Met Ball!!

So quick update in the cake contest--we don't have any winners yet. We extended the deadline until first thing tomorrow morning because as of 5pm, we only had three cakes submitted for the contest...both of mine and one other one. I would really love those odds, except the lady decorates cakes as a side job, so that's kind of cheating. Anyways, we are supposed to have a couple more people enter their cakes tomorrow, so we'll see. At the very worst, I think I'll have 2 out of six cakes being judged, which is pretty promising.

Okay now on to the important stuff--$100,000 gowns. I seriously love the Met Ball because it's an even better display of fancy dresses than the Oscars is. Plus, lots of times you see people try things that are more high fashion/couture, so you get more interesting and unexpected looks than the standard beautiful gowns you see at the Oscars.  Honestly, I couldn't even break it down to top five for each category because there were so many I felt passionately about that I couldn't cut any from the list. So there are six best and worst dressed. Deal with it.

Best Dressed:
6. Rashida Jones

Normally she plays down her looks a lot in her fashion choices, which really breaks my heart. I really love Rashida and I love this dress on her. On someone else it might not work for me, but I'm a sucker for a printed gown, and I love the colors of this one.

5. Ashley Greene

Honestly, the ONLY issue I have with this is that it's a little bridal. Although I guess the one sleeve does make it a little more gown, but still.  Take that away and it could be a fancy wedding dress.  I tend to not care for Ashley and her overly snipped nose. She looks very snobbish and haughty to me, and the acting in Twilight was one of the best and worst things I've ever seen. Worst because it was legitimately terrible, and best because I almost through-the-nosed my milk at the acting in one scene. But even I won't deny she looks incredible here.

4. January Jones

Here's a lady who is super hit-or-miss with her gowns, but I'm crazy about this one. Let's compare this to how she did two years ago...

And yes, she did pose most of the night with her hands straight out beside her like a Barbie doll......Again, I'm not a big fan of January because she seems like an ice queen and I don't think she's as drop dead beautiful as everyone else does. Personally, I'll take a fat Betty Draper any day.

3. Karolina Kurkova

I'm not even kidding about this when I say I love this outfit. Head to tie, I think she looks so incredible. I'm sure you either love it or you hate it, and probably the only other people that are with me on this one are drag queens, but I just can't help it. There is something very old-school Sophia Loren that I am so wowed by.

 I think she's really stunning. Over the top-diva? Of course. But if you're going to do it anywhere, it might as well be the Met Ball.  Although, honestly, I don't know how she was able to pose like that and take herself seriously.  She must have known she looked seriously gorgeous.

2.  Katharine McPhee

 Looks like I desperately need to get myself a show on NBC so I can show up at the Met Ball in an Elie Saab.  I love everything about this dress.  I want one in every color.

1.  Solange Knowles

I know, I know, it seems crazy that she could be the best dressed, but I LOVED this dress.  This combined with the natural hair and the soft makeup and the color of her skin is just complete perfection to me.  I adore the whole thing.  Go girl!  Show Beyonce what's up!

Worst Dressed:

6.  Debra Messing

The dress on it's own is not bad.  It's pretty enough, though not really original enough for the Met Ball, in my opinion.  It's just...not flattering.  Something about the gathering at the waist and how it meets the deep neck makes her look like she has no waist and she's really wide.  She can do a lot better than this.

5.  Jessica Chastain

This frustrates me a lot because she showed so much potential with her Oscar dress that I was in love with.  This dress is just not good.  First of all, it looks like a lampshade.  Second of all, it does nothing for her shape.  And third, it looks like her chest is being held in a vice grip.  You never really want a dress to look like you're being squeezed down to a bust the size of a training bra, okay?

4.  Sarah Jessica Parker

Normally I give her a pass because she's kind of wacky and fashion-y, which I enjoy.  At least she's wearing something interesting, you know.  And honestly, I'm not sure that this sister-wife dress would have bothered me so much on her had it not been for the MATCHING T-STRAP FLORAL SHOES.  Oh honey no.  That's just bad.  Bad bad bad.

3.  Kate Upton

FYI everybody, this girl is a supermodel.  She was just on the cover of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition and every guy in America is in love with her.  This is probably the worst she's ever looked in her life.  Right?  It has to be.  Between the severe hair, the Mommie Dearest makeup, and the HORRIBLY unflattering dress, she just needs to go home and try again.  Honey, you're a model.  Dress like one.

