Sugar Craving

So at this point in my pregnancy, I want more than anything to constantly gorge myself on sugar. The top things on my list right now are snow cones, milkshakes, and a cookie cake from American Cookie Co. A suitable substitute for the cookie cake would be a doozie chocolate chip cookie from the Cookie Company. Basically, I want diabetes. In high school, two of my friends worked at the cookie company in the Springfield mall and would regularly give Hunter and I the hookup for free icees or cookies. Looking back on it, that was probably the most beneficial and fulfilling relationship ever. Pretty sure Ashley and Kellie got nothing from us in exchange, but Hunter and I totally appreciated it. Tonight Jacob went out for awhile to hang out with a friend and I was POSITIVE he would come home with a chocolate shake for me because it's ALL I've been talking about recently. When he walked in the door sans shake, I'll be honest, I considered divorce. Not really.....maybe kinda....no. But yeah, now I'm in bed, salivating at the thought of a shake. If someone would deliver a chocolate shake from Whataburger along with a double doozie from the Cookie Company, I'd be your pal for life. Also, I've really been wanting a little pet kitten, so if you could find me a little guy I can name Guillermo, that'd be awesome.

New Dress

I've been searching for some comfortable clothes for my expanding frame lately, and I took a chance and tried on a dress just to see how it fit. Turns out that even though it isn't maternity, it fits super well and I didn't want to take it off because it was so comfortable. Dana, I have a feeling you'll hate it because it's bold and printed. The print itself isn't big and bold, but it's.....a loud dress. Also, you can see in the background some onesies and I've included the close up. If you can find the "I'm new in town" in a size 0-3 months, I will gladly pay you back. Obviously I bought the one that says I heart mom. This child will know animals before numbers, letters or colors, I'm pretty sure.

Dear Dana AND Tracy

It's come to my attention that the blog still has two dedicated readers (EDIT: THREE!! HEY BOOGIE!!).  Thanks guys.  Honestly, I'd be writing more often if I wasn't so cranky all the time.  And I figure you don't want to hear my ongoing real estate saga, which is KIND OF the only thing I can focus on these days, so I just kind of don't say anything.  But the good news for you is that I just went running and now my belly is full of Fuzzy's Pizza and caffiene-free Coke, so this is the best mood you'll find me in for awhile.  Figured I should do a quick post while the endorphins are still kicked in.

The last two days I've had to run some errands (shop for maternity clothes), so I ventured to Meyerland Plaza, where I could go to Motherhood Maternity, Ross, Marshalls, Old Navy AND Target.  It's basically Xanadu.  What's silly of me is that I keep forgetting that is the Bellaire area.  Translation:  everyone there is a gigantic douche.  It's just shocking to me what a little bit (or a ton) of money does to someone's brain.  I can't even count the number of people who just cut me off, walked right in front of me, nearly hit me with their cart, or even almost hit me with their car while I was crossing the parking lot because they wouldn't wait for me.  I've gotten to be kind of obnoxiously sarcastic about it, especially after two trips to HEB, surrounded by old, white rich women.  It's like everyone there is Lucielle Bluth, and I'm the housekeeper. 

 So.Much.Judgment.  What I've decided to do is that anytime someone cuts me off or just stops right where I need to be and ignores me while I say excuse me so I have to lean all the way over them, I just start apologizing profusly. 

Just yesterday at HEB, this lady cut me off like three times turning down the aisles, then stopped in front of the pasta while I was trying to reach what I needed.  After two "excuse me's" and no budging, I leaned in front of her as close as I could and was like "Oh goodness, look at me, I'm in your way!  I'm SO SORRY about that.  That must be frustrating."  She just furrowed her brow and pushed her cart forward.  It's probably too late to teach people manners, but I'm doing my darndest.  If they're gonna be jerks, I'm at least going to make them feel uncomfortable.

Jacob's been going to Memorial Park 3-4 times a week to run while we're living close to it.  I've been going with him and alternating running and walking.  It's pretty funny the looks you get when you're running at 6 months pregnant.  My favorite thing to do while I'm running is to watch all the guys I pass check out other girls running.  Sometimes I like to count how many guys may be sexual predators.  I normally give up at "a lot".  Running has actually helped alleviate my stress lately, but unfortunately once I stop, it feels like my pelvis is broken.  Oh pregnancy.

