Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Dance Moms- Episode 2

Okay so this is a little late....I'm hoping to get to last night's episode a bit quicker, but I can't make any promises.  

Lemme just say that this episode was a little annoying from a viewers perspective because it was so obviously manipulated by the producers.  It left a lot of questions and plot holes.  BUT, you know I love some Dance Moms and I'm just so happy to have it back in my life that I can't even stand it.

The episode begins with more of the same garbage about the team missing Kelly, Brooke & Paige.  We see the moms scheming in the parking lot, Christi saying "Kelly obviously left because she feels this isn't the place for her, so it's up to us to convince her she belongs with us."  Okay, that seems fair.  You miss your friend and you want to show her how much you all need each other.  I bet they can come up with a logical and rational way to express that.
 The moms proceed to take their scheming from the privacy of the parking lot into the small bathroom inside the dance studio.  I'm sure somewhere in there, there was a reason that they coudnlt' keep talking outside.  Like maybe it was too cold, or it started raining or maybe even that psycho, Leslie, drove up and the moms ran off before Leslie tried to scratch their faces off.  Most likely, the producers just thought it'd be more dramatic if all the moms stormed past Abby to go talk in the bathroom.  I'd like to believe that the real reason is that all the mid-day drinking got to Christi and she was crossing her legs and bouncing like a 4 year old before Holly was like "FINE.  Let's go inside so you can pee!"

I know I've said it before, but Abby's voice is so terrible.  Does she have sinus problems??  If there's an Ear, Nose & Throat doctor out there, I'd love your diagnosis.  Because my expert opinion is that she has a head full of snot. 

Once the moms come up with their foolproof plan, they leave the bathroom.  Holly says "the moms and I decided we're just gonna sit there, silent, and not go into pyramid and just have a stand off, trying to get Kelly back."  Oooooookay so...I don't get it.  I don't get how ignoring Abby brings Kelly back.  They said themselves that Kelly left because she wasn't happy, so I'm not sure what becoming a mute does for their cause.  It seems like Kelly is the one they should go after, right?  Besides, Abby's so terrible, she could mistake their silent frustration for any number of things.  Like, for example, they could be boycotting her for swearing in front of their kids in the previous week's competition.  That seems like a legitimate complaint.  I know these aren't the most logical women, I just don't get how staging a sit-in--when Abby has no clue why they're mad (and no control over Kelly's actions for that matter)--accomplishes anything.

Let me ask a question that clearly no one else is concerned about.  Where are the girls in all this???  The moms are banded together in the hallway, but we see Abby searching, frustrated, for the girls.  Where did they go and how are they in on the plot?  They weren't in the bathroom for the scheming, so I'm not sure they're abreast of the whole silent treatment scheme.

Now I'm really confused.  Abby and her staff can't figure out where everyone has gone.  Abby notices the moms talking in he parking lot again and gets mad.  BUT SOMEONE TELL US WHERE THE GIRLS ARE.  Abby implies that the girls are missing and haven't rehearsed.  We can see they aren't with their moms.  Where's the disconnect?  I honestly want to know what's happening with them.

Also, I don't really understand why the moms have to be present for rehearsal.  Can't the girls learn a new number without their moms watching from that skybox?  I've never taken a dancing class--I have a natural talent that would be too hard to be confined to a structured dance class--
 --so maybe that's a stupid question.  Either way, I'd really like someone to tell us where the girls are in all this.

Why does Abby call 911 on the moms in the parking lot?  SEEMS OVERDRAMATIC, right?!  Seems like you could just put a call in to the local police department rather than call 911 over a trespassing issue, right?  Also, couldn't the moms just say "we aren't trespassing.  Our daughters are inside at dance class."?  But who knows.  WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE THE GIRLS ARE!

I'm really distracted by how huge Abby's hair is in her interviews.  It's getting bigger and bigger.  I swear, she's got like 17 Bump-Its in there.

The cops have shown up and the moms are leaving, but there are NO KIDS IN THEIR CARS.  Seriously, I don't want to beat a dead horse here, but WHERE ARE THE KIDS???

Jill stopping in at Candy Apples Dance Studio is so contrived and annoying.  "I'm in the area, running some errands here and there..."  What errands are taking Jill out of Pittsburgh and into Canton, Ohio?  Girl, please.  The profile shot when Jill and Cathy are talking...yikes.  I honestly couldn't tell who was who.  That's NOT good, Jill.  Cathy to Jill as she's leaving: "that's an awfully little Louis Vuitton you've got there."
That's kinda mean, Cathy.  Not EVERYBODY'S husband can be super successful entrepreneurs who own a beef jerky store.