2.  Leighton Meester

A lot of my issues in this outfit don't lay entirely with the dress itself, but let's start there.  It's Marchesa, so it's just a bunch of tool, illusion netting, and embroidered lace.  How many iterations of this dress can they do?!!?  The bigger problem here, is of course the excess amount of carrots she must be consuming.  I realize you want to look "tan" when you do special events, but at some point, wouldn't you be like "oh wait.  This is probably enough bronzer."?  Also, putting on purplish/brown lipstick does not help draw the focus away from your eerily orange skin.

1.  Gwyneth Paltrow

 Who else but the space waitress herself could be worst dressed?  I know I'm biased because I don't like her, but this is bad.  The fabric looks tacky, the hip accouterments are distracting, the dress has a mullet and she's got WAY too much side boob.  Not to mention the dyed-to-match bridesmaids dress shoes she's sporting.  Hate the whole thing.  It looks like something a Project Runway contestant would get kicked off for.    

Alright well that's about all I've got...I'm going to go upstairs in my fancy gown (t-shirt, workout capris and slippers) and get ready for bed.  All that blogging and cake decorating last night still has me worn out. 

Oh Goof

If you're trying to guard the backdoor but the curtain is in the way, just rip it down and lay on it.

New Jersey Episode 3

Alright, lets just jump right into this thing.  It's 11:30 and I have a lot to say.

So early on in the episode, we're getting updated on Lauren's diet, which irritates me to no end.  She says she's lost 5 pounds, and when she was shopping recently, she fit into two size 8's. 

Listen sister, no offense, but you're not a size 8.  I've been wearing a size 10 for the last 3 years.  I know a size 8 because I'm constantly trying them on in hopes of them fitting, and you aren't a size 8.  Look, don't get me wrong, I think Lauren is beautiful as she is.  I don't think she should feel any pressure to lose weight unless it's for her health.  It shouldn't be just so she can say she's a certain dress size.  That is crazy.  While Lauren and Caroline talk about Lauren's weight, she says "When I lose all this weight, I wanna be very rich."  Uh...What?  You size doesn't determine your wealth, honey.  Unless of course you're a supermodel.  But I'm pretty sure you can be a successful business woman and be bigger.  I just don't even understand what she meant by that.  She wants to be able to enjoy her wealth by being skinny and "pretty"?  She wants to have it all to rub it in people's faces?? I don't get it.  Caroline talks about how her sons are handsome and they've "got it all goin on".  "For some reason she thinks she is not worthy.  What she doesn't know is she has a spectacular personality.  She's got a great boyfriend.  She's got a belly.  So what?"  HOLY CRAP, CAROLINE.  How about instead of discounting her looks based simply on the size of her midsection, you acknowledge that beauty has nothing to do with the size you wear.  THIS IS WHY SHE HAS ISSUES.  She obviously struggles with her self-esteem, and you go straight to the default line for ugly girls--"she's got a great personality!"  Just once, be like every other mom and tell her she's perfect the way she is and you love her no matter what.  Maybe then she won't feel like she has to exist solely on a cleanse diet...

Okay, we cut to the rest of the cast at the Jersey shore, all together on a boat with their husbands.  Meanwhile, their kids (all 75 of them) are being watched by Rosie (my personal favorite).

Maybe it's just the power of suggestion with her name, but when I see Rosie, I assume she's an aggressive, croc-wearing lesbian.  I'll say this, whichever producer had the idea to have Rosie watch the kids while the cast members went on a little boat trip, that was genius. I could listen to her yell "I'll throw yous right into the lagoon, I swear to God!" on repeat.  Rosie, you're the absolute best.

We keep getting glimpses of the boat trip, where all the cast members are acting like they're the best of friends, despite most of them being totally over Teresa and Joe (aren't we all?).  While Jacqueline tipsily talks about Ashley, Melissa listens on, loving her new friend.  She says "I see a very sweet, humble girl in Jacqueline and I like that.  Because I'm the same way."  Look, Melissa, you're starting to grow on me, but I'm pretty sure you just disqualified yourself from half of that description.

