So now Olivia is almost three weeks old and things are still pretty blah, to be honest. Maybe it makes me a bad mom, but I'm certainly not one of those women who's like "she's amazing! I'm loving every sleepless minute!!". No. I'm not. I'm exhausted and crabby and irritable. Olivia's great and I love her and all, but if she could jump ahead to being like 6 months old, that would be amazing. I expected the first several weeks to be hard and emotional, but this is much more so than I expected. Unfortunately for both Jacob and I (and probably Olivia), she got my temperament, so she's fussy and pouty and cries A LOT. It's just really overwhelming. I know I'll look back one day and be like "awww I miss when she was just a little baby" but I don't feel like that now. Honestly, I'm miserable most of the time, which I blame on lack of sleep and feeling completely consumed by a crying baby. If I were ever taken captive as some sort of POW, all they'd need to do is put a screaming baby in the room with me and I'd be like "tell you what. Here's the intell I have-we'll start with undercover agents and work our way to ground operations, kay?"
So that's where I'm at now. I really do try to stay positive, but when it's late and I'm tired and she's crying and won't go down, there's just nothing I can do but be miserable. It's exhausting, really. And just a piece of advice to everyone out there. Whenever you're trying to make a new, completely overwhelmed mom feel better, don't tell her "it'll get better!". I'm not saying that with any one person in mind. But since Olivia was born, every single person I've spoken to has said that to me, and at this point, if I hear it again, my head will probably explode. I know it's true. It will get better. But that really doesn't help me at this moment. Anyways, I know a lot of this is terrible and really whiny and I should just be thankful for a healthy baby. And I am, honestly. But I'm also just emotional and tired and having a hard time saying anything positive. If that makes me a bad mom, so be it. Unfortunately it's just how things are for me right now. It's a lot harder than you'd think to be totally consumed by a baby. I'm constantly feeding her,