Monday, May 21, 2012

Jersey Post!

Well today was a crazy busy day. I had a doctors appointment AND we had three showings. The doctors appointment was pretty good, if somewhat uneventful. Got to hear baby's heartbeat: 147. I did make the mistake of wearing a maxi dress to work today, which meant I wore it to my appointment. Nothing's quite as awkward when you get to the doctor and they need to listen for the heartbeat, so rather than just lifting your shirt up a bit, you have to start at your ankles, pulling your whole dress up like some sort of Mennonite strip tease. Then, because I was sitting and couldn't gracefully just stand up to lift the dress, I had to keep lifting up one side of my butt and then the other to inch the dress up, leaning back to try to stuff it all underneath me, which basically meant I was going crotch-first at the nurse. Good thing it was my last appointment, because that was awkward.

As far as the house showings, we haven't had any feedback yet, but we're hoping somebody really loved it. Hopefully we will get more showings tomorrow and we'll get somebody who wants to buy the house. Okay, now on to more important matters: Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Sunday's episode fell a little bit flat for me. Although you wouldn't know it to look at my notes, of which I took 10 pages. At the core of the episode was the Gia blowup which was just SO RIDICULOUS and more of the same Teresa vs Joe drama that keeps getting played out. Sprinkle in lots of comments about Lauren's weight and I was pretty much irritated for the whole episode.

Immediately in the episode we see a very grouchy Joe fighting in the car with Teresa about the argument she had with her brother the previous episode. (So much for not running back and telling your husband everything, right Tre?)  Teresa blames Joe's attitude (and foul mouth) on his astrological symbol. Come on. I know some people believe in that crap, but I am not one of them. I don't think your husband is a "fiery Gemini". I just think an idiot jerk with roid rage who seriously needs anger management. While talking about the Gorgas, Joe says "those people are jealous, no-good idiots. I really don't wanna f-ing see them around". Now, I'd never say Joe and Melissa are smart, but jealous no-good idiots? That doesn't really fit. I think he just couldn't come up with any other negative descriptions. After all, he'd already thrown around the "retard" word. Which, by the way, how many times does he have to get scolded by Andy Cohen about his language before he decides to stop offending people?

Suddenly Joe cuts Teresa off, saying he doesn't want to hear it anymore. "When I say something, you f-ing listen and shut up".
 Oh honey no. I'm no feminist, but if my husband EVER spoke to me like that, he'd be sterile for the rest of his life. Someone needs to sit Teresa down and explain to her that Joe is a really crappy husband. He doesn't seem to respect her or her family, and I can't imagine that's a very fulfilling relationship.
Teresa, excusing the crappy way her husband treats her, says "Joe and I--knock on wood--we never fight!". But when she says knock on wood, she knocks on her head.
Huh? I don't want to get too technical, but under that thick hair is skin. Under that is blood vessels. Under that is your skull, and inside that (hopefully) there is lots of brain matter. There really shouldn't be any wood in there.

When the producers sent Rich and Joe Gorga for a weird bro workout at some budget gym, Rich says "I wanna ask you something..." then proceeds to mention Melissa and Joe's relationship with Melissa's sisters and asks if that makes him depressed to compare it to his own sister. Come on, dude. Stop being such a freaking instigator. He always brings crap up, but when things get crazy he's like "I don't know why you waste your time. I don't know why you bother with her". Because you get in people's ear and and get them all fired up!

Oh boy- time to catch up on how Lauren's diet is going. Ugh. Caroline: "All my life I've been tiny, but I can relate to Lauren".

THANK YOU CHRIS FOR FINALLY ACKNOWLEDGING YOU'VE GAINED WEIGHT. Now will someone else please admit that so we can all move on from acting like Lauren is the fat black sheep of the family?

When Lauren is golfing with her dad and they are OF COURSE discussing her weight, he says "Would you be more attractive if you were thinner?...I guess". HOLY FREAKING CRAP. Cut to Caroline saying "this world is cruel". HOW ABOUT GIVING YOUR VERY PRETTY DAUGHTER SOME CONFIDENCE IN HER APPEARANCE. Geez Louise you guys, I want to sit all the Manzos down and scream in all their faces about how they talk about Lauren. They are essentially saying that the way she looks now is inadequate. How can you treat your child that way??? Of course she won't have good self-esteem!

