Friday, May 4, 2012
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Zero Patience
Today I had my appointment with the hematologist. It would have been a complete waste of time had I been there for like 20 minutes, but it was a COLOSSAL waste of time since I was there for two hours. All that for the doctor to say (in the 8 minutes I was with him) he couldn't really do much in this appointment because he wanted to do "a boatload of bloodwork" before he started me on treatment (though he predicts me having to give myself daily shots for the six weeks after the baby is born...). So after waiting 45 minutes for the nurse to order my lab work, I was sent off to the lab. After waiting there several minutes, the lab tech came out and asked me if I was fasting, because for some of the TEN tests, I needed to be fasting. Being an angry pregnant lady who had run out of patience an hour prior, I informed her that though I was extremely hungry since I'd been there since 10am (it was noon), I had not purposely been fasting. She told me I needed to come back tomorrow. I showed her what my eyeballs look like when they roll back into my head and stormed out. Once I got to my car, I called Jacob and had a complete emotional breakdown. I cannot be held accountable for my emotions when I'm that hungry. Also, I'm pretty sure that leaving someone in a small room with no sound or anything to read or do is considered torture. People need stimuli to survive!!! I was in the patient room for a total of an hour and a half and only had human interaction for about twelve minutes total. I had absolutely nothing to do but count, so I would just count to 100 and then start again. I was trying to use it as a calming technique. It had the opposite effect. I would never last in prison.
Unfortunately since the appointment went way long, I had to stay at work late to make up the two hours I'd missed. By the time I got home and walked the boys, I didn't get the chance to go to Herbergers. I won't let anything get in my way tomorrow, though, since the coupon I have is only valid today and tomorrow. Don't worry, Herbergers. I'm coming for you.
Unfortunately since the appointment went way long, I had to stay at work late to make up the two hours I'd missed. By the time I got home and walked the boys, I didn't get the chance to go to Herbergers. I won't let anything get in my way tomorrow, though, since the coupon I have is only valid today and tomorrow. Don't worry, Herbergers. I'm coming for you.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Love ya, Dusty Rose
Today I decided on a whim to see what Herbergers had to offer me. I found some sweet Fossil stuff that had been marked down, but since I know how to stick it to Herbergers, I decided to put off buying the stuff and come back tomorrow with my 25% coupon. HI-YO! I am gonna get some steals. So once I'd made that decision to wait on those necklaces, I figured I'd check out their final clearance. For this section of clearance, they don't allow you to use any coupons or anything, so if I find something I like, I just snatch it up, because you can't get it for cheaper and my luck is that I if I tell myself I'll come back later, some one else will have gotten it. SO, imagine my delight when I came across a whole rack of Fossil stuff that was marked final clearance. Oh, FYI, they do their jewelry final clearance differently- basically if the most recent markdown is anything below $18.99, you pay $4.99, and if it's marked anything above $18.99, you pay $9.99, no matter what the original price was. Below are all the pictures I took of all the stuff I got. The necklace with the short chain and flower was originally $35, but I got it for $4.99. The chain necklace with the heart lock was originally $38, but I paid $4.99. The one with the coral strands of beads was originally $98!!! But I only paid $9.99. So I got three legit awesome necklaces for $20 TOTAL. I mean it when I say that Herbergers is the very best thing about this town. Plus they had some adorable little boy onesies that were on clearance that I had to pass up, EVEN THOUGH they had elephants and lions on them. I can't promise I won't buy them when I go back tomorrow for those other necklaces....
Monday, April 30, 2012
Massage Fail
Let me explain how the events of Saturday morning came to pass.
