Golden globe live blog

Enjoy the show everyone. Time for me to eat dinner and enjoy Ricky's genius. We'll talk about the fashion tomorrow. Think about your favorites and the ones you hate.

6:00 time for the big show. I can't wait for this monologue by Ricky. It's gonna be epic.

5:58. Yep. There it is. I just don't love Angelina or that dress.

5:55. Oh boy time for Ryan and Giuliana to run down the fashion. Wait for Ross to drool over Angelina jolie

5:54 Elle that dress is bananas, lady

5:46. Leo looks 30 going on 86. Jessica alba has even less personality than I would have imagined. Twice she responded to a question saying "I'm good Ryan how are you?"

5:45 Ryan is very nervous about the announcer telling people to go inside. He's only asking people like one question each. It's cool, dude. There is still fifteen minutes.

5:44. Camera cut to Jessica biel. Ring or no ring?!?

5:43. Not to be mean, but Jenna Dewan looks like a muppet.

5:41. Ryan trying to kiss up to Madonna is hilarious. Please ask her what part of Detroit gives you a British accent. $100 to the first person to give Madonna a bouquet of hydrangeas. I'd love to see her disgust live. Seeing Madonna talk is freaking me out because you can see where all her fillers are.

5:40. Emma stone in lanvin looks pretty awesome. I could do without the terrible belt.

5:38. Lea Michele looks very...old. Of fraking course it's marchesa. That's about right.

5:38. Diana agron why do you fight your pretty?!?!

5:34. Looking at the glam cam 360, Sofia vergaras dress is almost a bit too much for me. Is it FURRY from the hips down???

5:32. Jimmy Fallon is holding back the gay jokes while talking to Ryan. Mallory-I mean Reese Witherspoon looks great but went A BIT too heavy on the hair extensions and teasing comb.

5:26. Giuliana is making fun of Sarah hyland for her zipper busting on the red carpet. Perfect thing to say to a 20 year old " you broke your dress on national tv!! OMG LOL!!"

5:23. Have I ever said how much I despise Michelle Williams. So pretentious.

5:19 the oven is warming up so I've run downstairs to watch. Earn is interviewing brangie OF FREAKING COURSE. I missed who made her dress though. I kind of hate it. It reminds me of Natalie Portmans viktor and Rolf from last year.

Well looks like this live blogging isn't fitting into Jacobs schedule. He wants me to do menial things like "make dinner" and "help with chores". I'll get back to the red carpet ASAP.

5:03. Kristen wiig, I don't know how many times to say you should not have brown hair. Also, that dress is WAY too similar to the Zac Posen she wore for the Emmys.

5:02. Ross and Kelly freaking out about brad Pitt opening the limo door. Great broadcasting!! Kelly, that grey hair is NOT working for you.

5:01. First brangie sighting. Cue thousands of freaks fainting. How many times in the next hour will the cameras cut to them walking on the carpet. More than 20?

4:59. Does Zooey have Elvis sideburns attached to that wig?!?!? I can't even focus on her dress. That hair is so terribly distracting.

4:57. Viola Davis looks PERFECT. Seriously. Perfect.

4:56. Bryan Cranston looks good, but I prefer him him as a crazy chemistry teacher/ drug dealer.

4:54. Camera cut to Charlize Theron. I could do without the headband but otherwise LOVE.

4:49. How long will it take for Rooney Mara to complain about every job she's ever had to Ryan? Boy she's as dull as dishwater.

4:46. From far away Julie Bowen looks like grace Kelly. Up close I'm.....not crazy about that hair. Reem acra showdown between Julie Bowen and Diane lane. Advantage Julie.

4:45. Rooney Mara looks beautiful but she needs about four inches taken off that dress. If she falls on her face, she'll have to laugh for the first time in the last year, right?

4:44 freida pinto is one of the most beautiful people ever and that dead looks like she's hiding European shams on her bottom.

4:42. Sofia vergara, you look great in your dress but you've worn at least 58 variations. Try something new!