You might not realize it, but at this point we're only 7 minutes in and I've gone through 4 pages of notes...

Honestly you guys, I think I need to start fast forwarding through the scenes with Lauren. It's way too frustrating and I cannot handle the food/body issues she has, though I TOTALLY get why she has them. At one point she says "I'd like to look like a lollipop". When you are so skinny that your head appears larger because it's disproportionate to your skinny body, that's a telltale sign of anorexia. NOT a good thing to aspire to.

Oh geez. Now we get to see Joe Guidice working out without his shirt. So nasty. And why do his nipples poke downward like that?? Given the choice of Joe workout footage, I'd watch him in his weird leg crank rather than anything shirtless 10 times out of 10.

Later we see Lauren and Jacqueline shopping for athletic gear during which Lauren brings up another insecurity-her boobs. She says she wants a reduction but that her mom won't let her get one. So apparently the only part of her that's allowed to be big is her boobs??? Gross, Caroline. That is ridiculous.

This bra/period discussion between Joe, Gia and Teresa is weird. Hey, I love period talks more than probably anyone in the world, but when Joe says "I think Milania (the five year old?) has bigger boobs than you!" to his 10 year old daughter, that's weird to me. If the dad is involved in the whole puberty thing, whatever, that's fine. But to actively comment on you daughters changing body to her is really skeevy and creepy to me.

This bra shopping excursion is so awkward. I know she's a kid, but Gia grosses me out. She's probably a lovely child, but she's kind of a troll. And at 10 years old, she does not need a bra with an underwire.

Field Day starts at Jacqueline's house, and I really wish I could've been there. Naturally as soon as the Manzos show up, the conversation revolves around Lauren's weight. Albie says "Lauren has a bit of an attitude. I'm thinking it's the lack of carbs". I'll only say this one time. Lauren is lashing out because she has to constantly defend herself from her FAMILY who make fun of, and essentially worsen, her insecurities.

Did CJ get packed in Ashley's suitcase when she went to Vegas? We haven't seen him since Ashley left, but we see the baby all the time. I want to see sweet little CJ.

Everyone at field day seems concerned with Melissa's short shorts. Admittedly, they are much too short, which clearly was the purpose, but Teresa's response is the creepiest to me. The disgust on her face only slightly covers the jealousy as she checks out Melissa's butt. I can honestly say I have never checked out a single one of my sister in laws' butts.

This field day looks like so much fun. Mostly because I want to hang out with Jacqueline all day while she's drunk and giggly.

YAY! CJ sighting at the dunk tank! He's still around!

I know they're trying to play off how competitive Gia is, but that's super annoying. If people at school don't already hate her for it, they will soon enough. And, oh man, when she's in high school and she's competitive about cars, boys and her looks-she is going to be a NIGHTMARE. Teresa excuses Gia's anger at the "cheating" of the tug of war by saying "she's a kid--they're taught in school 'don't cheat'". Okay, well they're also taught proper grammar and she doesn't seem so tied to that philosophy.

Gia is a complete psycho, let's be honest. Seriously, again, I get that she's a kid, but her breakdown after field day is crazy. She's too old to pout like that. Also, she needs to be taught some serious manners. If some kid came to my house for an event that I planned and put work into and she complained that she didn't want to be there and it wasn't fun, I would tell her she's an ungrateful brat and ask her to leave. Which is why I'll be a great mom.....but seriously, that kind of attitude and disrespect is inexcusable.

I LOVE JACQUELINE READING THIS POOR SPORTS BOOK TO GIA. Incredible. It's rude, sure, but it's honest and the girl needs some discipline, obviously. If I were Jacqueline, I'd read it to Gia, then put a bow on it and give it to Teresa with a note that says "you may want to read this with her a coupe nights a week".

Jacqueline handled that whole thing with much more grace than I would have. I would've been like "I'm not apologizing--you're daughter's being a spoiled brat! She should apologize to me for acting like this in my house!".

So I guess that's about it. What did we learn from this episode? Not much except that Gia is already a manipulative, whiny brat who will only grate on my nerves as the season progresses.

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