RHoNJ Episode 2 Recap

So tonight's episode of RHoNJ was hilarious to me.  There were several moments that made me laugh out loud and some of the people on the show I love more than I ever did before.  Here are some highlights of the show:

Jacqueline talking about how she and Chris have decided to send Ashley to live with Jacqueline's brother and sister in law.  I'm confused how her brother will have more authority and power over her, but maybe he's a army colonel and they just haven't explained that.  Jacqueline is discussing her reasoning for wanting to send Ashley to live with her aunt and uncle and she says "Ashley's been going out everyday--partying, self-destructing."  I can see why the best possible situation is to send her to live in Las Vegas.  I can't imagine that a troubled 20 year old could be tempted there.

 If only she had some family in Salt Lake City or Bismarck, ND she could send her to live with.  Can't do much in those places.  What I am super confused about is the whole "sending her to live with her uncle thing".  Jacqueline and her husband say they're basically making her move out to Vegas, but Ashley only packed one bag and she hardly even said bye to anyone and they were describing it as "going on a trip."  CAN WE GET A LITTLE MORE CLARIFICATION ON THIS, PLEASE?

Normally I love Caroline and I'll totally back her on basically anything she does, but I'm totally uncomfortable with how she talks about Lauren's weight.  She walks into the nutritionist saying "Lauren has a problem with her weight" then describes the superficiality of the makeup industry.  It's not like you're really inspiring a lot of confidence from her.  I actually think Lauren is a really pretty girl.  Yeah, she's a little bigger, but that doesn't mean that it needs to be pointed out to her.  Geez, go easy on the girl.  The nutritionist gave her a diet which looks a little sketchy to me--egg whites and some berries and some chocolate powder?  That doesn't seem like it would take care of all the vitamins and nutrients she needs, right?  When Lauren was talking her diet, I wanted to cry for her "I think the diet will work because it's the closest thing to anorexia.  As long as I can live I guess I'll be fine..."  HOLY CRAP, YOU GUYS.  THAT'S AN EATING DISORDER.  It just makes me sad for her, honestly.  And I think that's pretty irresponsible for Caroline as a mother to condone that sort of behavior.  Take her to a REAL nutritionist who will teach her about portion control and changing the proportions of the meat and veggies and carbs and whatnot and hire her a personal trainer.  YOU CAN AFFORD IT.  Her issues with food are NOT healthy and it really irritates me.

I loved listening to Teresa and Joe's conversation about how they're selling the pizza place that they've owned for, what, like 3 weeks?  Him saying it wasn't working because he doesn't have a driver's license is a bit suspect.  Something tells me there's more to that story.  That, or he's just too lazy to run a restaurant, which is more likely because running a restaurant is no joke.  When he points across the street to the gas station they're trying to buy to tear down to build a nursing home, I just rolled my eyes.  You don't need a car for construction, or what?  This dude is so stupid.  When Teresa asks if the gas station knows they're about to get kicked out and he says no, he's like "It's a gas station, it's not a big deal."  That's pretty arrogant for a man that can't hold a job for me than a month.

I LOVED the plug for Rich's Exxon station that he owns.  I loved how they tried to play it off like they were showing his gas station because Rich was teaching his son a lesson.  What's the lesson there?  Yeah, you're sophomore class President, but you're not maximizing your potential unless you're managing gas stations?  Lofty goals, young man.  No, the producers were just foaming at the mouth at the potential to juxtapose Joe Guidice's run down crap gas station he was trying to buy with Rich's "fancy" well maintained station.  It was pretty obvious, but I still enjoyed it.

When Albie was driving Ashley to the airport, I was taken aback by his description of her.  "Ashley thinks she's Ke$ha.  She has Ke$ha music going in her head.  She thinks a limo's gonna pull up and there's gonna be shopping bags and champagne and flashing lights and that's it.  That's how life should be."  Does Albie know who Ke$ha is? 

She's like the grungiest/least glamorous person on the planet.  Was he accidentally thinking of the Macaulay Culkin movie Richie Rich?  Because that's a much more accurate analogy.

Chris's reaction to Ashley missing her flight to Vegas was so awesome "sending her to the counter is like sending Santino [his dog] to the counter".  Also, PLEASE tell me Jacqueline named her dog Santino after Project Runway Santino Rice.  They have the same scraggly hair...I don't think we can rule that possibility out.

Seeing everyone's reaction to Ashley missing her flight was so awesome.  Or maybe they were just SO DISTRACTED BY HER FACE.  I know I was.  I couldn't get past it.  I thought I couldn't dislike that girl anymore, but those giant lips and gross tan have made it worse.

Here's something that really stumped me when Ashley came in from missing her flight.  How did she get her checked bag back?  That's not how airports work.  They don't find your bag and bring it back to you if you miss the plane.  Did she forget to check her bag?  How did she make it through security?  Maybe she never even checked in and was just walking up and down outside of the terminals.  I wouldn't be shocked if she tried to carry on a bomb.  The girl is stupid. 

Teresa's description of her cookbook "it's a book you can't put down once you start reading it, that's what everyone says to me"  IT'S A COOKBOOK!  People aren't reading it for the cliffhangers--but what's she going to do with the oregano?!?!?!

I want to know why Joe Guidice is constantly challenging other men on their height.  I mean no disrespect when I say, I think he could legally be considered a little person.  Who does he think he's taller than?

I had to fast forward through Melissa singing you guys.  I just can't do that to myself.

I loved when Albie, Chris and Chris went over and had dinner with Joe Guidice.  I love those guys.  When Chris said "Milania's a terrorist" I nearly through-the-nosed my milkshake.  [Jacob made me a milkshake and it was DELICIOUS.  He's the best].  Chris's commentary through the dinner was just so funny.  I want to hear him talk about drunk Joe forever.  His reenactment of Joe claiming to have the second best brain to God in the world was hilarious.  Like Joe conceded, okay, God's got the best brain on earth.  Then me.  Then Chris said he misses the days where Joe used to get drunk and pass out and they'd throw ham at him.  Can we be friends, Chris?  Because I think you're great.

Teresa's book signing made me so uncomfortable, but I was super entertained by the really awkward girl from Oklahoma asking about Joe's legal troubles, and asking if the rumors were true and responding with "I love you regardless!"  You could tell Teresa was like

I was super confused/concerned about how they ended the episode with that video montage of Ashley as a little girl and Jacqueline crying over Ashley's baby pictures as the plane was taking off.  It made me super uncomfortable like...so...does Ashley die?? Have all these jokes about her flying anxiety and plane crashes just been foreshadowing???  I'm pretty sure she doesn't die, but that was a weird way to end the episode, right?

Next week's episode looks legit.  Looks like we get our first big showdown between Teresa and the others.  I love this show.