Meanwhile, we go back to the Manzo family, who are all sitting around the kitchen table, watching Lauren and her boyfriend make dinner while they tease her about her weight.  Caroline says "Lauren's beautiful, but I'm not gonna lie and say she's perfect, she's not.  She's gotta lose weight."  I swear.  If they spend one more minute on Lauren's weight, I'm gonna blow a fuse.
...[they continue] [face gets red] [steam comes out of ears] [a train whistle goes off as my head erupts]
ENOUGH WITH THE JOKES ABOUT LAUREN'S WEIGHT, MANZO FAMILY.  This has already  happened once on tv; the show was called Growing Pains and the family made fun of Carol so much about her weight that the actress (Tracey Gold shoutout!) developed an eating disorder.  Years later she got a DUI while DRIVING HER CHILDREN AROUND.  Those jokes will stick with you and they will mess your brain up.  Fat jokes?  NOT FUNNY, MANZOS.
So, okay, if we're going to go down this read of comparing Lauren to her "skinny, perfect" brothers, let's just lay it all out.  Chris has gotten a little chubby.  Maybe he's just retaining water, I don't know and I WON'T JUDGE.  But if I were him, I'd watch the fat jokes he makes to his sister.

Alright, now it's time to get to the heart of the episode--the Solstice party.  Honestly, I'm still a bit cloudy on the purpose/theme of this party.  It was an all-white/Indian/Solstice/fairy party.  I really don't understand how any of those relate to the others.  I get what they're saying about the third eye "opening powers" and that's why they have to wear those things on their foreheads, but come on.  I don't think a bedazzled sticker is going to do much for you.  I'm starting to think this whole party was orchestrated for the now defunct HGTV show of Dina Manzo. 

Maybe it was her pilot episode and after all this crap went down the producers were like "uhhhh thanks but no thanks.  We really just like decorating stuff.  We'll just stick with Suzanne Whang, thankyouverymuch."

Can someone please explain to me when the perpetually-drunk Kim returned to the show?  She came with Teresa to the Solstice party, but I didn't realize she was friends with any of these people still.  Honestly, I thought she was dead from cirrhosis of the liver. 

The party is plugging along relatively smoothly until Jacqueline gets Melissa and Teresa together, in hopes of them talking through the cheating comment Teresa made to her brother about Melissa.  I have to say, I'm 100% with Melissa on Teresa storming off.  If she freaked out that bad because Melissa used the phrase "went to jail" versus "went away", she is in an unbelievable amount of denial.  It'd be sad if it weren't so crazy.

When Jacqueline tries to stop Teresa from leaving and again suggests getting her and Melissa together so they can talk through things, Teresa gets frustrated about Jacqueline trying to play peacekeeper and says "She stayed friends with Danielle even though Caroline and Dina didn't like it.  That's so wishy-washy."  Sorry Teresa, but that's actually the opposite of wishy-washy.  That's being a loyal friend.  KIND OF a good quality in a person.

So as Teresa is justifying the comment she made to her brother about Melissa having a career, even though she's a mother, and how she's gonna be out working and she's going to meet a richer man, I was LOSING MY MIND.  I was like, seriously, how is that any different than Teresa constantly being gone for her book tour/signings, but then Melissa makes that exact point.  THANK YOU MELISSA, FOR BEING TOTALLY LOGICAL AND THINKING QUICKLY.  She's basically just saying that because Melissa is attempting to create a career, she's going to find another man and get with him?  That takes a loooooooot of paranoia to get to that kind of thinking, I think.

Naturally, Teresa has no response and for some reason brings up how Melissa drops off presents for Teresa's kids at their school rather than in person.  To which Melissa replies that at least she buys presents, since Teresa got nothing for her nephew's 1st birthday party that just passed.  Teresa decides to accuse Melissa of being materialistic because she's always talking about gifts and presents.  This is when I realized that obviously Teresa has no memory, since she very clearly brought it up.  So we're getting a little insight into Teresa's problem, which is that she must have early onset dementia. 

When Melissa tells Teresa how hurt Joe was by her comment about how Melissa would leave him, Teresa's reaction kind of terrified me.  Rather than feeling any sort of remorse, guilt, or even just basic sympathy for his pain, she scoffs at the thought of him crying and blames it on the state of Melissa and Joe's marriage that he's got such low confidence that he would cry.  Okay.  That's beyond crappy.  If one of my siblings told me Jacob would leave me for a prettier girl, I would absolutely cry, and it would have nothing to do with the condition of my marriage.  That's just so mean.  And the fact that she didn't assume any guilt for causing her brother to cry is...I think that's one of the things they characterize sociopaths on, right?  If I ever made my brother cry--NO--if I ever FOUND OUT my brother had cried about ANYTHING, it would break my heart. 

I have to say, I was EXTREMELY impressed with how Melissa carried herself in this argument.  I thought she brought up lots of valid points.  I thought she countered everything Teresa said with a totally logical comment, and she made Teresa look completely stupid because she could never really justify her actions.  I did literally LOL when Teresa said "Obviously you only see your way, you don't see the other way!"  HOLY CRAP.  POT MEET KETTLE.

