Baby Things

So we've had a couple of big moments recently. On Sunday, Olivia was baptized, which was a pretty great moment for Jacob and I. It was doubly special because Jacob's grandparents came down from Illinois, and his grandfather, who is a Pastor, performed the baptism. I'm sure Papa was happy to do it, but we are so grateful he did. I know it really meant a lot to Jacob to have his grandparents there, and for Papa to be the one to baptize her. I only wish my grandparents could've been there, too, but I know they were watching. As exciting as it was, I had been dreading the baptism from the moment we scheduled it. I do NOT like being the center of attention or being in front of people (ask anyone who was at my wedding), and the idea of getting in front of the congregation was basically terrifying. I kept running horrible scenarios through my mind: what if she's screaming bloody murder? What if her reflux acts up and she throws up all over the baptismal font? What if I start leaking through my shirt?! So much anxiety. At the beginning of the service, when our Pastor was doing the greetings, he mentioned that Olivia's great-grandfather was a guest Pastor who would be doing the baptism. He encouraged everyone to welcome the people around us, "especially the Riemers", pointing at us. I felt a million eyes on us and I almost barfed instantaneously. BUT, it all worked out fine. Olivia did great, falling asleep just before the baptism and waking up when the water touched her. She didn't cry, but she did furrow her brow. She is her father's daughter, after all. Thanks to everyone who came, but especially those who traveled to be there--Jacob's grandparents, The Moore's, and Dana & David. And Tom. Because we all know he could use more church in his life.

Our other big happening is that Olivia just rolled over! Like, two hours ago! She only did it once, from her tummy from her back, but she seemed equally surprised and amused by it. Afterwards, we FaceTime'd with Ashley, which Olivia didn't want to ever end. She's a goofball.

Let's Talk Dance Moms

So I hate to say it, but I believe my note-taking has come to an end with my old friend, Dance Moms. I'm not done watching the show, but I'm not going to put the energy into blogging it anymore. It's just gotten to be too forced and fake for my enjoyment. Let's just say that if I had a pyramid of the shows I watch, Dance Moms would've been on the bottom and on probation from the second episode. Then when they kick the new girls off the dream team Abby's just formed only to bring back the old girls Abby had been bad-mouthing, I officially lost it. In the words of Kelly, "I'm done!". Also, in the actions of Kelly, I'm not really done. Like I said, I still plan on watching it, but I just don't want to blog it anymore. It's basically scripted at is point, so I don't feel like there's any honest moments to dissect and mock. If any of you want to discuss the show, I'm all about it. Just don't expect anymore posts about it. Which may be a good thing for some of you...

Dance Moms- Episode 2

Okay so this is a little late....I'm hoping to get to last night's episode a bit quicker, but I can't make any promises.  

Lemme just say that this episode was a little annoying from a viewers perspective because it was so obviously manipulated by the producers.  It left a lot of questions and plot holes.  BUT, you know I love some Dance Moms and I'm just so happy to have it back in my life that I can't even stand it.

I'VE MISSED THIS SHOW SO MUCH.

The episode begins with more of the same garbage about the team missing Kelly, Brooke & Paige.  We see the moms scheming in the parking lot, Christi saying "Kelly obviously left because she feels this isn't the place for her, so it's up to us to convince her she belongs with us."  Okay, that seems fair.  You miss your friend and you want to show her how much you all need each other.  I bet they can come up with a logical and rational way to express that.

 The moms proceed to take their scheming from the privacy of the parking lot into the small bathroom inside the dance studio.  I'm sure somewhere in there, there was a reason that they coudnlt' keep talking outside.  Like maybe it was too cold, or it started raining or maybe even that psycho, Leslie, drove up and the moms ran off before Leslie tried to scratch their faces off.  Most likely, the producers just thought it'd be more dramatic if all the moms stormed past Abby to go talk in the bathroom.  I'd like to believe that the real reason is that all the mid-day drinking got to Christi and she was crossing her legs and bouncing like a 4 year old before Holly was like "FINE.  Let's go inside so you can pee!"

I know I've said it before, but Abby's voice is so terrible.  Does she have sinus problems??  If there's an Ear, Nose & Throat doctor out there, I'd love your diagnosis.  Because my expert opinion is that she has a head full of snot. 

Once the moms come up with their foolproof plan, they leave the bathroom.  Holly says "the moms and I decided we're just gonna sit there, silent, and not go into pyramid and just have a stand off, trying to get Kelly back."  Oooooookay so...I don't get it.  I don't get how ignoring Abby brings Kelly back.  They said themselves that Kelly left because she wasn't happy, so I'm not sure what becoming a mute does for their cause.  It seems like Kelly is the one they should go after, right?  Besides, Abby's so terrible, she could mistake their silent frustration for any number of things.  Like, for example, they could be boycotting her for swearing in front of their kids in the previous week's competition.  That seems like a legitimate complaint.  I know these aren't the most logical women, I just don't get how staging a sit-in--when Abby has no clue why they're mad (and no control over Kelly's actions for that matter)--accomplishes anything.

