past me as I was gathering up my things and went to stand in the doorway of the locker room so she could watch "her man" play basketball (here's hoping it was Reggie!).  Obviously she wasn't much for modesty since she stood there, straight out of the lap pool (more likely lazy river), dripping water all over the carpet, in her bathing suit which did not cover a single one of her 300+ lbs of curves.  I'm not sure how it didn't bother her, because I felt like her nipples were only centimeters away from popping out of that top.  Maybe that's what she was going for.

This Saturday night, I went to dinner with a few other girls whose fiances work with Jacob.  They're super nice girls and I really like them a lot, but it was just kind of a weird dinner.  They spent about 15 minutes talking about how they didn't like to watch tv, had no interest in it, and fell asleep whenever they sat down to watch anything.  Anyone who knows me knows that I take that as a personal insult, since I've always considered the tv to be one of my closest friends.  If I had been on a first date and someone said that he didn't like tv, I'd probably do a spit take, throw my drink in his face, then storm off.  If you're going to insult something I love, I can't see how this relationship can go on.  Despite that, dinner continued and someone brought up the movie theater in town.  I said that I was going to see The Hunger Games next month NO MATTER WHAT and they all looked at me with blank stares.  They didn't know what it was and seemed confused.  I thought they must be kidding, but no, they hadn't heard of the book series or the movie coming out, even though it's A BIG FREAKING DEAL.  But I can't fault them for that, since they must not have the internet.  I just....I don't know about these girls.  They're great and all, but if they have no concept of pop culture, I can't even imagine that we'll have anything to really ever talk about.  Think about all the good Nicholas Cage jokes, Full House references, and Dance Moms breakdowns they'll be missing out on.

When Jacob came home yesterday, he brought me my Valentine's Day present.  Here's how I know Jacob is great, he sees tacky, flashy Nike running shorts and knows I'll love them. He found some awesomely bad running shorts with yellow and lime green stripes and hot pink trim and knew they'd be my pick.  I can't even lie--I would have bought them in a heartbeat.  He also bought me a super awesome track jacket and a James Avery ring that I love.  I never would have picked it out for myself, but I super love it.  He seriously did a great job.

Also, I was able to give him his Valentine's present, which was Rosetta Stone, Spanish edition. Spanish is a love language so that should count for romantic present, right?  Really, we both just want to re-learn Spanish so we can speak it in public and freak out the locals here. 

I was inspired by Aimee and decided to make Rice Krispie treats last night for the first time in my life.  I'm not sure how I managed to make it 26 years without ever making them on my own, but I did.  24 hours after making the, 75% of the 9x13 pan is gone, and I'm not sure Jacob has had more than one square.  The next time I make them, I plan on making Cake Batter Rice Krispie Treats.  They have sprinkles, so they're guaranteed to be delicious.  I'll let you know how they turn out.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Jacob is Home!

Yay! Jacob came back from Houston today, and the boys and I are delighted he's home. I was trying to clean the house this morning and time got away from me a bit (overslept) and I left a few minutes late to get him from the airport. I thought I was making good time on the 1.5 hour drive until my phone rang 40 minutes before I thought he wanted me to be there and it was Jacob saying they'd landed. I still had over 25 miles to go, so I just increased my speed and hoped I wouldn't get pulled over. As it happens, I did get spotted by a sneaky cop when I was getting close, but he pulled over a car behind me instead. It was a close call. The boys are ecstatic Jacob's back. Even Andy has fallen asleep in bed laying against me, which violates 2 of his personal rules-- only sleep in the bed when mom and dad aren't, and never let them have the satisfaction of getting snuggled.

Unfortunately the chores this morning combined with the Bismarck trip have left me completely exhausted. I didn't even get a nap in today, you guys! I know what you're thinking, but please, don't cry for me. Your pity can be expressed through flowers and gifts.

Tomorrow I promise to write a longer post. Despite the multitude of naps, I had a pretty interesting weekend. Look forward to the characters you'll be introduced to tomorrow...