Having watched that whole fight go down and the fact that Kim was still on Teresa's side is mind-boggling to me.  She is a crazy enabler.  When Teresa complains that Melissa demanded an apology for telling Joe that she would leave him for a richer man, Kim rolls her eyes and is like "NO!  It wasn't supposed to get back to her."  

Yep, well, that sure makes it okay to insult someone's marriage to the core and create mistrust and animosity between a couple.  Freakin idiot.

Welp...that's pretty much where the episode ends.  I'm sure next week's episode will drive me crazy because Teresa will spin everything Melissa said into something terrible, even though all she really did was explain that they were both hurt by the accusation and insinuation of her cheating.  Even though it will drive me crazy, though, I'm sure I'll still take pages of notes...I can't help but love this show.

Ultrasound and Cakes

Okay quick update before I do my Jersey Recap.  Today was the ultrasound on the lumps I have in my chest.  It went fine.  As fine as can be when you you're laying topless on a table for half an hour and someone is spreading goo on your chest.  It's just such an uncomfortable and awkward experience.  I'm glad it's over with, that's for sure.  Anyways, I don't know anything about the lumps yet.  The ultrasound tech doesn't give you any feedback, so I have to wait for my doctor to call me, hopefully tomorrow or Thursday. 

So I just finished decorating my cakes for the cake contest at work tomorrow.  Yes it is 11:15 pm.  Yes, I still have another blog post to do...Anyways, we're doing this contest at work tomorrow.  There are three categories, Best Theme Decorated, People's Choice, and Most Unexpected.  I can't tell you how badly I want to win that Most Unexpected.  I want it more than I could possibly say.  So here's what I did.  I did one cake for my own amusement, and one that I think people will like.
We're in our centennial year this year, so it's a centennial cake contest, so for this first cake, I just tried to do a Scrabble board with lots of buzzwords about the hospital.

 It's not the best, but it's the best I could do without giving myself carpal tunnel and taking 17 years off of my eyes.
This next cake...is my pride and joy.  This is where I want "Most Unexpected."  I know I won't win because no one has the same sense of humor as me, and no one really cares about pop culture like I do, but everytime I see this one I laugh.

I know I'm biased, but honestly, I'd vote for this 10 out of 10 times in a "Most Unexpected" category.  I'm just saying right now, if I lose, we know even more than we did before that this town sucks.  Obviously the effort isn't really in this one with the decorating, but I promise you there is heart and soul in this cake.  And a heck of a lot of sass from Sophia.

Okay, it's time for me to write this New Jersey wrap up.  Also, tomorrow, I'm thinking I might do a quick favorites list from the Met Gala last night.  I LOVE Met Gala time because it's fancy dresses and ridiculous fashion, so be on the lookout for that. 

Guarding the Deck

Sometimes it's just easier to guard your backyard from your doggie bed.

No Jersey Recap

Code Red: I am in a MOOD. If you've ever heard me talk about cooking or baking, you know I hate it with a passion. Well, tonight I spent 3 hours in the kitchen making these stupid cakes for a cake contest we're having at work this week. Even though I kept both in the oven for like twelve minutes longer than I was supposed to, I'm pretty sure they're just mushy pudding cakes in the pan right now. Total waste of time. I just don't get why I suck so bad at anything kitchen related. Boil a pot of water? Whoops, I wasn't looking and the pot boiled over the top and ruined the cooktop. Make a package of Jello? My bad-I didn't stir it well enough and now it has a crunchy layer on it. Heat up this store-bought pasta sauce on the stove to serve with dinner? Oopsie, I had the heat up too high and it bubbled and splashed on the cabinets and stained them. Honestly, I'm the worst at making anything. And that sucks. Earlier, while cracking the eggs for the cakes, one just cracked over the counter and the whole thing just spread across the counter. I picked as much up as I could and scooped it into a box of trash on the counter so I didn't drop any on the floor en route to the trash can. I was foiled when I realized that the egg leaked completely brought the flimsy cake box, so I had to clean up the egg mess twice. That would only happen to me or Amelia Bedelia. And it's not funny or charming when I do it.

Tomorrow night might be even more miserable, since I'll have to decorate the cakes for work. Considering I have no skill and/or experience with that, I'm pretty sure I'll lose my patience with that really quickly. Don't be surprised if I report back tomorrow night that I've punted both cakes off of my deck in frustration.