Let me ask a question that clearly no one else is concerned about.  Where are the girls in all this???  The moms are banded together in the hallway, but we see Abby searching, frustrated, for the girls.  Where did they go and how are they in on the plot?  They weren't in the bathroom for the scheming, so I'm not sure they're abreast of the whole silent treatment scheme.

Now I'm really confused.  Abby and her staff can't figure out where everyone has gone.  Abby notices the moms talking in he parking lot again and gets mad.  BUT SOMEONE TELL US WHERE THE GIRLS ARE.  Abby implies that the girls are missing and haven't rehearsed.  We can see they aren't with their moms.  Where's the disconnect?  I honestly want to know what's happening with them.

Also, I don't really understand why the moms have to be present for rehearsal.  Can't the girls learn a new number without their moms watching from that skybox?  I've never taken a dancing class--I have a natural talent that would be too hard to be confined to a structured dance class--

 --so maybe that's a stupid question.  Either way, I'd really like someone to tell us where the girls are in all this.

Why does Abby call 911 on the moms in the parking lot?  SEEMS OVERDRAMATIC, right?!  Seems like you could just put a call in to the local police department rather than call 911 over a trespassing issue, right?  Also, couldn't the moms just say "we aren't trespassing.  Our daughters are inside at dance class."?  But who knows.  WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE THE GIRLS ARE!

I'm really distracted by how huge Abby's hair is in her interviews.  It's getting bigger and bigger.  I swear, she's got like 17 Bump-Its in there.

The cops have shown up and the moms are leaving, but there are NO KIDS IN THEIR CARS.  Seriously, I don't want to beat a dead horse here, but WHERE ARE THE KIDS???

Jill stopping in at Candy Apples Dance Studio is so contrived and annoying.  "I'm in the area, running some errands here and there..."  What errands are taking Jill out of Pittsburgh and into Canton, Ohio?  Girl, please.  The profile shot when Jill and Cathy are talking...yikes.  I honestly couldn't tell who was who.  That's NOT good, Jill.  Cathy to Jill as she's leaving: "that's an awfully little Louis Vuitton you've got there."

That's kinda mean, Cathy.  Not EVERYBODY'S husband can be super successful entrepreneurs who own a beef jerky store.

Meanwhile at ALDC, Abby's new girls show up for rehearsal.  Abby's basically foaming at the mouth at the prospect of a new team, most especially at the chance to show off Sophia.  My first impression of the new moms is that one seems to be trying much to hard to convey how little she cares about being on camera.  And the other mom looks like Mama June.

Since Cathy's studio seems to be falling apart, we're introduced to a new adversary for Abby.  Yvette and Hadley's heart to heart about how hurt Hadley is is pretty poorly scripted.  Neither of them can figure out how to speak or move naturally for the camera.  It's okay.  They're new.  They'll learn.  Also, I'm not sure how old Hadley is, but someone should stage a tanning intervention before it gets to be too late.

ROADKILL?!?!  She called the girl roadkill?!?!?!  That's terrible and hilarious.

I love that Abby's already driving the other moms crazy by drooling all over Sophia.  Abby lives for nepotism.

UH OH.  Bella's mom is NOT HAVING IT with the Sophia favoritism.  When Abby announces that Sophia's on her way and she's better than Maddie and she'll probably show everyone else up: "Oh that's nice...you don't have to make that kind of announcement to a bunch of kids who have been here working all day."  Sorry honey, but yeah. That's pretty much EXACTLY how Abby works.

Quick timeout--why did Abby go get all new girls to replace the old team?  If I were one of the dancers at her studio, I'd be so mad.  It's like Abby was just like "everyone here is total crap.  Lemme fly some people in from across the country."  That's a burn, other dancers.  I mean, I get that this whole plot was basically for the drama, but still.  There's no logic there.

Sophia's poor mom hasn't picked up on the fact that the other moms already hate her.

"That voice is killing me."  It's true, Sophia's voice is terrible, but that's pretty ironic coming from Abby.

These moms are already SO bitter that their daughters don't have solos.  Didn't take long for that tension to brew, huh?

I love Abby telling the girls they need to be awesome at the performance, saying people are going to be expecting to see her old team.  She points at each girl saying "they'll be looking for Chloe, Maddie, Nia and Paige."  Naturally she points to Kayleigh as she says "Nia."  I love it.  She's basically like, "yeah, you're my token black girl."

Sophia's wearing Kate Spade earrings, people.

This old group of girls performing at the mall is really pretty pathetic and sad.  Let's also include creepy in that description.

Back to Abby's new group at the competition, Gloria is trying to sneak in a solo for Kayleigh.  Has she never seen the show before?  Or maybe she's never talked to Abby??  Pretty much everything makes Abby mad, so you'd think she'd know sneaking around on her is not gonna end well.

