Sunday, June 24, 2012

Dear Dana

So since I'm back in Texas now and I'm pretty sure my family has decided they don't need the blog to know what's happening in my life, I'm pretty sure this blog has once again returned to it's original purpose: an outlet to communicate with Dana.  Let me start with the most important thing first, the question I know you're going to ask me: NO, I have not watched ANY Dance Moms or the the last several weeks worth of RHoNJ.  I am attributing a lot of my (going on 2 month-long) foul mood on the disruption to my television schedule.  I'm hoping I can get in an episode of Jersey here in a little bit, one of the reruns, but Jacob's probably going to be home from a friend's house soon, which means I'll be making dinner and he'll probably put something on the tv that "doesn't make his ears bleed".  So yeah, if you want to have a television discussion with me, don't bother.  Because at this point, I'm basically a Mennonite--the life of an Amish person with a dash of modern conveniences, minus the glitz.

The good news is that I'm FINALLY getting over whatever I got on the day of Michael and Kayla's wedding (June 2).  I was pretty legitimately miserably sick for two solid weeks, but now all I've got to show for it is a lingering cough.  For awhile there, though, I had a horrible hacking cough, a sore throat, a horrible head/chest cold, and no voice.  Not sure if you've ever seen Happy Endings (you should), but I sounded exactly like the Halloween episode where Alex is really sick and goes as Marilyn Monroe, but because she has no voice, this guy at the party thinks she's a tranny and is totally impressed with how feminine she is and hits on her the whole time thinking she's a guy.  It's awesome.
Also, I would accept Maeby telling Steve Holt that her mom is a dude as a suitable substitute for how I sounded and people reacted to me.
 In other news, every part of me is getting pretty huge these days.
 I'm afraid I've started the quest for the Holy Grail in trying to find a cute/comfortable pair of maternity shorts.  So far, I only have one pair, but they rub between my legs pretty bad and make me feel like a big heifer, so I don't like to wear them a lot.  Basically, I'm either always wearing a dress or just my Nike running shorts.  Today I had to stay home while Jacob went to Biff's apartment because I couldn't find anything to put on.  If this continues, I'll just have to suck it up and go to Dress Barn for some moo-moo's.  We've started our baby registry, which, as you can imagine, is very animal (especially owl)-centric.  Also, Jacob ordered our crib today, mostly because I couldn't make myself do it.  I have no idea why, I just could not commit to buying the crib.  I might be in denial.  But here it is:
So let's see...what else do I need to update you on.  You know the mess with our house.  Ugh.  I can't even tell you how irritated I am about our house in ND.  I know it's all going to work out, but the whole thing stresses me out so bad I can't even discuss it.  I like to pretend it's not real and like we don't have a house we're paying for up there.  That's healthy, right?  But in happier news, we close on our house on July 18th.  Hopefully everything will be sorted out by then with selling our house, because I can't handle the stress anymore.  It's making me not even want to think about my new house.
The apartment we're in right now is right across from Lakewood Church.  It's pretty nice, and I love that Jacob can just walk to work because his building is literally across the street.  The main thing I don't like is how pretentious the area is.  We're right in the River Oaks area, so everyone is super rich and pleased with themselves.  It makes me REALLY want to look as trashy as possible whenever I go anywhere just to irritated all the botoxed women.  Just now I took Oscar out to go to the bathroom, and there was a lady in the parking lot outside the door of our apartment who was WASHING HER MERCEDES WITH A BOTTLE OF FIJI WATER AND A WASHCLOTH.  Honestly, I've never heard of giving a car a sponge bath before, but I guess people do it.  And I'm not sure how she thought she'd make that Fiji water last for the whole car, she seemed pretty dumb.  I just walked out there and was like....What?

So that's the super vague update on my life.  I'd go into more detail, but I've been really moody lately, and I'd probably go all crazy negative talking about how everything is the worst.  I'll save that for the next phone call we have. 

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