Last Wednesday, I noticed an annoying pain on the top left part of my back, underneath my left shoulder blade. As the day went on, the pain went from being an annoyance to a maddening, uncomfortable pain. I asked Jacob for a back rub before bed, which helped slightly, but I woke up the next morning with the pain worse than the day before. I told my boss about the pain in my back and she told me that during her last pregnancy, she'd had back pain that she couldn't shake the whole time, and at times she'd just break down crying because it was so frustrating and painful and it wouldn't go away. Not what I was wanting to hear. She recommended her Chiropractor, but like my mother, I'm a bit skeptical of that profession, so I said I was considering getting a massage to see if it would work out the pain. Jodi was a huge help; she went through the phone book for me, writing down a list of places that she had been and really liked that I should try to call. Her top choice was going to be able to get me in that day, but when I told them I was pregnant, they said they weren't comfortable with that and cancelled my appointment. I was devastated. The next place I called was the place Jodi said was the best in town. She said they were super hard to get into, but that I should just try to see if they could squeeze me in because it would be worth it. Unfortunately I got no response after like 10 tries, so I moved on to the next place on the list. This lady, Pam, said the soonest she could get me in was Saturday morning, 10am. Not knowing if I could get anything sooner, I snatched up the appointment. Because my back was hurting so bad, I continued calling back the lady (Nikki) that Jodi said was the best. I must have listened to her voicemail about 20 times that day, and finally called it quits Friday morning. I figured she wouldn't be able to get me in before the Saturday appointment, so I just stuck with that.
Now, I should say, in my entire life, I've never had a massage before. I have ALWAYS wanted one, and I ask for one at basically every holiday. Here I am, though, massage-less up until this point, and I was crazy with excitement and anticipation for Saturday morning. So Saturday morning rolls around and my back is killing me, but Jacob had gone out and got me blueberry muffins for breakfast, and I was able to sleep in a bit before my appointment, so I was feeling pretty good about how the day was going to shake out. I was leisurely enjoying my muffin and orange juice when I realized it was 9:47, and I needed to get the heck out of there. I frantically got dressed, but then got really self-conscious because of the underwear I was wearing. I just had on a normal pair, but they were sort of cheeky, so I didn't want her to feel like she was staring at my butt cheeks the whole time, so i was like, "Uh oh. Better change underwear!" So I run back into my room and put on a pair I thought would give me more coverage, get dressed again and head out. I had never seen the place I was going to, and I only had their address to go off of, which is pretty dangerous for me. It's a general rule in my world that the first time I drive anywhere, I get lost. Doesn't matter how easy it may seem, if I'm driving to a location for the first time, I'm guaranteed to make at least one wrong turn AT BEST. So in anticipation, I had scribbled down the intersection and address on the piece of paper I had the appointment time on. As I got close to the area, I didn't see anything but houses, so I was like "oh crap....I'm super lost". At this point it's like 9:59 and I'm super frazzled and so I do a U-turn in the middle of the street. I see a sign on the side of a building a few blocks down that says massage on it, so I'm like "YES! There it is!!" I pull up, but can't find the door to the massage place. I run into the nearest door (a hair salon), and as I'm running up to the closest hair stylist to ask how I get to the massage place, I trip on the carpet and nearly take the girl out. She takes a step away from me and quickly points the way to the massage place, which I run happily into. I should have thought it was strange when the room I went into was just a small waiting area with 2 chairs and no lights on. There was a door inside that had a sign on it that said "Quiet, Massage in Session", but there was no soul in sight, so I had no way to say I was there for my appointment. I waited awhile, proud of my good fortune that I'd been running so far behind but the masseuse didn't know I was late since the previous appointment was going over. I started to get a bit frustrated, though, and at 10:09, I sent a text telling Jacob things were weird and I wasn't sure what was happening. Immediately I got a call from Pam (the masseuse) saying "Hi Hayley, I had you down for a 10 am massage?" I was like "Yeah...I'm here" which is precisely when it clicked that I was in the entirely wrong place. Between the piece of paper that I'd scribbled the