To top off the evening, when I realized how many dishes were piled up on the counter, I felt steam coming out of my ears. After FIFTY SOLID MINUTES of hand washing the dishes, I showered and here I am. Irritated and hungry and tired. Is it to much to ask to have a night where I'm not standing on my feet for at least two straight hours in the kitchen? Because I can't even tell you how miserable that makes me. It's a frustration so intense that the only way I can channel it is by sobbing. Which I did. Over the sink. Onto my stack of dirty dishes. I continued the sobbing in the shower. Raise your hand if you wish you lived with me.

With all this kitchen bullcrap, I haven't had the chance to watch the Real Housewives of New Jersey yet. So obviously that post will have to wait till tomorrow. Basically I'm going to bed now, a bucket of sunshine, and hoping I wake up in a better mood. Because if I don't... Oy.

Home Improvements

YOU GUYS!  I just realized it's Sunday, which means it's New Jersey night!  Holy crap, there's no way I'll get that post done tonight.  That'll have to wait until tomorrow.  I'm already swamped with stuff to do and I haven't even watched the episode yet.  Okay this is just going to be a really quick post because, like I said, I have a crap ton to do tonight before I go to bed and I have to be up early to leave for the dentist BY 7:15 AM.  Gotta love emergency dentist trips.

Anyways, we'll see how that goes tomorrow.  I'm sure I'll have plenty to say about it.

In the meantime, Jacob and I have been busy all day doing weekend chores, which is one reason I have come to dislike weekends.  BUT, he did a great job getting stuff done, so I figured I'd let you guys see the finished projects.

We hung curtains in our living room.  It was the only window left with no window covering whatsoever, and I'm pretty sure our neighbor across the street (lovely though he may be) was watching us every time he went outside for a smoke break.  I"m saying that with basic certainty because I saw him doing it.  It's going to be nice to have a little privacy. 

I promise, the camera was crooked and not the curtain rod.  Try to ignore Joseph's Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat on my couch.  We keep the couch extra loaded with blankets for the boys.

Also, we finally put up the mirror we bought for our bathroom.  I'm glad to have it up, but it was also nice to never really have to look at myself in the mornings. 

All of this was done with the help of Andy, and Oscar, of course.  As you see, they were HUGE helpers.

Also, Jacob finished the deck up this weekend, and it looks awesome.  I never think to take pictures during the day, but I'll have to do that soon so you can see it.  He did a really really great job.

I can't remember if I ever put these on here, so I'll do it now.  This is one of the owls I bought at Hobby Lobby awhile back.  I seriously love these guys. 

I never got to tell you about my success at Herbergers the other night!  I ended up buying a new bra for $9, some maternity jeans for $34, and this Fossil necklace for $5.99.

While I was there, I spotted this Fossil watch that really only caught my eye because it was on clearance and I knew I could get it for a good deal.  I ended up not buying it when I went on Thursday night, but then could not get it out of my brain.  With some support from Dana, I left work on Friday and went immediately to Herbergers to buy the watch.  I do not regret the decision even a little bit. 

It's a little more bling than I would normally go for, but I actually really love it.

When I first saw it, I thought it looked like something that my (ALMOST!!!!) sister in law, Kayla would wear, which meant that I knew I loved it.  Besides, it was a $95 watch that I got for $45.  Love ya, Herbergers!!

Oh, one last thing.  Here's something awkward that happened when I went on Thursday to buy the necklace, jeans and bra.  While just browsing through the clothing racks, I spotted one rack that had a single pair of maternity jeans, and one pair of maternity capris.  I thought it was weird since I'd never seen maternity clothes there before, but I grabbed the jeans and tried them on.  They fit okay enough, so I decided I'd get them, but I wanted to see what the other maternity options were.  I went up to the closest worker and showed her my maternity jeans that I'd found on obviously the wrong rack, and could she show me where the other maternity clothes were.  She looked at me like I'd just asked if I could cut set the store on fire and informed me that they did not carry maternity clothes.  Well that's funny, seeing as how I found these in your store and they rung up on your price check scanners.  Seems like one of us must be wrong...After an awkward conversation and extreme disbelief on her part, I walked away very confused.  I'm not sure why she felt I was so untrustworthy.  I was trying to BUY these jeans from them.  Why are you acting like I'm being so sneaky???  So anyways, I bought the jeans, which she wouldn't let me use my coupon on.  I'll say I wasn't happy and leave it at that.  Sometimes Herbergers finds ways to stick it back to me.  But overall, I'd say I'm still ahead.