Tuesday, July 3, 2012

RHoNJ, Episode...Something

Okay so I am STILL behind on Jersey, but yesterday Bravo ran two episodes back-to-back, which I was SO EXCITED about.  About 45 minutes into the first of the two episodes, Jacob called me while driving to New Mexico, so I didn't get to hear everything and I missed the entire second episode.  It's a bummer, but I have 3 pages of notes, so let's see what we can do, eh?

So here's where I'm at: I missed the episode with Rosie coming out and I missed the episode where Jamie gets married.  I also missed the episode where Jacqueline and Teresa get in the huge fight outside on someone's balcony.  (By the way, these could all be the same episode for all I know).  So THIS episode I'll be recapping is the one AFTER that; the episode after the balcony showdown between Caroline, Jacqueline and Teresa, and the episode with Melissa's song release party.  Okay, ready to go?

I missed the first couple minutes of the episode (including the lead in for what had happened the previous week) because Jacob called me to tell me he had landed.  I was able to start watching a few minutes in, and the first thing I see is Jacqueline crying about the night before and her fight with Teresa.  Let me just say that seeing Jacqueline cry is like watching someone hurt a kitten.  I HATE IT.  It's awful and it makes me despise the person hurting her.  How can you be mean to Jacqueline?!  On the flipside, we see Teresa talking (and maybe crying?) to her husband, Joe, upset about what happened.  I don't pity her because she married the guy and she should know by now he's a jerk and she's pretty bad herself, BUT, if I were trying to tell my husband about a huge blowup I'd had with my best friend the previous night and his response was "Well whatever, who cares?" I'd be a little frustrated.  Obviously the guy just doesn't accept when bad things happen to him.  Bankruptcy? Ehh, it's my business.  My friend's hate me?  Ehhh whatever, friends come and go.  My family wants nothing to do with me?  Whatever, move on.  It'd be pretty impressive if it weren't so troubling.  At some point, someone has to be upset when bad things happen to them, right?  Not so with Joe Guidice.  So anyways, Teresa is complaining about Jacqueline and the whole fight (which again, I haven't seen), and she's saying that Jacqueline is being fake by being upset that there was an article saying Teresa was going to jail.  I'm not sure what about her reaction is fake?  Her worry for her friend?  Her frustration at feeling totally left out of her friend's life when that friend is releasing information to the tabloids instead?  Maybe Teresa is just frustrated that Jacqueline doesn't have the same "whatever, find a new friend" mentality that her husband does, and she actually wants to address the negative aspects of people's lives.  When Teresa continues to vent to Joe, he freaks out, saying "I don't care! I heard enough already! I told you what to do--move on."  That is the strangest reaction in the world to me.  Honestly, if I got into a fight with Dana and was complaining about it to Jacob and he said that, I think I would slap him in the face.  DUDE.  Have some compassion and try not to be a selfish ape for ONE MINUTE.
So Teresa says "I'll never forget what she did to me."  What she did?  From what I gather, all she did was ask about your personal life and about the contradictions between what you're telling her and what you're selling the tabloids.  How is that a betrayal?  You aren't allowed to ask one of your best friends questions about their life????  Granted, I'm considering having t-shirts made that say "DO NOT ASK ME ABOUT MY HOUSE" because I get irritated when anyone brings it up, but I don't consider it a betrayal.  I just pity them for not knowing that they're about to get an earful of my venting.

 I just can't with Melissa's phone call with Ryan Seacrest.  I could make the obvious point about how dumb she is for getting her makeup done for a phone interview, but I won't go there.  I muted the whole scene and scratched Oscar's head until it was over.

 At one point, Teresa and Joe meet outside in some sort of strange gazebo/koi pond area to discuss the possibility of her going to therapy with her brother.  Joe says he's embarrassed for Teresa for considering therapy.  He then goes on to explain that he fully understands the limitations of therapy, as he was once sent to therapy by his school when he was a child.  He and Teresa say it was the school's mistake to send him and that it didn't work, but something tells me his version of the doctor's office is exaggerated, since it sounds like he's describing a mental institution rather than a psychiatrist's office.  Anyway, I'm pretty sure that Joe being sent to therapy was NOT a mistake on the school's part.  This guy needs serious counseling.  Like complete behavior modification.  Or a lobotomy.  Those are his only chances of becoming someone who ISN'T an idiot douche bag.  Teresa excuses the RIDICULOUS notion of therapy by saying "maybe it'll help my brother--maybe he has issues he needs to get past."  Ummmmm if you think you don't have any issues, I think you're beyond being helped.  She says "it goes against my family values to go to therapy."  OPEN, HONEST COMMUNICATION AND TRYING TO RESOLVE ISSUES SO YOU CAN HAVE HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS IS AGAINST YOUR FAMILY VALUES?!?!  I really do try to see things from her perspective and understand what she's saying, but I cannot figure out her stance on therapy.  I think she doesn't understand what it is, maybe?