address onto (which was the original list of places Jodi had written me), and calling the other masseuse, Nikki, dozens of times to get in earlier, the other massage place must have seeped into my brain, because that's where I was. I stuttered and stammered my way out of the (thankfully) empty massage place, and blamed my unfamiliarity with the town on my perceived retardation to Pam on the phone as she tried to give me directions where to go. I was so overwhelmed with having to find the place, knowing I'd get lost, that the masseuse stayed on the phone with me and stayed outside until I got there. Talk about embarrassing. She was super duper nice about it, but I just felt like such an idiot. In my defense, she was working out of an old house (that I had driven right by previously) that didn't have the best signage. Ugh. Not a great start. I was apologizing profusely, and she led me upstairs to get started. We went over the pain I was having and she had me get down to my underwear and get under the blankets. When she left, I sent Jacob a quick text to update him, letting him know that I am, in fact, an idiot, and that I'd gone to the wrong place. I started to undress, worried she'd come in before I finished, so I was just haphazardly tossing my clothes into a pile as they came off. I dove onto the table as soon as I got down to my underwear, but realized that I'd put on a pair that offers more cheek coverage, but sags way low. That's when I realized that she'd be seeing like an inch of my butt crack the entire time. Horrified, I mentally beat myself up over my choice of underwear until I realized I had other issues--I'd left my socks on, which I'd pulled out of the dirty clothes in my rush to get ready. I didn't know if massages normally included foot rubs, but if that was offered, I DEFINITELY wanted one. But at this point I knew it had been several minutes and she was likely to walk back in any second. Did I want to chance leaning over, and hanging my naked top half out of the covers to pull my socks off? I decided it was worth the risk, and as I was pulling off my right sock (top half of my body COMPLETELY exposed), the door opens. I flung the sock across the room and awkwardly said "sorry!" and went back to burying my face on the table. I agonized over the fact that I'd only gotten one sock off and was like "should I say something?!?! Should I ask her to take my other sock off??? What if she doesn't even do anything with my feet?!" I reassured myself that she would probably not even get to my feet, and since I was under the blanket, she'd never even know that I only had one sock off. I had just enough time to let myself relax at the thought when she said "I'm just going to prop your feet up with this pillow." So up go the blankets and she's grabbing my ankles and putting a pillow below them...Oy. I'm sure she already thought I was deranged, but seeing me in one dirty tall sock with absolutely nothing on the other foot probably really troubled her. I wanted to explain, but at that point, I figured it was worthless. The appointment continued on in this awkward vain as I tried to subtly figure out what to do with my arms and how my face was supposed to fit in the hole. After several minutes, I realized it shouldn't feel like my cheeks are being split open, so I tried be cool about inching myself up. I thought I played it off really well, and was much more comfortable once I had my face in there better, but then the face part started squeaking. With every rub, as my body would move, the bed would make this loud squeaking sound and I just wanted to yell "SORRY, I ACCIDENTALLY WENT TO THE WRONG PLACE BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO ADMIT THAT IT'S BECAUSE I CALLED THE OTHER LADY SO MANY TIMES AND I PUT ON UNDERWEAR ON ACCIDENT THAT SHOWS A LOT OF BUTT CRACK AND NOW YOU'VE GOT THE TOWEL PULLED DOWN LOW TO RUB MY BACK BUT I CAN JUST FEEL THE DRAFT ON MY BUTT CRACK AND I ONLY GOT TO TAKE ONE SOCK OFF BECAUSE THE BLANKET WAS FALLING DOWN AND MY BOOBS WERE EXPOSED AND MY FACE HURT IN THIS THING SO I MOVED UP BUT NOW IT'S MAKING NOISE AND I DON'T WANT TO MOVE AGAIN BECAUSE IT WOULD BE OBVIOUS." Ugh, I just felt like such an idiot, you guys.
Unfortunately, because I was so late, she was only able to do a half hour, which was glorious, but went by way too fast. Overall, for my first massage experience, it was....awkward. I don't think I'd go back to her solely for pride. I'm sure she thinks I'm a complete idiot and I don't blame her. The massage felt awesome, and I'd love to have another one, I'm just not really to mentally beat myself up like that for awhile. Unfortunately, I haven't felt much relief in my back, either. It felt better after the massage, but it's gone back to being really uncomfortable, so I've been using the heating pad for relief. Hopefully it feels better soon, because if I break down and need a massage again, I'm pretty sure she won't answer my phone calls.