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Great Plans Ahead

I don't have to work tomorrow because I already fulfilled my hours for the pay period. Tonight Oscar and I are celebrating by eating Fun Dip and watching Criminal Minds. Andy, on the other hand, seems very put out that I'm still awake and trying to spend time with him. Typical mom--total buzzkill.

Today work was basically baller. We did a welcome lunch for our new clinic and brought them pizza. I thought we were just bringing it to their office as a "thanks and welcome to the hospital" thing, but they wanted us to stay and eat! Free drinks, pizza and chocolate truffles?! Huzzah! Granted it was pizza from Pizza Ranch, which...wasn't great. I'm always surprised when people order pizza delivery from a buffet place. It always feels like they're settling. Regardless--it was nice to get pizza and a free coke. I was basically getting paid to go out on what, in my world, is a pretty fancy date. Although, thinking about it like that...eeks. That's a slippery slope to being a prostitute. Or if you're a glass-half-full kinda guy, just an escort.

So tomorrow my plans are to run, go to Herbergers, start (and possibly finish) season one of Downton Abbey. Also, I plan on having several naps with Oscar. It's going to be a phenomenal day. I'm really wishing we had a Hobby Lobby in town because I think I could be very inspired to get some real crafting done tomorrow. I guess I could stop by the Dakota Sew and So for the first time, but I have a feeling it looks like 1993 in there and everything is covered by tacky floral prints.

The swelling in my knees has gone down significantly, but the bruising looks like I've been making prune juice with my knees. I tried to take a picture with the iPad to show you, but the camera quality sucks, so it wasn't worth it. Anyways, my knees have been aching all day and I'm wishing I had moved my knee pads up here. Just as long as my kneehole doesn't open up, I should be fine. The last thing I need is stitches.

So I meant to go over this the other day; last weekend Jacob and I watched Super 8. I'm still unsure about it. I thought it had a great feel, just like Dana said, it's similar to the Sandlot or The Goonies (shame on you for not watching those Dana). Some parts made me laugh and I thought the kids were really great but...I don't know. I wasn't crazy about the ending. I don't want to give anything away, but I thought the reason for the strange things happening around town was just kind of lame. I expect more from you, J.J. Abrams. It was worth watching, but I wouldn't see it again. 3 out of 5 stars on Netflix.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Post-Volleyball Aches

Tonight was my first time playing on my boss's volleyball team. I was pretty nervous beforehand because I just really didn't want to suck and embarrass myself. Turns out those were wasted worries. Other than whiffing on every serve, I played fine, but that didn't matter since we lost all three games by at least 15 points. We aren't exactly competitive. It was fun though. Jodi's friends are funny and when she leaves the office she becomes even goofier and it was really fun to play with her. Unfortunately being down 23-6 didn't stop my instincts from kicking in and I took a few too many dives. Right now my knees are so sore and swollen its unbelievable. The eggs on my knees look like Yoshi could pop out any moment and start eating Koopa shells and breathe fire. I'm going to have some insane bruises tomorrow, so I might have to take pictures.

Tonight after the game I skipped going to the bar with the team because I had to run to the store to get a few things. I was getting pretty hungry so I did some impulse shopping. Jodi had mentioned before our volleyball game that she had gotten Chinese food for dinner. That sounded incredible, and my hunger pains clouded my better judgment and I got frozen chicken fried rice for dinner. It was just as terrible as you can imagine and now I find myself wishing I'd stuck with my fail safe--the sandwich. I'm sorry I ever doubted you, sandwich.

While I was at walmart, I decided to browse through the 50% off Valentines candy. (impulse shopping!). I ended up getting some fun-size Fun Dips and treated myself to a 50 cent box of chocolates. I kind of shrugged and tossed them into my basket just because they were so cheap. Later on the phone, I was telling jacob about the cheap chocolates as I got them out of the fridge. I was just like "These are always so terrible. I really just like to get them for the surprise and adventure. I probably won't even touch them." I looked down and BOOM they were all gone. Guess they were worth the 50 cents.

