Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Period Woes

Well well well.  Once again, my period has me in quite the pickle.  Last month, knowing I would be in Houston for awhile after Christmas, I made an appointment to see my gynecologist while in town.  I'm about 4 months past due on my yearly exam, so I really wanted to get that done while I was here.  Not to mention there are only 2 OB-GYNs in Dickinson, and one is the doctor I have been writing that book for, so I'm not necessarily anxious to let him examine my uterus.  I'm sure he's a great guy and a wonderful doctor, but that's just a bit too familiar for me.  ANYWAYS, as some of you may remember (probably no one, although my brother did) I got my period at the beginning of the month.  More specifically, I got my period right around mile nine of the half marathon.  Soooooo...I was pretty sure I was done with my period for December (I'm an idiot), so I didn't think about it again.  Well, yesterday I was greeted with some horrible cramps, and said to Jacob "oh geez.  I think I'm getting my period."  Five minutes later, I had confirmation of that fact, and now I'm in a bit of a pickle.  My gyno appointment is for Thursday (the 29th), and I can't really go in the situation I'm currently in.  Most likely, the period will be over by then--my uterus never really gets the chance to build up much of a lining since I get my period like twice a month.  Unfortunately, I would imagine that the doctor's office has some sort of cancellation policy if I don't call within 24 hours or something.  So I need to be able to decide by tomorrow morning if I'll be done and ready to see my doctor, or if I have to cancel the appointment, suck it up, and go see someone in Dick-town.  UGH.  So annoying.  Seriously, what is the matter with my body?!  It's like every week, off go those little mischievous cells that live in my uterine wall, sledding through my body like some sort of game.  THIS ISN'T FUN FOR ME.  What I need is for Ms. Frizzle to shrink down that Magic School Bus of hers and let me know what's going on in there.  Just as long as she doesn't take that lizard of hers.  I do NOT trust that thing.

I don't want some spiny bearded dragon bouncing around in there. That probably won't help the situation.

I just don't know what to do about the whole thing.  I don't want to cancel my appointment, but I also don't want to risk getting down to the doctor's office and being all, "oh, my bad guy.  Still bleedin!"  Or maybe my gynecologist will be fascinated by my cycle, find that tampon that got lost inside me in high school, hear my other tampon stories (PG-13 easily), and I'll end up with my own show on TLC.  I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I want the show to be called "Period Perseverance" or "Hayley's Hormonal Hijinks" and I want everything Kate Gosselin got from her show.  A customized van, free trips to Disneyland, a bodyguard, and a flock of seagulls haircut.  And 8 children.  But only if they totally resent me.

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