Last Wednesday, I noticed an annoying pain on the top left part of my back, underneath my left shoulder blade. As the day went on, the pain went from being an annoyance to a maddening, uncomfortable pain. I asked Jacob for a back rub before bed, which helped slightly, but I woke up the next morning with the pain worse than the day before. I told my boss about the pain in my back and she told me that during her last pregnancy, she'd had back pain that she couldn't shake the whole time, and at times she'd just break down crying because it was so frustrating and painful and it wouldn't go away. Not what I was wanting to hear. She recommended her Chiropractor, but like my mother, I'm a bit skeptical of that profession, so I said I was considering getting a massage to see if it would work out the pain. Jodi was a huge help; she went through the phone book for me, writing down a list of places that she had been and really liked that I should try to call. Her top choice was going to be able to get me in that day, but when I told them I was pregnant, they said they weren't comfortable with that and cancelled my appointment. I was devastated. The next place I called was the place Jodi said was the best in town. She said they were super hard to get into, but that I should just try to see if they could squeeze me in because it would be worth it. Unfortunately I got no response after like 10 tries, so I moved on to the next place on the list. This lady, Pam, said the soonest she could get me in was Saturday morning, 10am. Not knowing if I could get anything sooner, I snatched up the appointment. Because my back was hurting so bad, I continued calling back the lady (Nikki) that Jodi said was the best. I must have listened to her voicemail about 20 times that day, and finally called it quits Friday morning. I figured she wouldn't be able to get me in before the Saturday appointment, so I just stuck with that.
Now, I should say, in my entire life, I've never had a massage before. I have ALWAYS wanted one, and I ask for one at basically every holiday. Here I am, though, massage-less up until this point, and I was crazy with excitement and anticipation for Saturday morning. So Saturday morning rolls around and my back is killing me, but Jacob had gone out and got me blueberry muffins for breakfast, and I was able to sleep in a bit before my appointment, so I was feeling pretty good about how the day was going to shake out. I was leisurely enjoying my muffin and orange juice when I realized it was 9:47, and I needed to get the heck out of there. I frantically got dressed, but then got really self-conscious because of the underwear I was wearing. I just had on a normal pair, but they were sort of cheeky, so I didn't want her to feel like she was staring at my butt cheeks the whole time, so i was like, "Uh oh. Better change underwear!" So I run back into my room and put on a pair I thought would give me more coverage, get dressed again and head out. I had never seen the place I was going to, and I only had their address to go off of, which is pretty dangerous for me. It's a general rule in my world that the first time I drive anywhere, I get lost. Doesn't matter how easy it may seem, if I'm driving to a location for the first time, I'm guaranteed to make at least one wrong turn AT BEST. So in anticipation, I had scribbled down the intersection and address on the piece of paper I had the appointment time on. As I got close to the area, I didn't see anything but houses, so I was like "oh crap....I'm super lost". At this point it's like 9:59 and I'm super frazzled and so I do a U-turn in the middle of the street. I see a sign on the side of a building a few blocks down that says massage on it, so I'm like "YES! There it is!!" I pull up, but can't find the door to the massage place. I run into the nearest door (a hair salon), and as I'm running up to the closest hair stylist to ask how I get to the massage place, I trip on the carpet and nearly take the girl out. She takes a step away from me and quickly points the way to the massage place, which I run happily into. I should have thought it was strange when the room I went into was just a small waiting area with 2 chairs and no lights on. There was a door inside that had a sign on it that said "Quiet, Massage in Session", but there was no soul in sight, so I had no way to say I was there for my appointment. I waited awhile, proud of my good fortune that I'd been running so far behind but the masseuse didn't know I was late since the previous appointment was going over. I started to get a bit