I have been missing Jacob like crazy today. I hate pulling into the garage and seeing his car but he's not home. That sounds really morbid--he's not dead, just in Houston! Anyway, I'm just so ready for him to come home. Today he called me (woke me up from a nap but whatever) and was asking my ring size. I told him, but reminded him that he really didn't have to bring me back a valentines present. He tried to play it off and was like "ohhh no reason, I was just wondering". I love him, but he's seriously the worst liar. Oh well, its a sweet thought. I was really tempted just to say to him "That's really sweet and all but there are some really cute fossil necklaces from Herbergers that I've got my eye on that I could find some coupons for..."

So I found out that someone I knew from high school and college had a baby boy and his middle name is Asher. When I heard that I had to laugh because it made me think of this story about my nephew, Luke. When Luke was in pre-k (kindergarten??), he had gotten his school class picture and had it framed on the wall. I was looking at the picture with him, and noticed the big boy in the center of the front row, who definitely stood out from the rest of the kids. I didn't say anything because I assumed there was something developmentally wrong with him and I wasn't gonna be a jerk. After asking about some of the cute girls in the picture, he said emphatically, "don't ask me about the boy in the blue shirt!!", referencing the boy I had noticed. I said sympathetically, "oh yeah? What's wrong with him?" I was totally prepared for a heart to heart about how some kids are just different and you shouldn't make fun of anyone. What I was NOT prepared for was Lukes response of "I HATE HIM!". Turns out the boy, named Asher, was just a big goof and bully and he got on Luke's nerves. Every time I went in to his room after that and would look at the picture, I'd ask how his best friend Asher was and he would roll his eyes and sigh very dramatically. Oh Luke. I love you.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Anna Howard Shaw Day

Today I had some more issues in the work bathroom.  I think I've really learned my lesson about buying a Jimmy Johns sub in Bismarck and waiting until getting home in Dickinson (1.5 hours) to eat it.  That will MESS YOU UP.  Anyways, I'm still dealing with that whole thing and I happened to be in the bathroom at work for longer than I'm comfortable with saying.  The bathroom by my office only has two stalls, and I'm always really paranoid that someone is going to come in to the other stall at the worst possible moment.  Thankfully, today no one had to lose their lives by coming into the war zone while I was in there.  But I did get seriously burned by an unexpected new foe.  After several rounds of artillery fire, I was cooling my heels waiting for the next attack, when I heard a beep and a whooshing sound.  Turns out I had been in there so long, I had gone the entire length of the cycle for the automatic air freshener.  For being a completely impersonal, inanimate object, it was very humbling and total felt like some snobby Englishwoman had just walked and and said "Oh, it's quite dreadful in here!"
 I'm not sure if any of you have every been burned by an inanimate object before, but it hurt.  When I finally came out of the stall, I felt like I was looking at this face when I looked at that cocky little air freshener hanging from the wall.
Touche, air freshener.  You may have won this round, but we'll see who's laughing last when I come in tomorrow with a baseball bat.

