New Jersey Episode 4

As I'm watching the recap of last weeks episode--you guys, that last episode was so good.

As we are watching the women talk to their spouses about the Teresa and Melissa fight, I'm struck by a couple of things. 1) Kathy's camo hat and tank top are just not a great look. 2) watching Rich and Kathy hold hands is making me nauseous. It's like two lizards fighting.

For as much as Kathy tries to play peacemaker and give Teresa a second chance, her husband talks A LOT of trash about Teresa. I get that Teresa is crazy, but you can't say you're wanting to believe Teresa is still a good person and you're not ready to give up on her and then let your husband bash her and swear about her every single time she's brought up. Rich is just way too much of an instigator for me. And even though I appreciate Kathy's willingness to forgive Teresa, she's way too passive about how Rich talks about her. If you really care about her, tell him he needs to stop talking about your family like that. If you don't care about her, let him continue on and you might as well join him.

Someone please explain what this machine is that Joe Guidice is on while Teresa relates the previous nights fight. It's like got a steering wheel between his legs that's pulling his legs together. What in the world? Does this help him poop? Because when he walked into the room, he said he really needed to poop and the next thing you know, he's looking like a kid playing pretend bus driver, wheeling his legs shut.

Teresa's recount of the fight is predictably ridiculous.

OKAY NOW JOE GUIDICE'S LEGS ARE IN A WIDE SPLIT POSITION AND HE'S RESTING ON THE STERING WHEEL. What the heck, people?! Why are they not address the hand crank he uses to stretch his legs in the bedroom??? Is this some sort of weird sex toy? Because if it is, please DON'T tell me about it.

Here we go again with Joe Guidice making fun of what other people look like. He thinks Melissa looks like a horse, Kathy looks like a frog...has anyone ever told him he looks like a gorilla? And not in a cute monkey sort of way, but in a disproportionate, touches his own feces kind of way.

I want to know what the heck has happened between Caroline, Jacqueline and Dina that Dina isn't talking to the other two, but she's still
close with Teresa. How the heck do you fight with Jacqueline?! Give her a glass of wine and she giggles about anything! She seems like the easiest friend in the world. I'll be your friend, Jacqueline!

It's bothering me that Teresa is working out with her hair down and in a tube top. FYI, one of my biggest pet peeves is when people don't wear appropriate workout gear, so here's just one more reason for Teresa to get on my nerves.

PLOT TWIST: The trainer is a secret alcoholic?! They just cut to her gym bag with the wine in it. I can't wait to see how this develops. If only we'd met this hot mess at some point before this very moment so we could be disappointed in how she's living her life!

This personal training session is a total waste of time. I hope Jacqueline isn't paying this drunk trainer per hour, because so far all they've done is 15 mountain climbers. Well unfortunately they didn't discover the trainers secret stash in the bathroom, which is too bad, but I do appreciate the camera man zooming in on the bottle to implicate her since the girls didn't notice. I also love Jacqueline asking the girl if her pants were inside out right before they cut to another scene. She's on to you, drunky. All the altoids in the world can't cover up the smell of Sutter Home on your breath.

How can Chris afford to buy a brand new Jaguar?? Can someone please explain his finances to me? Caroline said before that she doesn't give the kids money, she just pays for their groceries occasionally. Okay, I feel a lot better about that car being for Caroline. But before she found that out and they said Chris was getting the car, how did she not just blurt out "HOW CAN YOU AFFORD THIS THING?"