frustrated, though, and at 10:09, I sent a text telling Jacob things were weird and I wasn't sure what was happening. Immediately I got a call from Pam (the masseuse) saying "Hi Hayley, I had you down for a 10 am massage?" I was like "Yeah...I'm here" which is precisely when it clicked that I was in the entirely wrong place. Between the piece of paper that I'd scribbled the address onto (which was the original list of places Jodi had written me), and calling the other masseuse, Nikki, dozens of times to get in earlier, the other massage place must have seeped into my brain, because that's where I was. I stuttered and stammered my way out of the (thankfully) empty massage place, and blamed my unfamiliarity with the town on my perceived retardation to Pam on the phone as she tried to give me directions where to go. I was so overwhelmed with having to find the place, knowing I'd get lost, that the masseuse stayed on the phone with me and stayed outside until I got there. Talk about embarrassing. She was super duper nice about it, but I just felt like such an idiot. In my defense, she was working out of an old house (that I had driven right by previously) that didn't have the best signage. Ugh. Not a great start. I was apologizing profusely, and she led me upstairs to get started. We went over the pain I was having and she had me get down to my underwear and get under the blankets. When she left, I sent Jacob a quick text to update him, letting him know that I am, in fact, an idiot, and that I'd gone to the wrong place. I started to undress, worried she'd come in before I finished, so I was just haphazardly tossing my clothes into a pile as they came off. I dove onto the table as soon as I got down to my underwear, but realized that I'd put on a pair that offers more cheek coverage, but sags way low. That's when I realized that she'd be seeing like an inch of my butt crack the entire time. Horrified, I mentally beat myself up over my choice of underwear until I realized I had other issues--I'd left my socks on, which I'd pulled out of the dirty clothes in my rush to get ready. I didn't know if massages normally included foot rubs, but if that was offered, I DEFINITELY wanted one. But at this point I knew it had been several minutes and she was likely to walk back in any second. Did I want to chance leaning over, and hanging my naked top half out of the covers to pull my socks off? I decided it was worth the risk, and as I was pulling off my right sock (top half of my body COMPLETELY exposed), the door opens. I flung the sock across the room and awkwardly said "sorry!" and went back to burying my face on the table. I agonized over the fact that I'd only gotten one sock off and was like "should I say something?!?! Should I ask her to take my other sock off??? What if she doesn't even do anything with my feet?!" I reassured myself that she would probably not even get to my feet, and since I was under the blanket, she'd never even know that I only had one sock off. I had just enough time to let myself relax at the thought when she said "I'm just going to prop your feet up with this pillow." So up go the blankets and she's grabbing my ankles and putting a pillow below them...Oy. I'm sure she already thought I was deranged, but seeing me in one dirty tall sock with absolutely nothing on the other foot probably really troubled her. I wanted to explain, but at that point, I figured it was worthless. The appointment continued on in this awkward vain as I tried to subtly figure out what to do with my arms and how my face was supposed to fit in the hole. After several minutes, I realized it shouldn't feel like my cheeks are being split open, so I tried be cool about inching myself up. I thought I played it off really well, and was much more comfortable once I had my face in there better, but then the face part started squeaking. With every rub, as my body would move, the bed would make this loud squeaking sound and I just wanted to yell "SORRY, I ACCIDENTALLY WENT TO THE WRONG PLACE BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO ADMIT THAT IT'S BECAUSE I CALLED THE OTHER LADY SO MANY TIMES AND I PUT ON UNDERWEAR ON ACCIDENT THAT SHOWS A LOT OF BUTT CRACK AND NOW YOU'VE GOT THE TOWEL PULLED DOWN LOW TO RUB MY BACK BUT I CAN JUST FEEL THE DRAFT ON MY BUTT CRACK AND I ONLY GOT TO TAKE ONE SOCK OFF BECAUSE THE BLANKET WAS FALLING DOWN AND MY BOOBS WERE EXPOSED AND MY FACE HURT IN THIS THING SO I MOVED UP BUT NOW IT'S MAKING NOISE AND I DON'T WANT TO MOVE AGAIN BECAUSE IT WOULD BE OBVIOUS." Ugh, I just felt like such an idiot, you guys.