Hadley's mom is crying while Sophia performs.....Why?  That seems weird, right?

This team has been together for like 3 days and we already know Marcia's a narc.  She totally ratted out Gloria about the solo thing.

 And Gloria is NEVER going to forgive Marcia for it.  Was it worth it Marcia?  To throw away that four day friendship???

Someone please explain to me why Bella is crying so much.  She's the new Mackenzie!

So I guess Abby's new group of superstars sucks, because Abby is MORTIFIED for coming in second to Yvette and Hadley's team.  Meh.  I thought Hadley's group was better.

I think it was really wise of the producers to only show the psycho superfans of the girls dancing in the mall, rather than focus on all the sexual predators that must've been in the crowd.  It's disgusting, but it's the truth.  Also disgusting--the fact that people were so excited, they were literally convulsing at the sight of these girls dancing.  I know I don't have a life.  But that's really awful.

Back to the new ALDC crew, the moms are blaming their second place finish on Ally.  Ally's mom, a well-adjusted lady who seems to actually care about her daughter, gets fed up and leaves.  Marcia says "Shelly cracked.  We saw the real Shelly.  And out the door she went.  See you later, Shelly."  I think Marcia is a liiiiiiittle Single White Female with Ally's mom, what's her name...Stacy?  Who even knows.

Holy cow, I just noticed the necklace Abby wore to the competition! 

 It's obviously supposed to look like some sort of royal diamond, but it's like six inches long!  I can't overstate this--it's the tackiest thing I've ever seen.  And that includes her stretchy starfish ring.

New Dance Moms

I'm caught up!  Granted there have only been two episodes of Dance Moms to catch up on, but I'm VERY proud of myself for watching them.  More importantly, for watching them and taking notes, which seems silly, but honestly, it takes me probably 2 hours to watch each episode because I stop and write so much stuff down.

So let's talk about episode one.  Snoozeville, am I right?  I think pretty much everything of significance can be summed up on the "previously on Dance Moms" for episode 2.  Really it was pretty boring. 

Have you ever noticed how TERRIBLE Cathy's highlights are in the opening credits???  I bet every season she begs the producers to update/redo hers, and every year they're like "sorry ma'am, no can do."  Well bravo, producers, because I love it just the way it is.  I say that because it's such a bad dye job that it looks like Vivi did it.  And we all know Vivi's not the brightest kid.

The episode basically revolves around the drama that occurred at the end of last season between Kelly, her kids, and Abby.  Brooke and Paige are still gone, and all the other moms are mourning their absence like they died.  In the meantime, Abby's back from hosting that dance show in LA,

 

 and she's back to her beastly self.  Despite the girls winning a national title at the end of the previous season, she's OUTRAGED with some of the girls for having gone on a family vacation.  Ready to replace Brooke and Paige, Abby hosts an open audition to fill the vacant spots on the team.  We end up with Ally, who seems like a sweet girl, and most likely is a total doormat.  Also, her poor mother seems to be allergic to the camera and is giving the sound guys something to work for, as her voice is as loud as a field mouse.  Naturally the other moms are disgusted with Ally and her mom.  Because how dare Abby replace two people who voluntarily quit the team!  The betrayal!

I have to say, that although the episode was pretty boring, there was one amazing moment.  You guys, Cathy and Vivi eating ice cream was such a treasure.  I guarantee you that if the cameras hadn't been there, Vivi's face would've been inside that ice cream dish and Cathy wouldn't have even noticed because she'd be so wrapped up in the conversation she was having with herself. 

 Obviously Vivi is too engrossed in her hot fudge sundae to listen to one word her mom said.  Y0u can tell when Cathy asks if Vivi misses Justice that Vivi draws a total blank and has no clue who she's talking about.  "Uhhhhhh.....yeahhhhhhhh" as she goes back to inhaling the ice cream.  It is a bummer about no Justice, though.  I'll miss that little ginger.  But Cathy obviously has tricks up her sleeve, as she's planning on starting a Magic Mike-style all-boys dance group to compete with Abby.  That should be good for a few laughs down the road. 

Okay, now onto episode 2!

CODE RED

Okay you guys, I know I've been a little busy lately (ugh, babies, am I right?) but I'm mortified for not knowing that Dance Moms is back. Don't worry, I've got the episodes recording and I hope to get caught up soon. Unfortunately, my baby has decided that naps lasting longer than 30 minutes are for suckers so I can't write much during the day. As soon as I can get through an episode and get some pictures, we'll get back to picking the show apart. (Spoiler alert: looks like she cut all the old girls!). In the meantime, enjoy this old-timey dog that looks like Oscar.

Sweet Baby

I love a lot of things about my daughter, but one of my favorites is her giant cheeks, perched atop her tiny turtle neck.