Jersey Fashion Show

Part 1 of 2 for the Jersey finale was all about the set up for the big explosion between Melissa and Teresa.  Next week is going to be the real doozy, but this week was not bad.

Okay there's the set up for the "apology" phone call to Melissa about Kim D. gossiping about the Gorgas, which really was just a way for her to invite her to the Posche fashion show.  I mean, we all know drama is coming, but it's a decent enough set up by the producers.

Joe and Teresa trying to teach their kids Italian....oh boy.  First of all, since Joe can never do the same thing for more than five minutes, I don't think this is going to be the most successful attempt to try to make their kids bilingual.  It takes a long time and a lot of practice to learn another language, so...pretty sure these kids have no chance.  This seems like the worst way to try to teach kids another language.  Just saying sentences to them in Italian doesn't really teach them anything.  Might want to start smaller, Tre.  Like simple words or common phrases that they can pick up quickly.  Also, trying to teach a 9 year old and a 1 year old at the same time doesn't really seem that smart.  They probably have different brain capacities and attention spans.  But what do I know, I'm not professor.  Also, I'm not sure why she's decided to set up her living room as a classroom and make the girls all have notepads.  Clearly this is just for the cameras, but still.  It annoys me.  Can somebody just get these kids Rosetta Stone and be done with all this?  I'd like to remind everyone that I dislike Gia.  Oh good, Gia's the teacher now.  Makes sense since she's fluent and all.  UGH.

Eww, I always forget how gross Kim D is.  She's really got an unfortunate face.  I love the flashbacks to Posche fashion show when everyone attacked Danielle.  Those were the good ole days, you know.  When Teresa tells Kim that Caroline said she didn't want to be friends with Teresa anymore, it's like you can see the bulb going off over her head.  "Ohhh drama....let's hear it so I can get involved even though I have nothing to do with the situation."  She's such an instigator.  And again, she's pretty repulsive.  Her mouth looks like it got crushed under some sort of dungeon steel door.  Lips shouldn't protrude like six inches when your mouth is closed.

Oh my gosh, I feel so bad for Albie's girlfriend when they host brunch.  I think I would cry if I was her when Caroline says they can smell the food all the way down the hall and asks "wanna open a window?".  I'd be convinced that my food smells, I smell, my apartment smells and I'm the worst person that ever lived.  Passive aggressive comments really get to my soul.  Also, I know we've seen it before, but I'd like someone to explain to me why the Manzo boys have a picture of Kathy glued to a suit of armor in their apartment.

Poor Lauren.  Caface is probably the worst name I've ever heard for a salon.  Not to mention I can't read it or hear it without thinking it's "cat-face". 

 And that's about the last thing people would want out of a salon.  Also, I'd love to hear what happened with Lauren's booth at Chateau.  She brushes it off like "things didn't work out at Chateau.  After my grand opening, I kinda just walked away."  HUH?  That's pretty quick to give up on something.  Saying that something "didn't work out" implies you invested time and effort into it.  Not like, I had a bad night and I'm not going back there.

Why on earth would Kathy even take Richie to the business meeting?  Ugh, he's the worst.  OF COURSE he's going to take it over and humiliate her.  That's what he does!

 Hang on, sorry, I was just barfing after Rich's "my favorite dessert is Kathy" comment.  I won't even acknowledge what he says after that because it's really and truly one of the most repulsive things I've ever heard.

Oh man, another awkward business meeting--the Gorgas discussing Melissa's music career.  I really can't anymore with Melissa as a singer.  It's too much and it's terrible.

 

Quick sidenote:  You may have noticed that I've recently become obsessed with gifs of Britney Spears on X Factor.  It's true.  I love every second of the 2 episodes I've seen of X Factor, PURELY because Britney is incredible on it.  She might give the best reactions of all time, both facially and verbally.  I can't recommend the show enough to anyone who already has a soft spot for Britney and how dumb and/or brilliant she is.  Also, the show is incredible for moments like this.

 

 Seriously gives me goosebumps.  So yeah, I plan on using LOTS of Britney gifs from here on out, because, how could I not?

Okay, back to Jersey:  We see Caroline and Jacqueline going to Posche for some shopping.  Let's all get real here for a minute.  Anyone still shopping at Posche is either an ignorant enabler or they just enjoy seeing the progression of "Faces of Meth" firsthand.

