Sunday, September 23, 2012

Emmy Red Carpet

So since Dana is busy with her Bible study and we can't text or talk during the red carpet, here's basically everything I have to say to you, Dana.  This would be so much easier over the phone...

Oh man, I forgot how much I dislike Ryan Seacrest.  Good thing I'm not live, so I'll be fast-forwarding.

DAAAAAAAANG you guys, Homeland in the house!!!  Naturally Morena Baccarin looks insanely beautiful.  Inigo Montoya not so much, but I still love him.

HOLY SMOKES GUILIANA LOOKS SKINNIER THAN NORMAL.  Yikes, I'm genuinely concerned for her health.  I love her dress, but she's not the lady to wear it.  The detail on the neck just makes her look even more severe and sharp.

 Kat Dennings--I'm just going to roll my eyes.  I love the dress but it's obviously not for someone with DDs.

UGH these interviews.  Why are famous people not capable of answering questions and...I don't know.  Talking?

I don't know how to spell her real name, so we'll just call her Blossum.  Blossum's dress isn't great, you guys.  It's a bit mature, right?

I LOVE Anna Chlumsky's dress.  She looks incredible.  I'm also super jealous that she gets to work with Julia Louis Dreyfus.  She's the greatest, and Jacob would leave me for her in a heartbeat.  And I totally get it.


Is it weird that I like Ariel Winter's dress?  I'm just such a sucker for prints.  (no comment from you, Dana)

Leslie Mann, I want to steal your hair. 

Holy smokes, Padma looks amazing.  Think she'll donate that dress to me?  She's a terrible interview but a really beautiful lady.

Heidi Klum looks amazing.  Her earrings are bit Barbie, but she looks super gorgeous.

I wish I could be Aziz Ansari's date.  He'd probably be embarrassing, but he'd be super fun.


Oh hey, Sarah Paulson.  I'll take that dress, thanks.

  Sarah Hyland, I'm not crazy about that dress.  SURPRISE SURPRISE it's Marchesa.  Also, her jewelery looks like dress up jewelry a little girl would wear.

Tina Fey looks amazing.  I've missed 30 Rock so much.

Everything about Connie Britton is awful.  She's taking this new role on Nashville waaaay too seriously.  In all fairness to Guiliana, even though I find her very annoying, she's able to keep a straight face when she tells all these people that they look beautiful.  I think the very best I could do if I were interviewing Connie Britton would be to say "ohhh hey girl.  Look how sparkly you are!"  That's probably the nicest thing I could say.

Hayden Panetierre, you've got illusion netting, bedazzles and some sort of colored tulle.  Lemme guess. Your dress is Marchesa.  NAILED IT.

AARON PAUL BROUGHT A DATE TO THE EMMYS?!?!  What a stupid skank.  I hope they're just related because he's a dream.

Does the slit in Heidi Klum's dress go to her armpit?!  She could totally wear that to her next OBGYN visit.

During Guiliana's interview with Aziz, they cut to Ariel Winter on the red carpet, posing.  Next to her on the red carpet, posing for the photographers is...Guiliana?!  It's like I've fallen into a wormhole.

Don't get me wrong, Sofia Vergara is INSANELY beautiful, but every time she wears a gown I feel like she's worn it before. 

Gretchen Mol's shoes are probably worst things I've ever seen.

Let's all take a moment of silence for Amy Poehler and Will Arnett's marriage.  That one was a dagger.  I really thought they were the greatest couple in the world.  In spite of all that, Amy looks amazing.

Oh man, I would be losing my mind for Elizabeth Moss's dress if it weren't a mullet dress.

January Jones, that hair and makeup are INSANE.  I'm torn on the dress, but that makeup is really terrible.  Truly.

Oh boy, Julianne Hough, that's too bad.  I love that Ryan is scolding her for her hair.  You know he's embarrassed by her hair and outfit.

Ohhhhhh I really love Julianna Marguiles's dress.  Okay, it does look a bit like upholstery fabric, but I really love it.

Nicole Kidman's dress is completely perfect.  Unfortunately her face was packed in dry ice on the way over.  She may have gotten new fillers in her top lip because it looks very uncomfortable for her to talk.

Claire Danes, I am SO disappointed in you.  I love what she wears 99% of the time and I'm NOT okay with this blousy banana dress.  So unflattering!  And I bet she's the cutest little pregnant lady ever.

Is Lucy Liu from the future?  That dress looks crazy hot and heavy.

ELAINE BENES IN THE HOUSE!!  She looks amazing.  And she FINALLY looks likes gotten like, a wrinkle.  Good thing Jacob's at Bible study because he'd be drooling all over her.

Oh geez, Ryan's about to interview Nicole Kidman.  Honestly, I can't even watch because her fresh batch of Botox is weirding me out so bad.  Man, I love her dress, but I wish we didn't have to see her face.

I am loving Kerry Washington's dress.   I'll take four, please.

Uh oh, Julie Bowen is really maintaining right now.  That hair is wild.  It looks very dry and like she might need to deep condition later.  I'm torn on the dress.  I can't tell if I love or hate that color on her.

Oh Kristen Wiig, no.  That dress looks like an old dirty hanky.  And she's so pretty!  Why does she insist on wearing such drab stuff?

Okay the red carpet is over.  Time to watch the real show.  But first, time to walk the dogs....

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