4:41 camera is on Sarah hyland. Love the silhouette of the dress but the color isn't my favorite.

4:38. Camera just cut to Claire Danes because Diane lane and her husband were so boring. Claire looks flawless as always. She also looks miserable. As always.

4:36. Diane lane do you want to give me your dress? I'm about eleven sizes bigger than you but I'll take it.

4:34 I should have known Jacob wouldn't let me sit down for more than three minutes. SMG! I knew Monique llhuillier ripped off Christian Siriano. I forgot how terrible SMGs voice is. Love to her though she still looks awesome.

4:29. Nicole Ritchie bleach. Perfect time to go downstairs and help Jacob with the blinds

4:29. Look George clooney brought his Barbie!

4:28. Paula Patton I want that dress. Octavia spencer, great seas color, horrible hair

4:27. Giuliana is back to work? She seriously needs to take some time off.

4:23. SMG that's gotta be Christian Siriano right? They need to interview her so I can see that dress. I guess it could also be llhuillier(?) because I thought she copied him in her last collection.

Sorry. Late start because the directv guy just left and I've been making scones. Time to turn on e!

Golden Globes

Because I love/am obsessed with expensive dresses, I plan on live-blogging the Golden Globes red carpet. Not sure if I'll be able to do the show itself, but the dresses are the most important part anyways. So get ready.....

Closing. Blech.

Well.  We made it through closing.  I'm too drained to go through the whole thing, but it was ugly.  It all worked out okay in the end, but I did have to excuse myself for awhile because I was crying.  Ugh.  Long story short, the builder got really offended when we asked for money back from something that wasn't done because he had spent like $10,000 on stuff that he could have billed us for but didn't.  We had no idea that he had incurred those costs, and would never have asked for a $500 credit knowing he did that, but it was just a mess.  To be fair, I was already extremely rattled going into closing because I was running late, couldn't find all the documents we needed, and had gotten a call less than 15 minutes before closing from Jacob, saying he had a flat tire.  When I pulled into the parking lot late, I had barely opened my car door and was reaching for my purse, when the wind gusted the door open and slammed it into the car next to me.  I checked to make sure it wasn't dented, and when I saw it was just a paint scuff that would come off, I gathered my things and started to walk towards the building.  Unfortunately, the lady who owned the car was just setting her stuff inside it when the wind rammed my door into her car, so she was inspecting the side of the car and checking out my license plate, all while giving me a dirty face I'd normally be impressed with, but was instead demoralized by.  Even though I didn't cause any damage, I still felt terrible because she obviously thought I am some horrible person, and I was fully expecting a pile of crap on my window when I came back later.  So all of that frenzy combined with feeling attacked by our builder totally overwhelmed me and I just completely broke down.  I got in a few snippy comments to him while he was yelling at us before the Hayley in me took over and I just started sobbing.  I wonder how many closings they've been to where the home buyer cries.  I'd guess not a lot.  Somehow I have GOT to get over this crying thing.  It is so obnoxious.  I seriously hate how much I cry.  Maybe if I'm lobotomized that will stop.  What's really funny/ironic about the whole mess with closing is that our realtor totally saved herself for us because she did a great job of playing the mediator when I was crying, Jacob was frustrated, and our builder looked like he wanted to punch our teeth out.  I still think they just don't understand how much easier we would have been to work with if they communicated better with us.  The whole mess could have been avoided if we'd just been kept aware of all the things the builder was doing for us.  Eh, oh well.  Lesson learned, I guess.

I'm completely moved over to my new office at work.  The good thing is that I have my own desk and phone and work space, which I didn't have before.  The bad thing is that my office is in an old x-ray room, so the walls are covered in lead paint, there are  no windows and I get zero cell phone coverage.  It's totally a cave.  Also, our supplies area is still filled with stuff from one of the other departments, which is kind of annoying because there are cabinets and drawers we could be using for storage.  BUT, on the plus side, I could probably sneak out a knee brace and no one would have a clue.

