Jersey Reunion Part ONE

Okay, Andy's doing the intro and I'm already jazzed about this reunion.  It's just....IT'S GONNA BE SO GOOD.  I can feel it.  Okay I can't wait any longer.

I'm not really loving the caramel color in Melissa and Kathy's hair.  I loved their jet black hair!

"Kathy, great to have you.  And I should mention-new nose!"  WHOA, ANDY.  Just jumping right in there with the plastic surgery, huh?  I can't believe that's what he opened with!!!!  Hopefully that didn't both her...If that were me, I'd be like "ohhh, no, I'm just doing my makeup differently" and then at the first commercial break, I would attack Andy like some sort of predator bird.

 

 AND NOW HE'S ASKING KATHY IF SHE'S GOTTEN SOMETHING DONE TO HER LIPS!!  "Can I just...give you a yellow light here?"--Andy to Kathy about her plastic surgery.  OH MY GOSH.  If Andy Cohen weren't the gayest thing since Liza Minnelli on Broadway, he would NOT be getting away with any of this.

Teresa's green gown makes me feel like she's a mermaid.  Why did she go for a full length fancy dress for this thing?  It's not like it's her first reunion.

I have to say, Jacqueline looks really good tonight.  The last time she was at a reunion her lips were a SUPER filled and there was way too much Botox.  Thankfully she didn't take that route this time.

Okay we're 6 minutes in and Teresa's already claiming Jacqueline set up the whole catastrophe at the fashion show.  This is already amazing.  She's quite the conspiracy theorist.  I bet she thinks 9/11 didn't really happen.

 And if she knew we landed on the moon, she wouldn't believe that either.

Every time they cut to Teresa creepy fake smiling

 I feel like barfing a little bit.

Ugh... talking about Ashley.  I wanna fast forward, but I won't. 

Quick question--did Teresa get some more work done on her boobs?  Or is it just the super low neckline on her gown that's throwing me off.  It just seems like she's got globes tucked into her bra.

I don't know why this footage of Nicholas is making everyone (INCLUDING MYSELF) cry.  It's not like he died, but for some reason, its like super emotional.  Well those tears dried pretty quickly once Teresa says "that was Gabriella's boyfriend but they broke up."  Oh geez.  I guess she really does have to bring everything back to herself.  That's amazing.  I've never seen narcissism displayed so perfectly.

Just out of curiosity, when did Melissa become Latina?  I know she put those highlights in her hair, but something else about her is screaming Puerto Rican to me.

UGH.  It's annoying that they're doing a big reveal with Lauren's lap band surgery.  Also, I'm a little concerned about her nutrition because her hair does NOT look healthy.

This argument between Lauren and Teresa is pretty awesome.  The fact that Teresa calls Caroline fat and says she needs Botox and fillers is insane to me.  Even if you think that, why would you EVER say that on national tv?!

  Lauren's totally right to yell at her about that and say that the very things she's saying to Caroline are the reasons people kill themselves.  That's pretty low to go after someone's appearance, but obviously Teresa is totally fine with it.  Also, I love that they all called her out on not writing her own blog and she couldn't even think of something to defend herself.  Just patted Andy's hand and was like "move on."  That's awesome.  Although, quick question.  When Lauren keeps insisting that Teresa spell "napalm", knowing she won't be able to, but it was used on her blog, does SHE misspell it?  And does she spell it with a Q???  Is she being ironic or did she just totally botch that?  Either way I'm embarrassed.

One thing about Teresa that drives me crazy is her ability to deflect.  It's pretty impressive, actually.  Like when they're talking about all her magazines and stories she puts out there and Caroline accuses her of whoring out her 11 year old daughter.  Teresa's immediate response is anger and denial, asking questions like Caroline is making it up.  Then, when Caroline says the magazine she's talking about, Teresa instantly comes back with "ohhh you know everything about me!  You're obsessed with me!  YOU WANNA BE ME!!"  See what she did there, ladies and gents?  She knew she couldn't deny that "Gia" had put out a magazine article, so rather than defend that behavior, she accuses them of being obsessed with her and jealous of her.  So she never really has to answer for herself because she's always able to deflect and somehow make it about something else.  It's impressive, but also annoying because she never really has to defend or explain her behavior rationally.  Not that she'd be able to.

I really wish Kathy hadn't gotten that plastic surgery.  I think she looked so pretty before!  But really, nothing has convinced me more that Teresa is a terrible person than seeing how upset Kathy is with her.  Kathy's probably one of the nicest people to ever be a part of the Real Housewives franchise, and if she hates Teresa and Teresa is calling her a piece of crap, I KNOW Teresa is a psycho.

UH OH YOU GUYS.  ROSIE'S BACKSTAGE AND SHE'S PISSED.

 We should have all learned the lesson from Rosie O'Donnell, but seriously, you do NOT want to piss off a lesbian.  They do NOT mess around.  If I had Rosie screaming somewhere behind me about wanting to kill me, I would probably crap my pants.

Which I'm pretty sure is exactly what Teresa did.  I'm not sure what the backstory is with Kathy and Teresa's parents, but I don't think she should have called Teresa's mom a liar and her dad a coward.

 Even if they are, that's her aunt and uncle and that's pretty disrespectful.  Especially to say that and not explain why is kinda crappy.  Plus, obviously, it opened Teresa up to badmouth Kathy's parents, including her father who is no longer alive.  Obviously that's a sore subject, but Kathy opened that door.  She shouldn't be surprised that Teresa went right through it.

 Man, it's hard to believe this reunion is just getting started.  That's only hour 1 of 3.  See you next week, Jersey!  I CANNOT WAIT!!!