Meanwhile at ALDC, Abby's new girls show up for rehearsal.  Abby's basically foaming at the mouth at the prospect of a new team, most especially at the chance to show off Sophia.  My first impression of the new moms is that one seems to be trying much to hard to convey how little she cares about being on camera.  And the other mom looks like Mama June.

Since Cathy's studio seems to be falling apart, we're introduced to a new adversary for Abby.  Yvette and Hadley's heart to heart about how hurt Hadley is is pretty poorly scripted.  Neither of them can figure out how to speak or move naturally for the camera.  It's okay.  They're new.  They'll learn.  Also, I'm not sure how old Hadley is, but someone should stage a tanning intervention before it gets to be too late.

ROADKILL?!?!  She called the girl roadkill?!?!?!  That's terrible and hilarious.

I love that Abby's already driving the other moms crazy by drooling all over Sophia.  Abby lives for nepotism.

UH OH.  Bella's mom is NOT HAVING IT with the Sophia favoritism.  When Abby announces that Sophia's on her way and she's better than Maddie and she'll probably show everyone else up: "Oh that's don't have to make that kind of announcement to a bunch of kids who have been here working all day."  Sorry honey, but yeah. That's pretty much EXACTLY how Abby works.

Quick timeout--why did Abby go get all new girls to replace the old team?  If I were one of the dancers at her studio, I'd be so mad.  It's like Abby was just like "everyone here is total crap.  Lemme fly some people in from across the country."  That's a burn, other dancers.  I mean, I get that this whole plot was basically for the drama, but still.  There's no logic there.

Sophia's poor mom hasn't picked up on the fact that the other moms already hate her.

"That voice is killing me."  It's true, Sophia's voice is terrible, but that's pretty ironic coming from Abby.

These moms are already SO bitter that their daughters don't have solos.  Didn't take long for that tension to brew, huh?

I love Abby telling the girls they need to be awesome at the performance, saying people are going to be expecting to see her old team.  She points at each girl saying "they'll be looking for Chloe, Maddie, Nia and Paige."  Naturally she points to Kayleigh as she says "Nia."  I love it.  She's basically like, "yeah, you're my token black girl."

Sophia's wearing Kate Spade earrings, people.

This old group of girls performing at the mall is really pretty pathetic and sad.  Let's also include creepy in that description.

Back to Abby's new group at the competition, Gloria is trying to sneak in a solo for Kayleigh.  Has she never seen the show before?  Or maybe she's never talked to Abby??  Pretty much everything makes Abby mad, so you'd think she'd know sneaking around on her is not gonna end well.

Hadley's mom is crying while Sophia performs.....Why?  That seems weird, right?

This team has been together for like 3 days and we already know Marcia's a narc.  She totally ratted out Gloria about the solo thing.

 And Gloria is NEVER going to forgive Marcia for it.  Was it worth it Marcia?  To throw away that four day friendship???

Someone please explain to me why Bella is crying so much.  She's the new Mackenzie!

So I guess Abby's new group of superstars sucks, because Abby is MORTIFIED for coming in second to Yvette and Hadley's team.  Meh.  I thought Hadley's group was better.

I think it was really wise of the producers to only show the psycho superfans of the girls dancing in the mall, rather than focus on all the sexual predators that must've been in the crowd.  It's disgusting, but it's the truth.  Also disgusting--the fact that people were so excited, they were literally convulsing at the sight of these girls dancing.  I know I don't have a life.  But that's really awful.

Back to the new ALDC crew, the moms are blaming their second place finish on Ally.  Ally's mom, a well-adjusted lady who seems to actually care about her daughter, gets fed up and leaves.  Marcia says "Shelly cracked.  We saw the real Shelly.  And out the door she went.  See you later, Shelly."  I think Marcia is a liiiiiiittle Single White Female with Ally's mom, what's her name...Stacy?  Who even knows.

Holy cow, I just noticed the necklace Abby wore to the competition! 
 It's obviously supposed to look like some sort of royal diamond, but it's like six inches long!  I can't overstate this--it's the tackiest thing I've ever seen.  And that includes her stretchy starfish ring.

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