On the way to Melissa's song launch and/or cd release party (which, by the way, come ON), Joe Gorga and Melissa are talking about the people that send her mean tweets.  Joe says "you have to be some LOSER to sit around on the internet and say a lot of negative things about people."  Actually I do a lot more than just sit around all day, Mr. Gorga.  Today I went to not one, but TWO, furniture stores.  So, you know, I wouldn't exactly call me a loser.

Can we just take a minute to talk about Melissa's music career?  I mute it every time they play her "music" because I learned that lesson the first time they didn't edit out her singing.  I'm not really sure how many times the Gorga's can throw a party or gather their friends around to debut Melissa's songs before people are like "hey, I brought my iPod, can we just throw that on?" Because I totally would.  I don't have anything against Melissa, necessarily, but her singing makes my brain feel like melting.

At the club/party, when Kathy sits down with Caroline and Jacqueline and they start telling her about the fight the night before with Teresa, I love the look on Kathy's face.  It's a total deer-in-the-headlights look, and you can tell she does NOT want to be in the middle of that fight.  You can tell she's just waiting for a pause in the conversation to be like "You guys, I saw the funniest movie the other night!"  Poor lady, she just doesn't want to ever be the bad guy and doesn't want to say anything mean.  It's actually a great quality, but it's not nearly as fun for tv.

When Teresa walks in and gives Kathy a kiss hello and doesn't even acknowledge Jacqueline, I really wanted to punch her in the face.  Even after the worst fight with my best friend, I can't imagine being that cold.  How can you just ignore someone like that when you've been close for so long??? I couldn't do it.

Teresa and her brother talking about therapy makes me VERY uncomfortable.  Multiple times, Joe says something like "I want to make this work" or "I want things to be like they used to be" and Teresa is like "Joe.  You know I want that.  You know I want you in my life."  The way she stresses it and looks at him freaks me out.  I know she's just socially awkward, but there is an implication in what she's saying that I don't even think the therapist wants to explore.
  In her interview, she again says "hopefully the therapist can show my brother he's doing something wrong."  Nothing like going into therapy with an open mind and being willing to accept some of the blame for the situation.  Well done, healthy adult.

Let me say that drunk Rosie is not nearly as great as normal Rosie.  Drunk Rosie is way too jovial.  And sweaty.  I prefer the angry/scowling Rosie.

I only caught the beginning of the confrontation between Jacqueline and Teresa, due to Jacob's phone call, but I did catch Jacqueline apologizing to Teresa for things getting too heated.  Teresa response is "Sorry?!  Jacqueline.  That's f-ed up!"  What's that now?  Her apology, or her asking you to clarify what you've been telling the tabloids?  Because both seem perfectly acceptable in my book.

Can we watch an entire episode where Chris and Albie narrate all of the conversations/arguments the women have?  Because that would be incredible.

At this point Jacob calls me, so I miss the rest (majority) of the fight between Jacqueline and Teresa and ALL of the fight between Melissa and Teresa.  I'll just go ahead and assume that Teresa was upset about something stupid and she wouldn't accept Jacqueline/Melissa being upset without thinking they were attacking her.  Also, I'll assume that she had no ability to see things from their perspective.  Close enough?  Or as a wise woman once said to me: "Teresa sucks as a friend and as a family member."

At the end of the episode, I see that Teresa has I guess made up with her family and every person that's even sort of related is kissing each other on the mouth.  Now...I get that they're Italian and all, but it's making me think that maybe the reason she looks like a troll is because the family has done a bit too much kissing.  Like, maybe the reason her hairline/body hair is the way it is is because some of her genes are doubled up...

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