I promised myself I'd go to bed early tonight, so I'll leave you with this, The Fifteen Greatest 30 Rock Pop Culture References.  I'm sure there are some great ones left off the list, but personally I think it's awesome.  Probably my favorite is the Don Cheadle reference.  I could legit watch that clip 100 times and it would get 100 laughs.  If you love 30 Rock, you'll love this.  I guess the only thing I can really think of that they're missing is the Barbara Walters impersonation by Rachael Dratch, the Wesley Snipes joke with English Wesley, and a montage of the LOST references.  Anything you wish they'd included?

Walmart at Midnight? OH SURE.

Well I promised you guys a interesting Walmart tale, so here it is.  Here's the deal.  The night before we moved....um...Friday I guess, we were super busy all night trying to get stuff done.  We were going back and forth between our apartment and the house and I kept saying to Jacob "keep in mind, I REALLY have to go to Walmart tonight."  Thinking about it now, I have no idea what I needed there that was so imperative, but it was stressing me out.  So it wasn't until midnight that Jacob finally said I could go because I didn't need to help him with anything anymore.  So even though I was super exhausted, I headed up to Walmart.  In the words of my dad, "IT WAS LIKE A GETTIN A B12 SHOT!"  I'm telling you, this trip totally revitalized and re-energized me.  There was such a bizarre assortment of people.  I mean, YES, I know, it was Walmart at midnight.  But this was a NORTH DAKOTA, gypsy-filled Walmart at midnight.  Deliciously entertaining.  Let me run down the list of characters for you:

My first encounter was with an overnight Walmart worker--like one of the guys who stocks the shelves.  It was a really awkward situation because I was walking up and down the aisles looking for contact paper--THAT'S IT.  Contact paper. That's what I needed from Walmart.  ANYWAYS, I was walking up and down the aisles aimlessly trying to find the contact paper, and as I'm standing in the aisle, I see the guy look my direction while going past my aisle.  I had a conversation in my head because I was like "Girl! Did you see that!? He was checkin you out!"  But then the other personality in me was like "No..he was just looking down the aisle.  If he was interested, he'd come back and ask if I need help."  Obviously this was a pretty quick conversation between my personalities, because the next thing you know, this guy's coming back towards me asking if he can help me find something.  This guy was clueless, honestly.  I think I could have asked where the milk was, or even where the checkout counters were and he would have been stumped, so I knew he wouldn't know where shelf liner was, but I figured I'd give it a try.  Sure enough, he had no idea, but he was "happy to walk around with you until we find it."  Yeah I'll bet.  Let me say that despite my cocky attitude now, I could not have looked more disgusting.  Let me remind you that I had spent probably six hours prior to this trip cleaning, packing, and moving.  Also, I can't say for certain when I had showered most recently, so it's very likely that, in addition to smelling, my hair had taken on an entirely new hue.  What really put the icing on the cake was that the stress of the move, combined with all the dirt and dust I was cleaning had given me a massive forehead pimple.  Not even one that could be covered up with makeup or anything (not that I had any left on my face at this point).  This thing was so big, honestly it looked like maybe I had the mumps...just only on my forehead.  And since my skin hates me, it was like fire engine red, so....I didn't exactly look my best. What I really looked liked was that episode of Saved by the Bell where Kelly gets that zit right before homecoming (first world problems) and she's up for queen.  Naturally, she's horrified that the whole school (who up until this point has been completely in love with her) will not be able to see past her "giant" pimple, and she'll get laughed all the way out of high school.

In her defense, she was probably right to worry, because kids in high school are really mean.  After all, they do refer to one of her schoolmates, who presumably has some skin issues, as "Crater Face" Coburn.  Her solution?  She uses Screech's chemistry experiment gone wrong (which somehow acts as acne cream?  I'm a little fuzzy on the chemistry) on her skin the day before Homecoming.  Great plan Kel, nothing can go wrong there.  SHOCKINGLY, Screech's cream, which was NOT approved for use on humans backfires, and turns your skin maroon.  According to Screech, that only lasts 24 hours, but of course those 24 hours last during the Homecoming court election!  What's a girl to do?  Kelly shows up basically looking like she's in blackface which is...not cool, Kelly.  Not cool.

HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES LISA FEEL?!  I have to believe there's some tension between those two, but no.  Kelly's a master of race relations, and she's somehow able to spin the whole thing AND do a rap about Bayside, which Lisa happily participates in.

And of course, she's still hotter than every other girl at Bayside, so she acts charming, and everyone overlooks her disgusting skin issue to crown her queen over two other pathetic girls whose lives just got that much worse since they lose to an oompa loompa.   Man what an easy life she had.   At one point, the camera sneaks a peek at Principal Belding (who's loving all the good natured fun), and we see some maroon spots on his face as well.

Looks like old Beld-o's not too old for zits!  Also, looks like he's dumb enough to put something Screech made BY ACCIDENT on his face. For a principal, Belding is extremely stupid.  I can't even imagine how much Principal Feeny would hate him.
Okay so back to the guy at Walmart--So as he and I are walking around, looking for contact paper, he says "you from around these parts?"  Oy.  No, sir, I'm not.  And I'm guessing that caricature of a southern accent is your way of getting me to ask where you're from.  I told him I wasn't from ND, to which he said "yeah, I figured.  You didn't have that weird accent."  Amen, brother.  Then he told me that he was from "between Florida and Alabama" which is a very strange way to describe your origin, right?  It's either one state or the other.  I'm confused.  That would be like if I went to Paris and met some charming Frenchman named Pierre and he asked me where I'm from, and I said "between the US and Canada."  It just doesn't make sense.

Once I found the contact paper and lost my clinger, I walked to the checkout counters.  I happened to pass by the book section on my way to checkout and noticed that Jennifer Hudson has a book out.  Here's the thing with Jennifer Hudson.  I LOVED her back in the day.  She is the reason I stopped watching American Idol because there is NO WAY she shouldn't have won.  She had the most amazing voice and a super beautiful face and I was disgusted that she didn't get enough votes to win. Ever since, I have been a huge fan of her, really wanting her to do well, just to stick it to Ryan Seacrest (I know it doesn't impact him, but he bothers me).  Despite how much I love her, though, I CANNOT get on board with the title of her book, "I Got This". I mean, honestly.  Was she even present at any of the meetings with the publisher?  Were they unsure about what else to call it, so they had been filling the title page with "Generic Black Woman Phrase" only to realize they were at their deadline and had to throw something on there without getting her approval first?  Because if that's the case, I have some other titles they could have used: "Oh Hey Girl, Hey!" "Nah Girl it ain't Like That" "Dayyyyy-um!" "Do Not Put yo Hands on Me" "I'm Not Playin with You" and finally, "It's My Way til Payday" [copyright Angie Jordan]

After an extreme amount of eye-rolling at that book title, I made it to the checkout counter, only to realize I was about the tenth person in line. Unfortunately for all of us in the store, they closed all the U-Scans and every single register except for one.  This gave me plenty of opportunity to scope out the people in line ahead of me.  Initially I was struck by the lady a few people ahead of me who was easily 35, but was wearing pink slippers and a beanie with the Pop Tart logo sewn on.  Is that something you can buy?  I can't imagine anyone buying that, but then, I also can't imagine anyone saving the boxtops from multiple boxes of Pop Tarts with the intention of MAILING THEM IN AND INCLUDING MONEY FOR SHIPPING just to get a beanie with the logo on it.  None of the scenarios as to how someone could end up with that hat make sense to me.

Directly in front of me was a college kid.  Bless this kid's  heart.  He was obviously trying to enjoy his Friday night by getting high and he came to Walmart because he had a serious case of the munchies.  He had a bag of Doritos, Cheetos, and Funions, a 10 pack of Reese's, and some Little Debbie's.  Unfortunately for this kid, I'm pretty sure that his buzz was worn off by the time he checked out.  