Does Danielle still shop at Posche now that she's been kicked off the show?  Wouldn't that be amazing if she walked in while Caroline and Jacqueline shopped?  WHAT IF SHE CAME TO THE FASHION SHOW?!?!  Seriously, though, why has Danielle fallen off the face of the planet ever since she got kicked off the show.  She used to be friends with Kim and shop at that store all the time, right?  So why wouldn't she be at the fashion show?  It's all just a little fishy to me...

Oh my gosh, you guys.  Jacqueline trying on this sparkly dress with her jeans at her ankles is amazing and adorable and she's the absolute best.

Teresa's gladiator boots at his playdate are very strange.  I mean, I guess if there's ever an occasion to wear gladiator boots, it's with a tube top and hot pink booty shorts while playing outside with your kids.

Oh boy, FaceTime with Ashley.  Many she is NOT looking good.  Jacqueline can say she's doing PR work all she wants, but I can tell by that face of hers that she's either a stripper or escort.  Maybe both.  This is the most awkward video chat ever.

Ew, this guy at the salon saying he knows Melissa is super skeevy.

 

 Even if that's true that Melissa stripped at his club, why in the world would you ever bring that up???  And you can tell Kim is LOVING this.  Totally orchestrated, too.  She definitely set this whole thing up and is loving watching it unfold.  When Teresa politely tries to cut them off, saying she doesn't want to talk about family, Kim's face is disturbing.  Through a huge, evil Cheshire Cat grin, she says "oops" and shrugs her shoulders, but she's obviously enjoying herself.  Eww.  She's a really disgusting person.  I actually kinda feel bad for Teresa because she does seem genuinely uncomfortable with Kim and the perv trying to gossip and badmouth Melissa and she tries to shut them down pretty quickly.  When he walks off, Teresa is obviously shaken by the whole thing and repeatedly says that she really just doesn't want to talk about it because it's family and they're in a good place.  Which, good for her, because I do think that's the right thing to do.

The perv comes back into the room to apologize to Teresa for his comments (and to put some ice cubes in their champagne?) and I cannot believe the balls Kim's got to ask follow up questions to this guy.  How is Teresa friends with her?!  How is THAT not a betrayal worth freaking out about, like she did when Jacqueline asked about the magazine.  Honestly, this makes me more angry than it probably should, but the whole thing seems really hypocritical to me.  She repeatedly said to Kim that she doesn't want to talk to this guy, doesn't want to hear anything bad about Melissa and really doesn't want anyone else talking about her family.  She's obviously upset about the whole thing, and rightfully so.  That's a NORMAL reaction to have when someone brings up something to embarrass someone in your family.  So why is it that when Kim starts asking the guy questions about Melissa stripping, saying she just "has to know" Teresa just rolls her eyes and then leaves the room so she doesn't hear it.  Why wouldn't she freak out and yell at Kim for betraying her and get upset?  Why would she just leave the room and continue to talk about Melissa?  Being passive and allowing them to gossip about your family is just as bad, so no matter how many times you say you don't want people to talk about them, you're allowing it to happen if you just walk away.  It just seems like she's giving Kim a pass to be pretty despicable, even though she's already said numerous times she doesn't want people talking about Melissa.  And this guy, despite Teresa telling him not to talk about it, ANSWERS Kim's questions!!!  These people are terrible.  Seriously awful.  Kim is just so slimy.  To use getting ready for the fashion show at this salon to bring together Teresa and this creep just so his and Melissa's history comes out?  Gross.  It's also really crappy of Teresa to let that slide but to hold a grudge against Jacqueline for MUCH MUCH less. 

This fashion show looks like it's going to be a whole new level of tacky.  It's actually pretty hilarious that Melissa keeps describing it as chic.  Ummmm that's not how I would describe the venue. 

Ewwwwww the sleazy guy is approaching Melissa.  So crappy.  And the look on his face when he looks down at a very nervous Teresa is like...seriously, this guy might be a serial killer.

Of course Bravo split this into two episodes, so all the drama is in next week's finale.  It should be good, though, and I'm anxious to see how Teresa spins this onto other people.  Not that I think it's her fault that the guy approaches Melissa, but she could've warned her, you know?  Or at the very least, when he came up to the table, Teresa could've asked him to leave, knowing he wanted to bring up the past again.  I don't know, but it will be interesting to see how she blames everyone else for it and tries to make herself be the victim.