Unfortunately, because I was so late, she was only able to do a half hour, which was glorious, but went by way too fast. Overall, for my first massage experience, it was....awkward. I don't think I'd go back to her solely for pride. I'm sure she thinks I'm a complete idiot and I don't blame her. The massage felt awesome, and I'd love to have another one, I'm just not really to mentally beat myself up like that for awhile. Unfortunately, I haven't felt much relief in my back, either. It felt better after the massage, but it's gone back to being really uncomfortable, so I've been using the heating pad for relief. Hopefully it feels better soon, because if I break down and need a massage again, I'm pretty sure she won't answer my phone calls.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
RHoNJ Episode 2 Recap
So tonight's episode of RHoNJ was hilarious to me. There were several moments that made me laugh out loud and some of the people on the show I love more than I ever did before. Here are some highlights of the show:
Jacqueline talking about how she and Chris have decided to send Ashley to live with Jacqueline's brother and sister in law. I'm confused how her brother will have more authority and power over her, but maybe he's a army colonel and they just haven't explained that. Jacqueline is discussing her reasoning for wanting to send Ashley to live with her aunt and uncle and she says "Ashley's been going out everyday--partying, self-destructing." I can see why the best possible situation is to send her to live in Las Vegas. I can't imagine that a troubled 20 year old could be tempted there.
If only she had some family in Salt Lake City or Bismarck, ND she could send her to live with. Can't do much in those places. What I am super confused about is the whole "sending her to live with her uncle thing". Jacqueline and her husband say they're basically making her move out to Vegas, but Ashley only packed one bag and she hardly even said bye to anyone and they were describing it as "going on a trip." CAN WE GET A LITTLE MORE CLARIFICATION ON THIS, PLEASE?
Normally I love Caroline and I'll totally back her on basically anything she does, but I'm totally uncomfortable with how she talks about Lauren's weight. She walks into the nutritionist saying "Lauren has a problem with her weight" then describes the superficiality of the makeup industry. It's not like you're really inspiring a lot of confidence from her. I actually think Lauren is a really pretty girl. Yeah, she's a little bigger, but that doesn't mean that it needs to be pointed out to her. Geez, go easy on the girl. The nutritionist gave her a diet which looks a little sketchy to me--egg whites and some berries and some chocolate powder? That doesn't seem like it would take care of all the vitamins and nutrients she needs, right? When Lauren was talking her diet, I wanted to cry for her "I think the diet will work because it's the closest thing to anorexia. As long as I can live I guess I'll be fine..." HOLY CRAP, YOU GUYS. THAT'S AN EATING DISORDER. It just makes me sad for her, honestly. And I think that's pretty irresponsible for Caroline as a mother to condone that sort of behavior. Take her to a REAL nutritionist who will teach her about portion control and changing the proportions of the meat and veggies and carbs and whatnot and hire her a personal trainer. YOU CAN AFFORD IT. Her issues with food are NOT healthy and it really irritates me.
I loved listening to Teresa and Joe's conversation about how they're selling the pizza place that they've owned for, what, like 3 weeks? Him saying it wasn't working because he doesn't have a driver's license is a bit suspect. Something tells me there's more to that story. That, or he's just too lazy to run a restaurant, which is more likely because running a restaurant is no joke. When he points across the street to the gas station they're trying to buy to tear down to build a nursing home, I just rolled my eyes. You don't need a car for construction, or what? This dude is so stupid. When Teresa asks if the gas station knows they're about to get kicked out and he says no, he's like "It's a gas station, it's not a big deal." That's pretty arrogant for a man that can't hold a job for me than a month.
I LOVED the plug for Rich's Exxon station that he owns. I loved how they tried to play it off like they were showing his gas station because Rich was teaching his son a lesson. What's the lesson there? Yeah, you're sophomore class President, but you're not maximizing your potential unless you're managing gas stations? Lofty goals, young man. No, the producers were just foaming at the mouth at the potential to juxtapose Joe Guidice's run down crap gas station he was trying to buy with Rich's "fancy" well maintained station. It was pretty obvious, but I still enjoyed it.
When Albie was driving Ashley to the airport, I was taken aback by his description of her. "Ashley thinks she's Ke$ha. She has Ke$ha music going in her head. She thinks a limo's gonna pull up and there's gonna be shopping bags and champagne and flashing lights and that's it. That's how life should be." Does Albie know who Ke$ha is?
She's like the grungiest/least glamorous person on the planet. Was he accidentally thinking of the Macaulay Culkin movie Richie Rich? Because that's a much more accurate analogy.