Kathy's kids seem pretty normal, but someone needs to teach her daughter to chew with her mouth closed. OKAY here's an example of why Rich bugs me. They're talking about their pool party and Kathy's confused because neither of her kids had friends show up. So Rich says to the camera that since Teresa and Joe were invited to the party, he told his kids to play along and not invite any of their friends, claiming "the fewer people who know you're related to Joe and Teresa Guidice, the better it is for your reputation in high school". I have so many issues with that. The most obvious being that it's kind of hard to keep the relation a secret since YOU'RE ON A TV SHOW AND CONSTANTLY TALKING ABOUT HOW YOURE RELATED TO TERESA. It's not like it's some big secret. Also, it bothers me how much he's undermining his wife in the whole Teresa thing. Yes, all of America knows she's crazy, but you should not be telling that to your kids. If their mom wants to project a united and healthy family that enjoys each others company, let her do that!! I HATE when people teach their kids who to like and who to dislike. Because I guarantee Kathy's kids make fun of Joe and Teresa, simply repeating the things their dad says, not because of their own experiences or feelings. Let your kids form their own opinions about Joe and Teresa.

Rosie sighting you guys!!! And she's in a bandana. I love it.

This FaceTime between Ashley and Jacqueline is awkward. There is a lot of just staring back and forth at each other. Maybe she just got fresh injections and she's not supposed to move her lips much. I still just can't get over that face. That's a shame.

Melissa's attitude about how to act to Teresa around her kids is very refreshing. At least we have someone who is capable of thinking logically.

OKAY I REALLY THOUGHT ROSIE WAS ABOUT TO DO A CANNONBALL. Instead, she just had the boys in the pool race each other. What a letdown. PLEASE MAKE THIS HAPPEN.

Rich: "Whatever the adults are going through in their relationship, they should keep the kids out of it". SAYS THE GUY WHO TOLD HIS KIDS NOT TO INVITE THEIR FRIENDS OVER FOR FEAR THAT PEOLLE WOULD FIND OUT THEY'RE RELATED TO TERESA ANS JOE. Man, Rich just bugs me so bad. He'll accuse Teresa of doing something like talking about her family, and then he'll mock Teresa's family for like 20 minutes. He says the kids shouldn't be involved in the adults problems, but he's making fun of the Guidices right in front of (and with) his kids. He's just so judgmental about everything, but most of the qualities he dislikes in Teresa are qualities HE has.

ASK AND IT SHALL BE GIVEN!! ROSIE IS GOING TO DO A CANNONBALL!!!!!! Did she do a bellyflop?! I love it.

Holy Barbara Streisand sighting! I love that picture of Al and Caroline from when they were first married. That's pretty adorable. Oh my gosh, Chris looks EXACTLY like Al when he was younger.

I just realized why Rich's mouth bothers me so much. It looks exactly like how my mouth feels when I've had a ton of dental work done and I'm numb and I can't tell if my lips are closing and if I'm dripping drool down my face.

I love that Joe Gorga "doesn't believe in therapy". I guess I don't see how talking through your problems with an unbiased person helping you stay on track could HURT. I also am not sure therapy is something you can believe in. It's just talking through issues. What is there to not believe in?

Oy, I don't know how Joe Gorga can carry on a conversation with his sister. It's maddening how she turns everything on everyone else. It's Joe's fault that Melissa is upset about Teresa saying Melissa would leave Joe for someone rich. It's Joe's fault that Teresa has changed because he changed when HE got married. It's unreal. I'd be shocked if she ever admitted to doing anything in her whole life. I can't even follow her logic; first she's accusing her brother of not being there for her, even though all she has is her parents and her brother. Then a minute later she's saying that she doesn't need anybody. You can't be mad at him for "not being there" for you and then claim you don't need anybody. That doesn't make sense. I get that Teresa is completely delusional, but I don't know how she can tell her brother he is the "meanest brother ever" when he's trying to tell you he wants to have a relationship with you again. Especially after you've just told him that his wife is a gold-digger who will leave him when a richer man comes along. To me, that seems pretty dang mean. Even if you think it, what good does that do by voicing that to your brother? All you're doing is creating unnecessary tension and bad self-esteem. Seems pretty mean to me.....

Why is Melissa rubbing Joe's nipple to calm him down?

I am VERY interested to see what happens next week. Looks like this may finally be the blow up between Jacqueline and Teresa. And the fact that freaky little Gia is at the heart of it just irritates me.