I would say when it comes to my love/respect for animals, I'm basically like 70% Buddhist.  Even "gross" animals like snakes, mice, rats, etc, don't necessarily bother me.  Do I want them in my home?  No, of course not.  And if the snake is poisonous and I see it, I will kill it because I don't want it to hurt my dogs.  But like spiders, I kinda feel bad killing them sometimes because they're so harmless and it's not like they gross me out.  I don't know, I guess I just feel really really sympathetic for animals and I worry about their well-being much more than I should.  This is not the case with cockroaches.  I take great pleasure in the killing roaches, and watching them die a slow painful death by poison.  My only regret with killing roaches with Raid is that they can't go back to their families to poison them as well.  This morning, at 3:59, I woke up REALLY needing to pee.  I walked into the bathroom and saw a small roach dead in our shower.  I have no idea how that happened since both Jacob and I had showered before bed, but there it was.  I tried not to let it bother me while I went to the bathroom and was just thankful it was a small roach and it was dead.  I turned to grab some toilet paper and spotted a giant LIVE roach, crawling across our bathroom counter, right next to my toothbrush.  Here's where panic set it.  Long story short, I sprayed the crap out of my can of Raid and smiled as it died.  Unfortunately for me, though, I sprayed Raid all over everything on our bathroom counter, including both of our toothbrushes, my retainer case, and my face wash.  Casualties of war, I guess.  Anyways, I had a hard time falling back asleep after that because I was convinced a roach was going to fly onto my face while I slept.  I am so ready to move into our house, where we can pay a pest control company to keep those things out of my personal space. 

Tonight I was able to catch just a few minutes of Dance Moms while Jacob ran out to get the pizza we ordered.  I can't even tell you how much it hurts that I have no clue what's going on in the show right now.  I'm so behind!  It's totally Lifetime's fault, though, because they never replay the episodes during the day, when I'm free to watch and take notes without hearing Jacob's tacky comments, or dealing with him talking through the show.

Last night I was able to catch most of the new episode of RHoNJ.  YOU GUYS.  It brings me physical pain how far behind I am.  I would have blogged about the episode, but since I haven't seen the last several, I had no clue what was going on. My plan is to watch the last two episodes so I can figure out what the heck is going on between Teresa and Jacqueline (TEAM JACQUELINE FOREVER), and do one mega-blog about the whole thing.  In the meantime...
Dear Bravo Executive Andy Cohen:  if you are reading this, PLEASE rerun the last 4 episodes during the day one weekday.  Otherwise I will never get caught up and I will have to constantly deflect the "have you seen Jersey yet?!!?!?!" question.  Please don't make me do this any more, Andy Cohen.  I don't like it and I don't want my life to continue this way.

Sincerely, a distressed and left-out fan

I have a recipe for you to try.  I made this for the first time last night for dinner, and it was actually pretty good.  Despite the feta and half and half I put in there, I told myself that it was super healthy, because of all the veggies.  Aimee, if Roland is still on his vegetarian kick, you could totally make this without the chicken and use mushrooms and multiple peppers and all kinds of stuff.  Anyways, it's called Confetti Chicken Pasta, and I recommend it.  Go here for the recipe.

Dear Dana

So since I'm back in Texas now and I'm pretty sure my family has decided they don't need the blog to know what's happening in my life, I'm pretty sure this blog has once again returned to it's original purpose: an outlet to communicate with Dana.  Let me start with the most important thing first, the question I know you're going to ask me: NO, I have not watched ANY Dance Moms or the the last several weeks worth of RHoNJ.  I am attributing a lot of my (going on 2 month-long) foul mood on the disruption to my television schedule.  I'm hoping I can get in an episode of Jersey here in a little bit, one of the reruns, but Jacob's probably going to be home from a friend's house soon, which means I'll be making dinner and he'll probably put something on the tv that "doesn't make his ears bleed".  So yeah, if you want to have a television discussion with me, don't bother.  Because at this point, I'm basically a Mennonite--the life of an Amish person with a dash of modern conveniences, minus the glitz.