Chris's reaction to Ashley missing her flight to Vegas was so awesome "sending her to the counter is like sending Santino [his dog] to the counter". Also, PLEASE tell me Jacqueline named her dog Santino after Project Runway Santino Rice. They have the same scraggly hair...I don't think we can rule that possibility out.
Seeing everyone's reaction to Ashley missing her flight was so awesome. Or maybe they were just SO DISTRACTED BY HER FACE. I know I was. I couldn't get past it. I thought I couldn't dislike that girl anymore, but those giant lips and gross tan have made it worse.
Here's something that really stumped me when Ashley came in from missing her flight. How did she get her checked bag back? That's not how airports work. They don't find your bag and bring it back to you if you miss the plane. Did she forget to check her bag? How did she make it through security? Maybe she never even checked in and was just walking up and down outside of the terminals. I wouldn't be shocked if she tried to carry on a bomb. The girl is stupid.
Teresa's description of her cookbook "it's a book you can't put down once you start reading it, that's what everyone says to me" IT'S A COOKBOOK! People aren't reading it for the cliffhangers--but what's she going to do with the oregano?!?!?!
I want to know why Joe Guidice is constantly challenging other men on their height. I mean no disrespect when I say, I think he could legally be considered a little person. Who does he think he's taller than?
I had to fast forward through Melissa singing you guys. I just can't do that to myself.
I loved when Albie, Chris and Chris went over and had dinner with Joe Guidice. I love those guys. When Chris said "Milania's a terrorist" I nearly through-the-nosed my milkshake. [Jacob made me a milkshake and it was DELICIOUS. He's the best]. Chris's commentary through the dinner was just so funny. I want to hear him talk about drunk Joe forever. His reenactment of Joe claiming to have the second best brain to God in the world was hilarious. Like Joe conceded, okay, God's got the best brain on earth. Then me. Then Chris said he misses the days where Joe used to get drunk and pass out and they'd throw ham at him. Can we be friends, Chris? Because I think you're great.
Teresa's book signing made me so uncomfortable, but I was super entertained by the really awkward girl from Oklahoma asking about Joe's legal troubles, and asking if the rumors were true and responding with "I love you regardless!" You could tell Teresa was like
I was super confused/concerned about how they ended the episode with that video montage of Ashley as a little girl and Jacqueline crying over Ashley's baby pictures as the plane was taking off. It made me super uncomfortable like...so...does Ashley die?? Have all these jokes about her flying anxiety and plane crashes just been foreshadowing??? I'm pretty sure she doesn't die, but that was a weird way to end the episode, right?
Next week's episode looks legit. Looks like we get our first big showdown between Teresa and the others. I love this show.
Jacqueline talking about how she and Chris have decided to send Ashley to live with Jacqueline's brother and sister in law. I'm confused how her brother will have more authority and power over her, but maybe he's a army colonel and they just haven't explained that. Jacqueline is discussing her reasoning for wanting to send Ashley to live with her aunt and uncle and she says "Ashley's been going out everyday--partying, self-destructing." I can see why the best possible situation is to send her to live in Las Vegas. I can't imagine that a troubled 20 year old could be tempted there.
Normally I love Caroline and I'll totally back her on basically anything she does, but I'm totally uncomfortable with how she talks about Lauren's weight. She walks into the nutritionist saying "Lauren has a problem with her weight" then describes the superficiality of the makeup industry. It's not like you're really inspiring a lot of confidence from her. I actually think Lauren is a really pretty girl. Yeah, she's a little bigger, but that doesn't mean that it needs to be pointed out to her. Geez, go easy on the girl. The nutritionist gave her a diet which looks a little sketchy to me--egg whites and some berries and some chocolate powder? That doesn't seem like it would take care of all the vitamins and nutrients she needs, right? When Lauren was talking her diet, I wanted to cry for her "I think the diet will work because it's the closest thing to anorexia. As long as I can live I guess I'll be fine..." HOLY CRAP, YOU GUYS. THAT'S AN EATING DISORDER. It just makes me sad for her, honestly. And I think that's pretty irresponsible for Caroline as a mother to condone that sort of behavior. Take her to a REAL nutritionist who will teach her about portion control and changing the proportions of the meat and veggies and carbs and whatnot and hire her a personal trainer. YOU CAN AFFORD IT. Her issues with food are NOT healthy and it really irritates me.