Well I was able to run my three miles tonight, which felt good and I'm glad I did it.  Unfortunately, tonight saw the return of my male nemesis, Zac. For those who don't remember Zac, he's the Bill Hader look-alike with the square head, glandular problem, and flat feet who always makes me mad when we share the track.  Here's the thing with Zac--he's awkward and annoying and obviously extremely competitive because the second he sees anyone within half a lap of him, he sprints until he passes them, and as he passes you, he leaves you very little personal space.  That would be annoying enough, but I have to admit, his appearance plays a large part in my constant aggravation.  Tonight, for example, he was wearing basketball shorts that had to have been above his belly button because they stopped about four inches above his knees, with spandex underneath that stopped mid-kneecap.  He was also wearing black high tops that seemed to slap the floor with the force of a wrecking ball as his huge flat platypus feet smacked the floor with every step.  I was irritated with Zac from the very beginning because the track was packed with people walking after work, and Zac kept making it his mission to sprint past me and spook me.  Several times I was trying to pass a pack of walkers when out of NOWHERE I had to slam on the brakes because Zac was running right by me and would graze my shoulder.  I swear, I think he watches for when other runners are trying to just go around walkers and then sprints to cut them off so they either bump into him or have to completely stop.  I seriously hate this guy.  Once, as I was passing a couple large ladies (no offense, there just wasn't a lot of room left to go around) I'm trying to squeeze past, and Zac comes up and squeezes right on past us.  This track is NOT WIDE ENOUGH FOR 4 PEOPLE.  It just isn't.  Honestly, it's a tough to fit three wide on the track, so what he was thinking I have no idea.  So of course I bump into one of the ladies and Zac slimes me with all of the sweat from his arm.  That's when I had to give him a "geez dude!" because, come on.  Personal space, you idiot.

Well today I am without my human Valentine since Jacob's in Houston, which is a bummer, but it's been very nice getting my snuggle on with my two furry guys.  Since making myself a sandwich only took two minutes of my evening, I've had a lot of time to relax and enjoy myself.  After watching an episode of Dance Moms and doing Face Time with Ashley and her handsome boys, I've just been watching clips from my favorite Valentine's episodes.  To be honest, I find myself watching some of these clips at least once a week.  Enjoy!
Leave it to Liz Lemon to give some of the very best Valentine's Day moments ever:


Gotta include Parks & Rec.  

 Still in the mood for some Valentine's Day related laughs?  Watch the Anna Howard Shaw Day episode of 30 Rock.  It's my all time favorite episode and I watched it twice today (okay 3 times).  Hope everyone had a great, chocolatey, romantic Valentine's day! 

Monday, February 13, 2012

Lazy day with the boys

Well the boys and I have made it through our first day without Jacob. There was a lot of sleeping and perhaps more trashy television. Also, three sandwiches and four pop tarts. I like to carbo-load when Jacob leaves.

Work today was....pretty easy. I was fairly busy for the first couple of hours and then went to our weekly Monday meeting, but since two of the people in our office were out today and one guy was still at lunch, it was just my boss and I. Somehow we made a fifteen minute meeting last over two hours. Meeting over, time to go home. That's not a bad deal at all.

Update on my Vancouver half training: nonexistent. That boot camp last week knocked me out so bad that I was painfully sore until yesterday. So much so that running was completely impossible. Honestly I had a hard time sitting down to use the bathroom. At one point I was struggling so hard to sit down in the stall at work, so finally I kicked both legs up at once and fell back on the toilet and thought I broke my tailbone. Also today I had an incident in the bathroom when I was pulling my pants back up. Somehow my thumbnail clawed me super hard and I was convinced I was going to bleed through my pants. It was going to get really embarrassing if I had to ask a coworker for a pad "oh you're on your period? That sucks". "No, but I need to cut my fingernails. I'll just be sticking this on the butt of my pants. No biggie". ANYWAYS, back to the training--so today was the first day that I wasn't too sore to work out, but I was stuck by some intestinal issues and never made it to the gym. Tomorrow I'm hoping to be back on track though, so we'll see how it goes.

Poor Andy still hasn't figured out that Jacob isn't coming home soon. Ever since we got back from our walk this afternoon, Andy has been laying at the top of the stairs waiting for Jacob to walk in. Poor goof. Oscar is adjusting just fine to our quality time, of course. Last night I was doing the laundry and when I brought a clean load upstairs to be folded, I dumped it all on the couch and before I could do anything, Oscar was laying on all of it. I know he loved it at first because it was straight out of the dryer and felt so warm, but at this point he's still sleeping on a pile of my socks and underwear so I'm not really sure what the appeal is there.