The good news is that I'm FINALLY getting over whatever I got on the day of Michael and Kayla's wedding (June 2).  I was pretty legitimately miserably sick for two solid weeks, but now all I've got to show for it is a lingering cough.  For awhile there, though, I had a horrible hacking cough, a sore throat, a horrible head/chest cold, and no voice.  Not sure if you've ever seen Happy Endings (you should), but I sounded exactly like the Halloween episode where Alex is really sick and goes as Marilyn Monroe, but because she has no voice, this guy at the party thinks she's a tranny and is totally impressed with how feminine she is and hits on her the whole time thinking she's a guy.  It's awesome.

Also, I would accept Maeby telling Steve Holt that her mom is a dude as a suitable substitute for how I sounded and people reacted to me.

 In other news, every part of me is getting pretty huge these days.

 I'm afraid I've started the quest for the Holy Grail in trying to find a cute/comfortable pair of maternity shorts.  So far, I only have one pair, but they rub between my legs pretty bad and make me feel like a big heifer, so I don't like to wear them a lot.  Basically, I'm either always wearing a dress or just my Nike running shorts.  Today I had to stay home while Jacob went to Biff's apartment because I couldn't find anything to put on.  If this continues, I'll just have to suck it up and go to Dress Barn for some moo-moo's.  We've started our baby registry, which, as you can imagine, is very animal (especially owl)-centric.  Also, Jacob ordered our crib today, mostly because I couldn't make myself do it.  I have no idea why, I just could not commit to buying the crib.  I might be in denial.  But here it is:

So let's see...what else do I need to update you on.  You know the mess with our house.  Ugh.  I can't even tell you how irritated I am about our house in ND.  I know it's all going to work out, but the whole thing stresses me out so bad I can't even discuss it.  I like to pretend it's not real and like we don't have a house we're paying for up there.  That's healthy, right?  But in happier news, we close on our house on July 18th.  Hopefully everything will be sorted out by then with selling our house, because I can't handle the stress anymore.  It's making me not even want to think about my new house.
 
The apartment we're in right now is right across from Lakewood Church.  It's pretty nice, and I love that Jacob can just walk to work because his building is literally across the street.  The main thing I don't like is how pretentious the area is.  We're right in the River Oaks area, so everyone is super rich and pleased with themselves.  It makes me REALLY want to look as trashy as possible whenever I go anywhere just to irritated all the botoxed women.  Just now I took Oscar out to go to the bathroom, and there was a lady in the parking lot outside the door of our apartment who was WASHING HER MERCEDES WITH A BOTTLE OF FIJI WATER AND A WASHCLOTH.  Honestly, I've never heard of giving a car a sponge bath before, but I guess people do it.  And I'm not sure how she thought she'd make that Fiji water last for the whole car, she seemed pretty dumb.  I just walked out there and was like....What?

So that's the super vague update on my life.  I'd go into more detail, but I've been really moody lately, and I'd probably go all crazy negative talking about how everything is the worst.  I'll save that for the next phone call we have. 

First Storm

Poor Guy remembered how scary Houston can be. Sometimes you just need a good laundry room and your best friend, Monkey, to make things better.

Content Puppy

I think he must just be nervous, but this poor guy has never been happier to sleep on the floor on some blankets.

Luxury puppy

Don't worry about him. He will make himself comfortable in our temporary apartment.

IMPORTANT

YOU GUYS it was just brought to my attention that a new season of Dance Moms is on tonight. HOLY COW. I realize I'm a post behind on RHoNJ and I haven't updated on anything in like forty weeks, but I will not sit idly by while Dance Moms is on. I don't know how I'll watch it because I'm staying at my brother's house, but I WILL figure it out, and I will blog the crap out of that season premiere. So be on the lookout for a life update AND a Jersey post and MOST IMPORTANTLY, Dance Moms.

Tired Boy

It is so easy to get worn out at Huntie's house.