I loved listening to Teresa and Joe's conversation about how they're selling the pizza place that they've owned for, what, like 3 weeks? Him saying it wasn't working because he doesn't have a driver's license is a bit suspect. Something tells me there's more to that story. That, or he's just too lazy to run a restaurant, which is more likely because running a restaurant is no joke. When he points across the street to the gas station they're trying to buy to tear down to build a nursing home, I just rolled my eyes. You don't need a car for construction, or what? This dude is so stupid. When Teresa asks if the gas station knows they're about to get kicked out and he says no, he's like "It's a gas station, it's not a big deal." That's pretty arrogant for a man that can't hold a job for me than a month.
I LOVED the plug for Rich's Exxon station that he owns. I loved how they tried to play it off like they were showing his gas station because Rich was teaching his son a lesson. What's the lesson there? Yeah, you're sophomore class President, but you're not maximizing your potential unless you're managing gas stations? Lofty goals, young man. No, the producers were just foaming at the mouth at the potential to juxtapose Joe Guidice's run down crap gas station he was trying to buy with Rich's "fancy" well maintained station. It was pretty obvious, but I still enjoyed it.
When Albie was driving Ashley to the airport, I was taken aback by his description of her. "Ashley thinks she's Ke$ha. She has Ke$ha music going in her head. She thinks a limo's gonna pull up and there's gonna be shopping bags and champagne and flashing lights and that's it. That's how life should be." Does Albie know who Ke$ha is?
Chris's reaction to Ashley missing her flight to Vegas was so awesome "sending her to the counter is like sending Santino [his dog] to the counter". Also, PLEASE tell me Jacqueline named her dog Santino after Project Runway Santino Rice. They have the same scraggly hair...I don't think we can rule that possibility out.
Here's something that really stumped me when Ashley came in from missing her flight. How did she get her checked bag back? That's not how airports work. They don't find your bag and bring it back to you if you miss the plane. Did she forget to check her bag? How did she make it through security? Maybe she never even checked in and was just walking up and down outside of the terminals. I wouldn't be shocked if she tried to carry on a bomb. The girl is stupid.
Teresa's description of her cookbook "it's a book you can't put down once you start reading it, that's what everyone says to me" IT'S A COOKBOOK! People aren't reading it for the cliffhangers--but what's she going to do with the oregano?!?!?!
I want to know why Joe Guidice is constantly challenging other men on their height. I mean no disrespect when I say, I think he could legally be considered a little person. Who does he think he's taller than?
I had to fast forward through Melissa singing you guys. I just can't do that to myself.
I loved when Albie, Chris and Chris went over and had dinner with Joe Guidice. I love those guys. When Chris said "Milania's a terrorist" I nearly through-the-nosed my milkshake. [Jacob made me a milkshake and it was DELICIOUS. He's the best]. Chris's commentary through the dinner was just so funny. I want to hear him talk about drunk Joe forever. His reenactment of Joe claiming to have the second best brain to God in the world was hilarious. Like Joe conceded, okay, God's got the best brain on earth. Then me. Then Chris said he misses the days where Joe used to get drunk and pass out and they'd throw ham at him. Can we be friends, Chris? Because I think you're great.
Teresa's book signing made me so uncomfortable, but I was super entertained by the really awkward girl from Oklahoma asking about Joe's legal troubles, and asking if the rumors were true and responding with "I love you regardless!" You could tell Teresa was like
I was super confused/concerned about how they ended the episode with that video montage of Ashley as a little girl and Jacqueline crying over Ashley's baby pictures as the plane was taking off. It made me super uncomfortable like...so...does Ashley die?? Have all these jokes about her flying anxiety and plane crashes just been foreshadowing??? I'm pretty sure she doesn't die, but that was a weird way to end the episode, right?
Next week's episode looks legit. Looks like we get our first big showdown between Teresa and the others. I love this show.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
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