When it was finally my turn to check out, I noticed the cashier for the first time.  She was probably my age, but since she had no teeth, her perceived age was perhaps a big skewed.  She had that sunken, toothless face which was not made better by her continual sucking on her gums for what I'm assuming were meth remnants.  She was a nice enough lady, I guess, but for the first time in my life, I was very jealous of those SARS masks that Asians are always wearing.  What I would have given for one of those.  

When I was walking out to my car, I noticed a group of guys in a truck on the other side of the parking log, BLARING Cher and singing along super loud.  Look, guys, I get it.  You're belting out "Believe" by Cher in the Walmart parking lot at midnight to prove how hilarious you are.  But even if you're singing it ironically, I'm still embarrassed for you because 1) you KNOW the words to Believe by Cher and 2) you have the song on a CD or ipod and can readily access it.  Dudes, let's get real.  You're closet Cher fans.  It's cool.  I did the same thing in sixth and seventh grade about the Spice Girls.  I was like "OH my gosh, I know!? Aren't they the worst!??!  This song sucks!  Let's turn it all the way up and sing it as loud as we can and wouldn't it be funny if we bought all of the cds????"  Now I don't give a crap.  Yeah, I've got the Spice Girls on my ipod.  What are you gonna do about it?  Sometimes I just need a good slow jam like "2 Become 1."

Okay that's just about all that I remember from last weekend's Walmart trip.  I'm exhausted now and need to get to bed because I'm going to be CRANKY at work tomorrow.  I'll try to take some house pictures soon.  Until then, here's the outside of the house!

Tomorrow is closing, so there's a good possibility I'll have plenty to say about how things go down with our realtor.  At the flip of a switch, I can VERY easily become an angry black woman, and I do NOT think she wants that.

Back in Business

We have Internet!! (insert trumpet sounds) I'm busy trying to get stuff ready for dinner while waiting for my tv install and catching up on my celebrity gossip, so I'll have to write later. Ahhhh. I missed you, internet.

You wouldn't believe how much harder it is for my poor dogs to guard this house. Poor Andy can hardly keep up with the workload.

Screw you, local internet provider

Turns out that jagweed who installed our Internet screwed us. He used the wrong cables when he set up the internet, so our directv didn't have the wiring they needed to set up our tv service. Long story short, I'm pissed. I've made it very clear how I feel about the local businesses here because they all do a terrible job and have the WORST customer service. We have been fighting for an installation date with directv for about a month because they are so backed up. Now our technician had to leave because the Internet provider is only open until five so no one could come out to fix their mistake. And another night goes by that I can't watch Top Chef, Real Housewives, or any of the other shows I've been living without for the last six months. If you can call that living......
I don't envy the schmuck from the Internet company who has to call Jacob tomorrow asking about the voicemail I left. I imagine Jacob will give him a lecture on the company's stupidity if they don't apologize and come fix it right away. All I know is that if the problem doesn't get fixed soon, or does but directv can't come back out for a few weeks, it's going to be ugly. I'm saving the bags of poop from when I walk the dogs, and I will gladly drop several weeks worth of feces at the Internet company's door and set it on fire. JUST TRY ME.

Last Night in the Apartment

Tomorrow is moving day, so tonight we loaded up our cars (and the boys) and went to the house to drop stuff off.  Naturally the dogs went hog wild in the big empty house, and I heard Andy claim every room as his own, leaving just the laundry room to poor Oscie.  Just like we did when we bought our last house, we brought a bunch of their toys in so they could run around playing.  To say they loved it is an understatement. 

Also, here are some more house pictures:

 Very pleased with himself

 Living Room

 Entryway.  Ignore the front door.  They put the wrong one in and it's getting changed ASAP.

 Breakfast room & Kitchen

 Master Bath.  The camera is tilted, not the room.

I went to Walmart tonight at midnight, so I will have A LOT to say about that later, but right now, I really need to get to bed because Jacob wants to be at the house by 7 am tomorrow.  I'll write about my Walmart adventures tomorrow.......